Shit, I hit the wrong box when I thought I was coding, and didn’t pay attention, can some kind mod fix this please?
This whole height thing is a tempest in a teapot thing for me (YMMV). I think that a man’s overall attractiveness (features, temperament) are far more important than height. Of course, I’m 5’4" so most guys are taller than me (or at least not shorter). But even shorter, I don’t care that much.
I mean, how could I not find someone like Michael Hurst adorable? He’s short, but very attractive, at least I think so. But if a certain amount of women would automatically dismiss someone as adorable as he is because of height, oh well. I think there are still plenty of women who would be able to appreciate attractive guys like him. (And while I’m on the subject, a whole lot of quite attractive actors are pretty short. Does that make them undatable? Absolutely not.)
djf750, you have to put something in there as a preference, otherwise you’re saying “I’m interested in anything with a penis, but you girls may as well email me too, who knows? I don’t care if you’re tall or short, fat or skinny, good looking or ugly, old or young, local or half a world away, just send me an email.”
Anyway, all the guys who don’t quite fit her preferences can still email her, and she’ll still look at them, believe me, most guys will still email if they’re close. If they’re nowhere near her preferences (50 instead of 30) it’s probably best if they don’t bother.
My point is that she narrowed her choices down so much that the good guys will be scared away. “Damn, I’m 6’9”, she will reject me. Oh well, next ad."
I had a friend who was in great shape, she was into hang gliding and was VERY fit and liked guys that way. I hadn’t seen her for a while and she tells me she is in love with a guy who was a little bit shorter than her (she was about 5’8" ) and had a little bit of a belly. And she was vey happy.
She told me “my grandmother always told me , men fall in love with their eyes, women fall in love with their ears”
Fuck you, jackass. Maybe if you had any clue as to how Match works, you would be able to make an intelligent commentary on my profile. For the majority of the information that Match gathers, the user is presented with dropdowns from which to select a value. Fields like height and age cannot be left blank - you have to select something. After you select your preferences in the dropdowns, you are asked to prioritize your selections as “Somewhat”, “Not very” or “Absolutely” important. In anything related to physical appearance, I ranked my choices as “Not very”, so if a guy who is 5’8 and carrying a few extra pounds runs a search, I’ll still come up. Selecting my preference doesn’t make me a “control freak”, and in my case, it’s really not excluding anyone since I set those things as low priority.
I do agree on the age limit issue. Actually, my age limit was supposed to be 35, but I’d somehow put 35 only in my Friends profile and not my Dating profile. My mistake. In truth, my age limit is actually about 10 years older than me, but when I initially had 38 as my limit, it seemed that men in their 40s were thinking, “38 isn’t that far from 40…”, and I got a lot more emails from men that were definitely older than what I was interested in. I bumped it down a couple of years. Why waste their time? My parents are still in their 40s, and it is a little skeevy to me to date someone close in age to my father. Call that ageism or whatever the hell you want. I simply don’t want to date someone who will in all likelihood have more in common with my mother than with me.
For those of you who had comments on my height limitations, it has been pointed out already that I am a tall girl. In heels, I’m damn near 6’, and I’m still the dwarf of my family. My grandfathers, father and uncles are all 6’4 or taller. My mother and sister are both 6’. Tall is what I am used to, and though height is certainly a low priority for me, I do feel uncomfortable when I tower over my date. Again, I chose 5’11 as my low-end height because I assumed that men who were within a couple of inches of that would still respond, and I was right, judging by the emails I’ve received from men who are under 5’11. I should probably point out that my ex-husband was 5’9 and weighed close to 275, and neither his height nor his weight were ever issues for me. While I have a preference for certain characteristics, it’s obviously not a hard and fast rule.
I would also like to point out that I didn’t complain in my OP that I was irritated with receiving emails from men who were too short, or weighed too much. My complaint was that I was receiving obvious form letters from people who had clearly not read my profile. I didn’t ask to be ripped apart, I asked for constructive criticism on how to improve my profile. Regarding your comment that “there is something wrong here,” again - fuck you. I am a very shy person, I don’t go to bars, and a large part of my free time is spent with my son or at my job, so meeting people in the “conventional” way is probably not going to happen for me. I’ve been back on Match a whopping total of 2 weeks. Of course, I should have met my soulmate by now, so there’s obviously something wrong with me if I haven’t, right? :rolleyes:
It’s only supposed to take two weeks?
