Okay, you’ve got Cheesesteak interested, and I’m curious.
What are your very high standards? There’s always the odd chance that some Doper will claim to meet them. And please tell us about yourself, too – a match goes both ways. Got photo? Got profile? Got in-joke?
One thing about Match.com’s matching algorithm, though, is that while most other criteria are given variable weights – someone could indicate that they want to date someone with a college education, and still end up with those only having a high school education as mutual matches – height is absolute. At 5’ 10", women who indicate that they want to meet a man 5’ 11" or taller just won’t show up in my list of mutual matches.
I do see a lot of women who are 5’8 " or 5’ 6" who write “You must be at least 6’ tall, because I sometimes wear high heels” in their profiles. Do women really wear high heels all the time? Would the majority of woman be embarassed because they’re the same hgith as their significant other, if not a half inch or inch taller, during that relatively small amount of time together when she’s wearing heels?
Some women might claim “well, you don’t have to match my profile exactly,” but then again, I also hear women complain about the nerve of men who write that don’t meet their criteria. “Why waste my time if you’re too old/short/poor/uneducated?” I’ll see somebody with a great profile, an attractive photo, and a profile that indicates a preference for men who are 5’ 11" and taller, with an annual income of $50,000 or more. Well, I’m 5’ 10", and my annual income falls about 3% short of the magic threshold I see in so many profiles. Should I write, when there are probablytend of other men who meet or exceed those preferences swooning? My response rate with women who are in my league, with preferences that I more than meet, is about 10% to 15%. Why should I spend 30 or 40 minutes to wcompose a letter to someone who, experience tells me, won’t write back?
As for the generic, generic match.com men … jay-c and other women with personal ads online, have you gotten responses from guys that include shirtless photos? I have a female friend with an ad up, and she says about half of her responses from guys include at least one shirtless photo. What’s the deal with that? I don’t look at MSW ads, but I’m wondering if they include any cliches that are the equivalent of “looking for my knight in shining armor” or “loves walks along the beach, drinking wine by the dfireplace, and candlelit dinners”?
One thing about Match.com’s matching algorithm, though, is that while most other criteria are given variable weights – someone could indicate that they want to date someone with a college education, and still end up with those only having a high school education as mutual matches – height is absolute. At 5’ 10", women who indicate that they want to meet a man 5’ 11" or taller just won’t show up in my list of mutual matches.
I do see a lot of women who are 5’8 " or 5’ 6" who write “You must be at least 6’ tall, because I sometimes wear high heels” in their profiles. Do women really wear high heels all the time? Would the majority of woman be embarassed because they’re the same hgith as their significant other, if not a half inch or inch taller, during that relatively small amount of time together when she’s wearing heels?
Some women might claim “well, you don’t have to match my profile exactly,” but then again, I also hear women complain about the nerve of men who write that don’t meet their criteria. “Why waste my time if you’re too old/short/poor/uneducated?” I’ll see somebody with a great profile, an attractive photo, and a profile that indicates a preference for men who are 5’ 11" and taller, with an annual income of $50,000 or more. Well, I’m 5’ 10", and my annual income falls about 3% short of the magic threshold I see in so many profiles. Should I write, when there are probably tens of other men who meet or exceed those preferences swooning? My response rate with women who are in my league, with preferences that I more than meet, is about 10% to 15%. Why should I spend 30 or 40 minutes to wcompose a letter to someone who, experience tells me, won’t write back?
As for the generic, generic match.com men … jay-c and other women with personal ads online, have you gotten responses from guys that include shirtless photos? I have a female friend with an ad up, and she says about half of her responses from guys include at least one shirtless photo. What’s the deal with that? I don’t look at MSW ads, but I’m wondering if they include any cliches that are the equivalent of “looking for my knight in shining armor” or “loves walks along the beach, drinking wine by the dfireplace, and candlelit dinners”?
Simulpost. Typos. I am teh suxxorz!!!1!! Can a mod delete one of the simulposts?
When I was on the personal ads, I got quite a few with shirtless photos. Personally, I’m not all that into physique - honestly, I’d rather have a man with a little belly than one with a six-pack of abs, anyway. The worst one I ever got was a man who, in addition to meeting almost NONE of my criteria (he was too old - 38 to my 23 - sorry, I just dont’ want to date somebody that much older than me). He was also interested in not one of the things I’d put as interests, and his list of books he loved mostly consisted of books I’d read and disliked or just thought were stupid. Same thing with movies. Opposites may attract, but I’d still like to have SOMETHING in common with you. The worst part was that his only pic was him, shirtless - with his face cut off! just him from neck to waist. Yes, he had a very nice body, but if I’m looking at a pic, I’d much rather see the face, thank you. To this day, I still can’t figure out why he sent me a message.
