What’s the best football (soccer, I guess) chant you’ve heard?
I read of one today, Liverpool fans (the best in the world) have been heard to sing to the tune of Feddy La Grande - Put Your Hands up for Detroit :
Put your hands up for Dirk Kuyt - He loves this city
Did they win many games?
In Scotland, Rangers goalkeeper Andy “The Goalie” Goram was used to his adoring home support chanting “There’s only one Andy Goram, one Andy Goram, one Andy Gooooruuuummmm” - to the tune of Guantanamera. Unfortunately for Andy the booze and kebabs took their toll, and he confessed to the newspapers that he had been diagnosed as being mildly schizophrenic.
Cue every opposition support for the rest of his career breaking out in:
“There’s only two Andy Goram’s…”.
“We all live in a proddy housing scheme…” to the tune of “Yellow Submarine” by Rangers’ fans. There was another one about stabbing Lennon in the neck, but it wasn’t as catchy 
Not usually. They once went six years (43 games) without a win.
A trenchant commentary on the socio-economic situation of the supporters of the two main Glasgow clubs (Rangers and Celtic), oft quoted by fans from other parts of the country goes thus:
“In your Glasgow slums
In your Glasgow slums
You rake in your buckets for something to eat
You find a dead rat and you think it’s a treat
In your Glasgow slums
In your Glasgow slums
Your mum’s on the game and
Your dad’s in the nick
You can’t get a job cause you’re so fucking thick
In your Glasgow slums”
There are loads of others:
Here’s one from Manchester United, about either one of the brothers Phil and Gary Neville, to the tune of David Bowie’s “Rebel Rebel”:
“Neville Neville, you play in defence,
Neville Neville, your play is immense,
Neville Neville, like Jacko you’re bad,
Neville Neville is the name of your dad”
And yes, the Neville brothers’ dad is called Neville Neville.
Somewhat crueller is the chant directed at David Beckham, referring to him and his wife’s matrimonial arrangements - to the tune of the Pet Shop Boys/Village People classic “Go West”:
“Posh Spice takes it up the arse” ad infinitum.
I know a lot of old stuff about Los Angeles High School, not because I went there but because I’m interested in local institional history, and about a hundred years ago they used this:
Why yes, I think High School has a lot to offer the budding intellect, but you’d think when it came to school pride they would have wanted to mention their high school.
A rather cruel, but funny, one I heard of (not heard personally). After Andy Goram was reported to have schizophrenia fans sang:
Two Andy Gorams, there’s only two Andy Gorams
I also like that that when Liverpool played Monaco (a city with one of the highest concentration of millionaires per square-mile) they sang “In your monaco slums” ironically.
A couple of international ones I’ve heard of:
Opposing fans singing “Your mayor smokes crack with whores” to DC United.
Chile fans singing “Lets all go to the beach” to Bolivia (whose only access to the coast was taken my Chile during a war in the 1800s)
My Mom recalls this ditty when she went to Northwestern. The Wildcats would annually get stomped by football troglodytes the Big Ten state schools (NU is private). So they had this chant:
“That’s all right, that’s okay
You’ll be working for us some day”
Northwestern lost 34 straight games in the late 70s, and she remembers students bringing their studies to games and spreading out on the near-empty bleachers to do work.
The chant which turned an insult into our nickname…in response to “one-nil to the tractor boys” from Liverpool fans, the north stand came out with "I’d rather be a farmer than a thief…"
The more normal anti-Naaarich song:
Delia Smith is illegitimate
Her food tastes like someone’s shat in it
She’s so fat she must’ve eaten it
Bring on one fat lady
Music and sports? I’m kicking this one over to Cafe Society.
To which the Norwich boys respond with:
My old man said “Be an Ipswich fan”;
I said “No! Fuck off! Bollocks! You’re a cunt!
You’re a cunt, you’re a cunt, you’re a cunt…”
etc. 
Traditional Charlton Athletic chant. ‘Hate’ is pronounced 'ate with a South London glottal stop.
We hate Millwall and we hate Millwall
We hate Millwall and we hate Millwall
We hate Millwall and we 'ate Millwall
We are the Millwall – haters
Not exactly “genius” though, is it?
West Ham, to the tune of “That’s Amore”:
“When the ball hits the net and the club’s out of debt, that’s Zamora”
or
“When the ball hits your head and you’re sat in Row Z, that’s Zamora”
… depending on one’s feelings about a certain Hammers striker.
I’m quite enjoying the current one going around Arsenal fans:
Oh we’d… rather have a willie that a cunt, rather have a willie than a cunt… (etc)
the “Willie” being William Gallas and the “cunt” being Ashley Cole.
I still love the classic:
“Are you tottenham in disguise?!”
chanted at any team playing particularly badly or after we’ve scored a decent number of goals.
also to the tune of Yellow Submarine- “we all live in a Robbie Fowler house”, due to the strikers ownership of many many flats.
*When I was just a little boy
I asked my mother: ‘what should I be?’
‘Should I be City? Should I be Town?’
Here’s what she said to me:
‘Wash your mouth out son
And go fetch your father’s gun
We’ll go shoot some Norwich scum
Shoot some Norwich scum.’
He’s only a poor little budgie
His shirt is all tattered and torn
He started to sing, so we filled the cunt in
And now he don’t sing anymore*
Should I go on?
After the Kursk sinking, there were a few chants along the lines of ‘going down like a Russian submarine’…
Ooooh, how could I forget:
Your sister is your mother
Your father is your brother
You like to fuck each other
The Norwich family
Da da da dum click click, da da da dum click click…
Yep. I was going to chime in with this one (NU alum that I am). It scans better as:
“That’s all right, that’s okay/You’ll all work for us some day.”
We would also chant “Staaaate Schoooool” at any boneheaded play by a state school.