Obsidian does have a good point, it’s probably a good idea to at least show that you read the ad, even if it’s just a quick sentence or two. OTOH, it’s pretty tough to be in Fish’s position of spending 20min on a letter a few dozen times (which isn’t even close to being a shotgun artist) and getting crapola back in return.
It’s a pretty tough thing, neither side really has it easier than the other. The men send email after email into a virtual black hole. The women get innundated with idiotic responses and can’t pick out decent people from creeps (though the picture thing is a quick creep indicator)
If I were jay-c, I’d peruse the men’s ads and pick out the guys I liked, then see if they emailed me, rather than wading through the trash trying to find a gem.
Thanks everyone, for all of your input. I’m definitely taking out the stuff about the dare. I tried previously to put in a picture of me with my son (I blurred his face), but Match cropped it so you couldn’t see him anyway. I’ll try to come up with something in the wording that conveys my family priorities without making it seem like I’m looking for a replacement dad for my son, which I most certainly am not.
I didn’t want it to seem that I was complaining that I hadn’t received an excruciatingly detailed message from those guys who did email me, more that I had hoped for any indication that they had read my profile, even if it was just to say, “I like the picture of you with that dog,” anything to show they actually read it instead of just sending off a form letter. If I choose to email someone, I may include many of the same details as other letters I send, but I’m always sure to include a personal note, or a commentary on something in their profile that piqued my interest. I don’t think it’s too much to ask the same of those who contact me.
I’m having trouble understanding why you’re even bothering with match.com at all. Going by that picture and your profile you seem like a great catch. Why, if I were six years older… and living in Ohio…
Well, you know what I mean.
(reading back over profile) Damn. She likes cartoons, too!
Nice pic and profile text. I don’t see a mention of your child in the profile text… if you want to make it clear the child exists and is important, mention the child in the text. You might also include a line about what sort of e-mail you expect. I know a lot of women who complain about the short & stupid e-mail they get on match.com, but why not suggest “if you’re interested, please e-mail me with the following information about yourself and what caught your eye”, etc. It might serve as a filter for the morons, but maybe not.
Good luck. I think patience is the only way to go with these things. Anyway, it worked for me (knock on wood), but only after a lot of months.
skutir brought up an idea that I had a long time ago after talking to some Match dates about their experiences.
htns, you’re post is pretty funny, though apparently unintentionally. She already has a kid, you’re acting like her horrible Match men, and not reading her post carefully! :eek:
(Aw, I’m not really hittin’ on ya, Cheesy–I just wanted to catch your attention. )
I agree with the others–you profile and pics are great. Definitely add something about your son, including maybe how old he is and some of his interests, and/or some things you like to do together. That’s a way of bringing him into it while emphasizing that your kid is a fun, positive part of your life.
Here are just a couple of things I thought of. (Disclaimer: I’ve never used Match or anything)
–Make the pic with the glasses your main picture. I think it’s cute as can be. Lots of guys like girls with glasses, and it may deflect some of the guys who are just using the “not hideous–send email” approach. Plus, you seem to be a really cool combination of brains, athleticism, and beauty. Play up the brains. The beauty is obvious, and the athleticism is clear from other parts of your profile.
–Loosen your height requirement, unless having a six-footer is truly a requirement for you. If I 5’10" guy is using some kind of a search, he might miss you. Maybe this is just me, but if I were a guy, I’d probably be more impressed by someone who didn’t seem to buy into the “men must be taller” stererotype, just like I am really turned off by guys who are into the “woman must be younger” stereotype–even if I meet their requirements.
–Green Bean, a girl with glasses and a 6’2" husband.
Remember how she was complaining about people not reading her profile? The same usually goes for threads too: read before you comment. Trust me, it works better!
While you’re right, there was a nugget of truth somewhere in that comment (the learning to love being single part, though I would replace “being single” with “yourself”). Being happy with yourself when you’re alone means you’re much more likely to be happy in a relationship, mainly because you won’t settle for someone just because you’re afraid of being alone.
Ok… I’m a bit of an oddity here… I’m on maybe 5 or 6 internet dating sites and I’ve been hanging out on them for a few years now. It’s a great way to meet people and since I’m not looking for something long term it’s a venue that works well for me… you can be as blunt, straight forward and honest about what you’re looking for and you still get responses.
Now given that you know a little more about the perspective and experience I’m making my commentary from I would suggest:
The suggestion earlier to limit your pictures down to the one of you in glasses with the puppy is a very good one. You are not just pretty Jay-C, you are gorgeous. That’s going to get a lot of lust puppies sending notes, but it is also going to stop a lot of guys from writing because they will see a woman they have no hope of success with. You are fully into the “So attractive it’s intimidating” category.