The most universal request from men I’ve seen is that they want women who eat like they do. This generally includes lots of beer and bar foods (not that I don’t love beer and evil fried things! mmm…I haven’t had breakfast yet…hot wings, anyone?). At least, this is what I got from my experience.
and Jay-C - I was on the personals (two different sites) for over a year before I found anybody worth dating for an extended period of time. It may take less time for you, it may take more. I also changed my profile quite a few times before I was really getting the kinds of responses I wanted. Like you, I also set an age limit which was actually smaller than I really wanted. I set mine at 27, I beleive, because when it was set at 32, I got men who were almost 40 sending me replies. Once I set it back to 27, I got a few 30 year olds, but usually not many who were older. I don’t think it’s shallow for me to not want to date a guy who is closer to my dad’s age than mine.
Awwww, man … I had a great post, and now the thread is dead.
Gawd, I’m such a party pooper. 
Don’t take it personally, jay-c is no doubt too busy reviewing headless, shirtless photos of 45-year-old men from Oklahoma who hate kids to keep up here.
It’s not a complete waste, elmwood, this thread inspired me to dust off my old match.com profile. Now I can once again send detailed, thoughtful messages to women who will likely never reply. And at a bargain price, too! 
Are you kidding? Girls who look like the OP can have their pick of whatever men they want, including what she has asked for.
That’s what I don’t get, why you’re on Match.com? You must meet and attract men like craz;y out in real life, don’t you??
And if you’re a 'puter geek too, you must work in a world where there are lots of males just as you describe? (not that I blame you, after going out with my former bf/still close friend for 7 years, I’m quite partial to smart, quirky, fun guys).
At any rate, good luck with your search, this trying to find “Mr. Right” stuff sucks.
If you don’t understand that, then you don’t know much about a lot of women (and no, of COURSE not all).
1.) For many women, it’s very uncomfortable to be taller than their mate. It makes us feel gawky, huge and unfeminine. Though I don’t have too much of a problem with height, as long as the man isn’t some sunken-chested, scrawny little waif. It may be considered shallow by some, but I like men, to be well, MEN. Complete with lotsa testosterone and muscles. And yeah, a lot of it is how I feel next to, or compared to the man. As it is for a lot of women.
To have preferences, even, or maybe especially, if they are physical ones, is just normal human sexuality, genetics, and biology. It sucks if you aren’t the “perfect specimen” but it’s really not personal.
Next you’re going to tell us it’s shallow to expect him to have a penis…
I can understand that for women, it being “Darwinism in action”, “the need to feel protected” and the “need to feel like a woman”. So, why does society – at least in North America – now dictate that men should ignore weight, and that they’re superficial, sizeist, and overall terrible human beings if they don’t find themselves attracted to women who are larger than they are?
To paraphrase CanvasShoes, in dating, I like women, to be, well, WOMEN. Still, though, it seems more wrong to hold that belief than for a woman to find herself unattracted to shorter men.
Here here, brother. After spending hours and hours sending our carefully wordsmithed, not-too-long, not-too-short, not graphic, wittily written letters ro match.com women, and having the results of my work disappear in the digital ether, I’m just tempted now to wink at about 50 WSM profiles, and see who winks back.
jay-c could try her luck in Cleveland … wink wink.
I don’t think that society does dictate that. If they did, we wouldn’t be seeing “No Fat Chicks” bumper stickers, and we wouldn’t be barraged with magazines showing only skinny models. We wouldn’t be inundated with messages that if we aren’t skinny, we’re nothing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CanvasShoes
IFor many women, it’s very uncomfortable to be taller than their mate. It makes us feel gawky, huge and unfeminine. Though I don’t have too much of a problem with height, as long as the man isn’t some sunken-chested, scrawny little waif. It may be considered shallow by some, but I like men, to be well, MEN.
[quoteI can understand that for women, it being “Darwinism in action”, “the need to feel protected” and the “need to feel like a woman”. So, why does society – at least in North America – now dictate that men should ignore weight, and that they’re superficial, sizeist, and overall terrible human beings if they don’t find themselves attracted to women who are larger than they are? [/quote]
I don’t have a problem with that at all. It’s just human sexuality. And I’ll bet that really obese women are just as uncomfortable with smaller men, than the men are with reallly overweight women.
Absolutely. The problem with both over AND underweight is that it tends to blur the secondary sexual characteristics. Tending to make women NOT look like women, but either sticks or little butterballs, and men not to look like men, but either little boys, or well butterballs.
If you’ll notice, many times, even chunky girls can get lotsa guys interested in them. If they are the all important “height/weight proportional”.