Damn, I gotta get to work here.
Just so you know, jay-c, the way Match.com works, if you specify “required height” at 5’ 11" to 6’ 8", you will not be shown a match who is 5’8" or 6’9", even if they are a “perfect match” in every other respect. Fiddle around with your requested heights, and see what I mean. Weird that Match works that way, but there you go. I know you might not want to date shorter men, but there’s no point in cutting out that 6’9" former college basketball player that might live down the road.
I hope this isn’t taken as a criticism, but I would look farther than 20 miles away if I were you. If Match works in any way like most mapping software I’m familiar with, they’ll measure from the “city center” of the towns. (BTW, Match insisted that I lived in a non-existent city, and refused to change it on my profile despite multiple requests.) 20 miles to Match doesn’t mean 20 miles in reality…it could be 15 or 25, especially if it’s measuring from a sprawling suburb.
Oh well, I never thought I’d date someone farther away than 50 miles myself. Now, I am dating someone 712 miles away. (Not through Match, but she did see my profile! Guess she didn’t read it, either 
)
jay-c,
I think someone mentioned that the responses did indicate that the person read your profile. I don’t see anything wrong with a short message that indicates that they did read what you wrote. I don’t know what you’re expecting them to write to you, perhaps you can clear that up for us hear. To me your profile is pretty vanilla, a lot of women are saying the same types of things. You’re looking for someone to make you laugh? What’s wrong with someone you can laugh with? You’re prone to random acts of craziness? Would be they be like slashing tires kind of crazy? Lastly, it may be in your interest to write the person back especially if they have a decent photo that you like and have a profile that you find interesting.
EasyPhil,
Maybe I was unclear in the OP. The messages I quoted word for word were those that I thought were vaguely offensive or lame, along the lines of “your[sic] pretty” or “I dare you to write me back.” Those people obviously read my profile, but to me seemed to have no interest in me other than the physical. I then went on to say that the rest of the messages I received made it clear that the sender had not read my profile. So I guess I had 2 complaints: the short messages that made the sender seem like an idiot, and the “form” style message that seem like the sender sent the same exact message to everyone. Maybe those are stupid complaints, I don’t know. Maybe I should be happy to receive any messages at all.
I guess what I’m looking/hoping for is a message that shows the sender not only read my profile, but is capable of discussing my interests, or sharing their own interests with me. Possibly the best email that I have received is from a guy who read that I enjoyed fishing, and asked me questions about what I fished for, what sort of tackle I used (for bass, I prefer a chartreuse jig head texas-rigged to an action grub, but that’s neither here nor there), etc. From what he wrote, it was obvious that he also had experience fishing. To me, that showed that he read my profile, and also conveyed he had a common interest. Along those lines, he just as easily could have said, “I see that you read Nouwen. I think his work is total crap, and this is why…” which would open up a debate.
When I email someone whose profile I am interested in, I make sure to comment on a specific item in their profile that interested me. For instance, if someone plays guitar, I ask him questions about what type of guitar he has, how long he’s been playing, or if I bribed him with cheesecake if he’d be willing to teach me how to play. I suppose I’m expecting someone to make the same amount of effort that I make.
than I, people! Taller, older, whatever than I, not “me”. You’re not a direct object in those sentences.
Anyway, about the whole shallow issue. I think it’s cute that misguided feminism has deluded so many American women into thinking they have much of a choice in finding a partner. They compile these stringent fantasy lists, frustrated that they don’t seem to be able to run into enough guys who look just like the model they’ve been eyeing in the latest GAP ads. Listen ladies; there are more men in jail than women, more men are sent off to die in war than women, there are more gay men than there are lesbians, and there are more male-to-female transgendered than the other way around. The female pool is much larger than the male pool. There’s a huge chance that plenty of you will die alone. You can sit there and turn your nose up at every less than ideal suitor you should be thanking God is even interested, waiting for soley that perfect, 6’3" white (or latino) guy with a strong chin, green eyes, and just the right amount of hair on his arms, or you can face reality and accept that you’re still the merchandise, not the shopper.
I think you’re expectations of what should be written to you based upon what you would write is unrealistic. You are you and they are them and an initial email is just that an initial email. Yes it can be perfect i.e. by your standards but in the real world it is what it is. Having said that, the “perfect” or less than “perfect” first email in no way will give you an idea of whether or not you and the writer are compatible.
