It is with a heavy heart that I post this. But for the sake of the Teeming Millions, I feel I must.
I originally became concerned when I read of Fenris’ attempt to become the new Cecil. At first I considered it nothing more than an attempt at humor, but slowly the blasphemy of the act began to gnaw at me. I understand that he claims that he only wishes to become Cecil’s Metatron. I started to suspect that he wished for more.
As I meditated on my disquiet, I remembered the Origin Stories of the moderators. Was this more humor, or something more sinister. As I read the tales, I was shocked by what I saw. They were flattery of an almost unholy sort. Beautiful words whispered into the ears of each of our moderators in turn. Designed to turn their hearts and minds from Cecil to Fenris himself.
And then it struck me. Virtually all of Fenris’ posts are filled with beautiful lies. There is no SDMB One Trick Pony Chowder and Marching Society. Fenris has not had sex with Englebert Humperdink. These are carefully constructed posts, pleasing to the eye of mortal man, yet filled with the rotten core of falsehood.
Turning my attention away from the Straight Dope for the time being, I began to research. As most of you know already, the name Fenris is from Norse mythology. Fenris is the great and terrible wolf, child of Loki, the trickster god. But there are other, more frightening signs.
I’ve heard various unconfirmed reports of Ouija boards up and down the eastern seaboard randomly spelling out 01252000 - Fenris’ registration date!
When I play my Beatles White Album backwards, in various places I can clearly hear “Turn me on dead Fenris.”
In the movie “The Omen” when Damien is on screen, there is a brief subliminal flash of Fenris’ image. This same ghostly image can be seen behind Ted Danson in the movie “Three Men and a Baby” and again hanging himself in “The Wizard of Oz”.
When I had gathered all this information, the scales fell from my eyes. I saw Fenris as he truly was and I can remain silent no longer. I don’t expect anyone to believe me, for Fenris’ words are too pleasant. But I shall make my feelings known.
For those few who read these words and can appreciate the message, I ask of you these questions:
Do you reject Fenris?
And all his posts?
And all his empty messages?
If you answered “yes” to these question, then repeat the following to yourself:
“Get behind me, Fenris! You are a stumbling block to Me; you do not have in mind the things of Cecil, but the things of the Teeming Millions!”