And especially if said girl is fit and cute too. With men, I’ll bet that even the shorter ones, if they’ve not blurred the secondary sexual characteristics by being too thin, or too fat. And especially if they’re somewhat well-muscled and virile.
What I see going on here, (and believe me, being as I’m an ancient crone, no longer cute as she is, I’d love to cheerfully tie the OP up and feed her milkshakes until she hit about 3 tons :D, but at least I’m honest about it, and don’t hide behind telling her she’s being “too picky” and so on), is that men who don’t fit her list are offended and insulted, instead of taking it for what it really is, merely normal human sexuality. Who we’re attracted to, or not attracted to isn’t personal.
The old “she doesn’t want me, therefore she’s a stuck up picky bitch” (or the female version toward men) mentality is both counterproductive, and childish.
See, here’s the problem. I’m pretty shy when it comes to meeting men. I used to be a bit chunky. Okay, chunky is putting it very nicely. I was a BIG girl, about a size 20 at my largest. A couple of years ago, I started working out regularly, and eating normal sized portions, and I lost about 70 pounds. I never did it to look better, just to be healthier - I was getting winded just walking up the stairs, and I have a son to worry about. I was diagnosed with type II diabetes and asthma, and that was my wakeup call. I was heading for an early grave, fueled by Krispy Kreme and KFC.
Losing weight gave me the confidence to dress a little more feminine, and to grow my hair out from it’s short, more boyish style. When I was heavier, I was shy because men didn’t pay much attention to me, and I didn’t know how to interact with them. Now that I’m thinner, and more “attractive” by society’s standards, I’m shy because I get a lot of attention, but still haven’t learned how to deal with it. I know, poor me, right? :rolleyes:
I suppose there is a small part of me that resents getting attention for my appearance. I’m still the same person that I was 70 pounds ago - I’m just as funny and intelligent now as I was then. The only thing that has changed is my exterior. I automatically assume that men that approach me are looking only at the outside, so it’s difficult for someone to get to know me, because I’m always wondering if they would have felt the same were I the “fat” me. My sister calls it the ugly duckling syndrome. I’m not sure how much weight I give it, but she may be correct.
Anyway, that is why I chose Match. I figured that with meeting someone in that manner, it would be easy to weed out those who were superficial, because they would make a lot of comments about my appearance, and quickly lose interest and move on if I didn’t want to meet right away. Plus, I had the ability to converse with someone for as long as I chose before meeting them, which allowed me to better assess the qualities I was looking for - intelligence, sense of humor, etc. So there’s my long-winded response to your questions… hope that made sense.
Had to respond to this phenomenon. Do guys really have profiles like this? The shirtless muscle shots, I mean. I haven’t stumbled across a profile meeting that description yet. I’ve heard from male friends that there are quite a few women on Match with great photos, who are very attractive, and once you talk to them a while, they end up trying to lure you to a porn site or offering up their services for money. Could these shirtless men be doing the same thing? Has anyone actually talked to these guys, and if so, were their intentions dishonorable?
Not at all. I have been through the same thing, only sort of backward from where you are. As a girl, I was cute as all get out (this was WAY before the net, I know I’m dating myself here :D).
The lack of attention that occurred when you were heavier, and the sudden influx of attention that you’re getting now, are just different sides of the same coin. It’s attention directed, or withheld from you based on your EXTERIOR characteristics.
I completely understand. And I kind of felt the same way too. I had been fit and cut up until I got preggers with my son when I was 31, after that I was invisible to men, until I lost the weight again. My son’s father treated me differently based on what phase of weight loss I was in. You’re thinking HELLOOO??? I’m the SAME damn person, what is it you LOVE here, me? Or my jean size?
Thanks for explaining, I totally understand, and you’re right, it IS a good way to screen and weed out losers.
Well, I wish you the utmost of luck in your search.
well I have one of those pics, but it’s because I’ve chatted with a few girls from various sites online and they ALL ask for a pic with no shirt on…I doubt they are luring girls to porn sites…more likely, they have taken the pic on request in the past and now have it, so they think"I might as well send it/post it/whatever"
also-- “it would be easy to weed out those who were superficial, because they would make a lot of comments about my appearance,”
Don’t be so quick to judge based on that…It would be hard for me to compliment your intelligence or personality based on a profile when we have had NO interaction.
Honestly jay-c, you are going to have to get used to guys approaching you based on your looks. No guy is going to go “wow that girl looks smart, I’ll go talk to her”…We are going to approach you because you’re attractive…some of us will want to get to know the real you…some of us will be trying to get into your pants, but if you want to weed out the guys who are physically attracted to you, you are going to be weeding out 95% of the male population.