Get a time machine, spoil movies... for kicks!

Cafe Society
1

You have a time machine, but rather then remove Hitler or buy Microsoft stock, you have far more nefarious plans. You decide to invade popular internet fandom message boards and sites to SPOIL future movies. Your intent is not to give away plot points or answer questions, but to pre-reveal total WTF moments! So nothing mean like revealing:

Darth Vader is Luke’s father

Rather, your goal is to pick a minor point that’ll make rabid fandom scream “there’s no way in hell, troll-boy” but then have egg on their faces afterwards.

[ul]
[li]A person’s Force powers will not determined by faith or pure heart or concentration. There is bacteria called “Midichlorians” present in the bloodstream. The more you have, the more powerful you are. [/li][li]Anakin built C-3PO.[/li][li]R2-D2 can fly. He has rocket jets out of his legs.[/li][li]George Lucas will stop after the third prequel, swearing he never ever meant to make more than six. After a few years, Walt Disney will gain the rights to Star Wars and promptly announce new sequels.[/li][li]Spider-man will have organic webshooters out of his wrists.[/li][li]Faramir will not reject the One Ring, but will try to bring Frodo and the ring back to Minas Tirith. [/li][li]Sauron mostly appears as a flaming giant disembodied eyeball floating over Barad-Dur[/li][li]Despite the popularity of Lord of the Rings, it will take 10 years for The Hobbit to hit the screen. That single book will be stretched into three movies.[/li][li]The Balrog will have visible physical wings. [/li]
[/ul]

Okay, I might be going too far with that last one, putting life and limb at risk. But what would you to make incredulous fans’ heads explode, and be vindicated once released?

2

Some of those wouldn’t seem far-fetched at all to a fanboy. I mean, how else would you depict Sauron except as a flaming eye? And while visible physical balrog wings might upset many fans, they’re entirely predictable in a movie.

3

Seems like an awful lot of trouble for a minimal pay-off, really.

If I had access to a time machine, other then the things the OP suggested, like taking out Hitler and getting in on Microsoft at the ground floor, I think I would put it to a much more gratifying use. For example, running as fast as possible away from my two future ex-wives. :smiley:

4

Well, for Marvel purists:

Nick Fury is black.
The Kingpin is black.
Heimdall is black.

5

And while we’re at it, Ford Prefect is black. Not that I’m sure why it matters.

6

It doesn’t to me, but the Marvel Comic chatboards were ablaze with heated debate as to how, for instance, a Norse god could be black.

7

I’d go straight to super-dickish spoiler mode. Bring a super-sized plasma screen TV and DVD player back with me and then show Revenge of the Sith to a bunch of SW fanboys a few days before Empire Strikes Back is released.

8

They’re going to remake Star Trek with a new cast, and Spock will be in love with Uhura.

9

One of the 21st century’s most popular film franchises will be based on a theme park ride.

10

Marvel introduced black Nick Fury over a decade ago. Samuel L. is by definition the most accurate casting of a comic book character possible.

11

Yeah, but not everybody had read the Ultimates. Older Marvel fans who were out of touch with that particular alternate universe freaked a bit.

12

Not really what the OP is asking for, but if I’d heard someone tell me, in 1995, that in 18 years, there would be:

[ul]
[li]Three X-Men movies, plus two spinoff Wolverine movies and a prequel (“First Class”) as well as a sequel (“Days of Future Past”) to that prequel in development[/li][li]Three Spider-Man movies, plus a reboot with its own sequel in development[/li][li]Three Hulk movies, three Iron Man movies, a Thor movie (with a sequel in development) and a Captain America movie (with a sequel in development, as well as an Avengers movie (with a sequel in development) that became the third-highest-grossing movie of all time[/li][/ul]

… I would never have believed that person. And that’s just Marvel IPs.

13

While less successful, there’s also been the Fantastic Four movies (which they’re going to try to reboot), the Ghost Rider movies, and the Daredevil and Elektra movies.

14

T’hell with that…I’d take back a 35mm copy of Revenge of the Sith, and substitute it for the reels of Return of the Jedi for it’s New York premiere.

I’d just have to block the projection room off long enough for the text crawl to end…after that, the flood. :cool:

It’d also give me a chance to test my theories on how well the prequels’d be received without the baggage of decades of nostalgia, anticipation, and media glut.

15

I’d tell people Titanic sinks!

I’m not very good at this, am I… :frowning:

16

I’d spoil back to the future and tell them that there will be no flying cars in 2015.

17

I’d go back to the early 1970s and tell them they’re going to make a new series of The Twilight Zone in about a decade.

With Rod Serling?

“Sorry to say, he won’t be with us for much longer.”

Then it’ll probably suck.

“Some of it won’t be the same, but it’ll have some pretty decent episodes.”

As long as they keep the same creepy theme music.

“Well, sort of. They’ll record a new version by a different band.”

Who?

“The Grateful Dead.”
Then I’d go to the TV premiere of the 1985 Twilight Zone.

“That actor you just saw is going to go on to star in no less than three movies where he meets an alternate version of himself. And another one where he plays a ghost but is unaware of it.”

Sounds like some bizarre sort of typecasting for him, huh?

“Nope, he’ll mostly be known as an action hero.”

Wait, I think I recognize him from the funny detective show. An action hero?

“Well, he will be known to have a certain sense of humor. But comedy movies he makes won’t do very well.”

Why would all those similar movies get made? Won’t people complain about the lack of ideas in Hollywood?

“Actually, they’ll mostly be praised for their originality and daring vision. And it’ll be true.”

What will Harlan Ellison have to say about that?

“No one will really care.”

18

Who is this?

19

Twelve Monkeys, Looper, and … ?

20

I’m guessing Bruce Willis.