I’ll also chime in favor of removing any mention of the word Dare from your About Me section (or anywhere else in your profile.)
The usual mention that you and your son are a package deal with the equally usual disclaimer that you’re not looking for a replacement father would be a good addition there.
Another thought would be to put up a profile at one of the more alternative venues like nerve.com. You’re quirky, you’re geeky, this is likely to have a more conducive audience.
If you aren’t already actively browsing for profiles that suit your fancy, start! Women who drop me a smile/wink/tease/whatever that particular service calls it get extra attention and definitely longer messages from me.
I’ll also add my voice to the thought that a lot of the short responses you’re getting are due to men trying the shotgun approach. They know the odds of a reply are low so they send a LOT of messages. That’s one reason I’m fond of those services that charge Credits/points/whatever by the message/chat session rather than a monthly fee. If you’re paying for each message you send you try to make those messages count, so you put more effort into them.
Now THAT, jay-c, is an interesting suggestion from alice. Try it for a while.
Based on your love of cartoons and your quirky sense of humor, if I had a broom long enough to reach Ohio I’d sweep you off your feet. I, too, have a quirky sense of humor, and love the classic Bugs Bunny & Road Runner cartoons. When come back, bring books, dearie.
Here in Minnesota the better front end is CityPages personals. (I found them through an noline reference and didn’t discover the local front end till later. It was odd to not be able to say “we met on nerve” because she actually logged into the same personals database from CityPages and therefore wouldn’t have known what I was talking about)
It’s alternative/edgy/whatever the current pop word for geekier people are.
Only one thing I really don’t like about the place… you sign up with one username, and you post your personal(s) under other usernames.
I try to use the same username everywhere and so signed in to the first prompt with dublos and then had to come up with a different name for what someone would see on my profile.
CityPages taps the SpringStreet database which is actually national. Lots of alternative newspapers use it, including The Onion (and perhaps the Chicago Reader). My girlfriend was using that one for a while (via CityPages, we’re Twin Cities folk too) but we met via match.com. I think you are right that groovy people are more likely to use SpringStreet.
It hadn’t occurred to me that my pictures may be part of the problem. Quite honestly, I thought I did have plain pictures. I’m not wearing much makeup in any of them, and no makeup at all in the picture with the dog. I’m not wearing flashy or revealing clothes in any of the pictures either. In fact, all were just candid pics snapped by friends or family - none were posed or thought out. I chose those pictures specifically because they didn’t seem contrived to me, just how I look under everyday, normal circumstances. I do have one where I’m making a silly and quite unattractive face - maybe I should upload that and remove others.
I took out the “dare” comment, now I just need the folks at Match to approve the new wording. I’ll check out nerve.com, too - it sounds more like the sort of thing I’m looking for.
And Scuba_Ben, your opening line was quite good. It would have garnered a response from me, had it been submitted through Match.
Your pictures do not appear contrived. You just are that pretty. So yes, I am suggesting that you do put up somewhat contrived pictures, contrived to make you look <i>less</i> gorgeous. Which I must admit is just wierd advice to be giving someone. :eek:
I’m not really a big fan of pretending you’re someone you’re not. Trying to contrive “ugly” pictures of yourself is like dumbing down your ad so you don’t look too smart.
If you really hate the responses you get, you can take complete control of your Match experience by not reading any of them, and just sending out your own emails to men you’re interested in. That’s what the guys do, mostly because we get frightfully few responses, but what’s the diff?
You might also be interested in Lavalife.com, it’s rather more up front with respect to sex than Match, but I found my fiance there, so no complaints.
This was the pattern I followed too. I signed up for a few online services (never paid for match though but they all pretty much work the same). Initially, I wrote detailed emails to the women I liked commenting on their profiles and their interests. Few ever even responded and nothing ever got past email #2. After a while I started to say “fuck this, I’m wasting time”. I would then send out much briefer and more numerous responses, still trying to mention some aspect of their profiles and suggesting that they look at mine. The result of this approach, even more nothing. Finally, now, I’ve pretty much given up. I still log in every day to keep my profile coming up in the “recently logged in” searches by other users but I really don’t waste time responding to ads anymore.
A plea to women (and men, I suppose). If you sign up for a matchmaking website of some sort, and someone sends you an email into which they’ve obviously put a lot of thought and effort and care, at least have the common courtesy to write back and say that you’re not interested.
Asking someone out and being turned down is one thing. Finding a profile that you get all excited about, spending a lot of time writing a clever and personal email, and then… just… never… hearing… back… but… you… keep… hoping…
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