I’m curious as to what the response has been to the email that you have sent out. What are the men coming back with? Are they coming back with anything? If not why not?
yeah, well I notice you took the jackass’ advice and changed the distance and age.
what I really find curious is that all you do is list all your accomplishments and there is really nothing about your kid.
and the part that you wrote reeks of perfectionism, which scares many good men away.
and you and some of the other posters are very wrong about the age issue. what the hell is the difference between a 26 year old man and a 30 year old man??
you are saying that if some 45 year guy came along and you fell deeply in love and your kid loved him and he loved your kid, you’d reject him because your parents are in their 40’s?
i love women but they are nuts. what pizza said about women waiting for that perfect guy is true. and i hate to tell you ladies this but:
THERE IS NO SOULMATE OUT THERE!!! ONLY IMPERFECT HUMAN MALES! DEAL WITH IT!
Oh come on **djf750[/50], why you being so real? Why deny a person their right to ask for their perfect mate you know like how you order a new car in the color that you want with all of the options that you want. I mean, damn, everything can be custom ordered these days, why not a mate?
Quite the ray of sunshine, aren’t you?
And so why is it that so many men whine and complain that they can’t find women, and even have to go to Russia or China to find a bride? If women are a dime a dozen and just “merchandise” and we all should feel damned lucky that anything with testicles looks in our direction, and all . . .
And let’s not even get started on how picky and deluded some men can be. (As evidenced in the discussion in elmwood’s Match.com thread.) Like for instance, unattractive, older guys only wanting sweet young skinny things? But I guess that’s different, because women are the “merchandise,” right?
Yeah, I know. I was just being sensationalist. I’m completely out of the whole male/female game so I can pretend to be superior (and the unattractive, older guys only wanting sweet young skinny things actually annoys me more).
There is nothing wrong with an attractive, successful woman seeking an attractive, successful man.
I stand by my earlier analyis of this thread-- men who don’t fit her “want list” are the ones whining about her profile.
jay-c , keep increasing that distance to include Florida, and tell me that pierced nipples don’t bother you, and i’ll be all over it 
[QUOTE=yosemitebabe]
And so why is it that so many men whine and complain that they can’t find women, and even have to go to Russia or China to find a bride? If women are a dime a dozen and just “merchandise” and we all should feel damned lucky that anything with testicles looks in our direction, and all . . . QUOTE]
I can only speak for myself, but I don’t make a good first impression. I have little interest in small talk and anything witty I might say usually comes when I am lying in bed, alone, later that night slapping my head thinking why the hell I didn’t say it earlier. A place like Match is perfect for me because it allows me to compose my thoughts in an orderly manner and make that first good impression. Plus, it allows me to target an audience that also has things in common with me. Which is why I never bothered with women who didn’t write anything in their profile even though I fit their criteria. Why bother with someone you know nothing about. You might as well go to a bar and try to pickup women there.
Having been working overseas now for 3 years I can say that women tend to be more approachable than in North America. People don’t expect constant natter. Awkward silences are less likely to happen. It gives you time to think of something to say that is meaningful. Not that you’d sit there for an hour without talking, but the pressure is less than I found to be the case back home.
As a single 30-year-old woman with very high standards* for a mate, I actually found pizzabrat’s post amusing. It verbalizes our worst nightmares. I think I’m going to go watch Sex and the City now.
- By “very high standards” I mean that I want someone who might conceivably be considered my equal. Apparently this is unrealistic and if I don’t settle for some old, ugly, stupid jerk I will die old and alone. :eek:
I second (or third or whatever) the call to add specifics on likes to the ad. When I’m looking at personals, if there’s nothing that I can click onto like “Oh, I like this about X, and what do you think about related topic Y?”, then I usually pass it over – but then that may just be how I work. You have a lot of writing there, which is good, but a little more detail gives potentials something to try and start a conversation about.
As far as the preferences thing – everyone knows there’s wiggle room in those. What, you’re not suppossed to try to find an ideal first? Or are you just suppossed to go for anyone with a pulse? I’m 6-6 so when I do searched, the first thing I do is search for 5-9 women and up, and if I don’t find anything there I expand. I hardly think that makes me shallow. It’s called punching your weight.
Hey, how YOU doin? 