Get thee away from me, you reconstituted porcine jezebel!

As evidenced by my 2005 thread, Ronald, if you take away my McRib I’ll beat you until you bleed ketchup, McDonald’s McRib sandwiches have been my secret shame for many years. Every new “farewell tour” has seen me slinking in to buy them, looking over my shoulder in fear of being spotted by someone I know.

Well, I think I’ve finally broken its hold over me! This year’s McRib promotion has come and gone, replaced the other day by the perennial Monopoly promotion, and I didn’t have ONE single McRib this year!

My long gustatory nightmare is over. I hope.

Then maybe I shouldn’t tell you that Aldi has a frozen family size entree of riblets in sauce which are indistinguishable from McRibs, to my tastebuds, at least.

My mother used to have just one a year until the time she had a gallbladder attack a week after eating one.

Then about a year later she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Not saying this was also related to the McRib consumption, just putting it out there.

The best part of the McRib is the sauce. Seriously. When I worked at McD’s, I never ate those hideous parts-n-sawdust Frankenporks. I just took sauce on break with me to dip my McNuggets and fries in.

The secret shame of having worked at McDonald’s is bad enough, but let me tell you my most horrid confession from that time in my life: take the “grilled” chicken patties, drop them in the deep fryer, so they get a good crispy crust, smother them in McRib sauce, slap a coupla pickles and a slice of cheese on a bun and stick that bad boy in there and your mouth will orgasm.

Ugh. Unclean. I must shower. Thanks.

Uh-oh. I was just picking up a Happy Meal for my daughter and noticed that the McD’s nearest my house is still selling them (McRibs, not Happy Meals. Well, Happy Meals too), presumably until they run out of supplies.

I don’t want one I don’t want one I don’t want one OH GOD I WANT ONE I don’t want one I don’t want one…