"ghey" = "gay"?

[Loopydude]

@SolGrundy

What is offensive, though, is the idea that if you keep the sentiment behind it (homosexuals are all annoying, flaming queens and perverts) but change the spelling for the sake of being “politically correct” and not offending the over-sensitive gay community, then everything’s copacetic.

I tend to agree with this sentiment, and mostly I’m just trying to strike a reasonable balance between what is said and what is meant. If I give my nephew the benefit of the doubt, I probably don’t have any cause asserting he is being homophobic, at least towards his “skeevey” neighbor. I might be concerned he’s being an elitist, but that’s a whole other can o’ worms I probably shouldn’t get into, cliquish behavior being just one of the many evils of teenhood unlikely to be overcome in my lifetime.

But do I give him the benefit of the doubt? That’s the tricky part. When I grew up, homophobic slurs were certainly tossed around by myself and my friends quite carelessly, and it’s probably not until I got into college that I really made much of an effort to clean up my language. I even remember, when I was a quite young, calling people “wicked queer” (or “wickid queah”, if you count pronounciation), and that didn’t mean “gay”. It meant stupid or lame in a really…well, extra-stupidly lame way. To be honest, I don’t even know what I must have meant exactly, looking back; it’s not like I had even much of a sense of what heterosexuality was all about, much less homosexuality.

But by the teen years, I was getting it all sorted out, as I assume my nephew is. Does he know better? Is he bullshitting me? Is everybody who says “ghey is not gay” bullshitting? Does the etymology really matter in the end? Tough call.

I guess the best I can do is, if I see him using that term again, just say I’d wish he would come up with a better adjective when he chats with me, and leave it at that. Heaven knows, if I give him a speech I’d A) Be something of a hypocrite, since I can’t claim I was any better at his age, and B) Probably annoy him and perhaps make matters worse, since teens can be so contrarian.

[WeRSauron]

Ah, but at least we cannot say our youth are not innovative. Yet, changing a word’s spelling doesn’t make much difference. After all, the pronunciation of both are the same, right? So, what’s the difference? They read the same.

Do what I did when I was clueless teen: “How as it gay? It’s a project: it doesn’t have a sexual orientation, it’s neither gay nor straight.” The two people rolled their eyes at me, but they never used “gay” in a pejorative sense around me ever again.

I usually think people ought not to be so sensitive, but this pejorative use of the word “gay” is unacceptable by my standards. Maybe I’m biased. Besides, with a language rich with insults (nincompoop, incompetant fool, good for nothing, pretentious wig-powderer, idiotic simpleton), why use something that doesn’t even make sense in its context? Tell him he should expand his vocabulary: it’ll express exactly what he wants while impressing the socks off of anyone he’s communicating with.

WRS

[matt_mcl]

@WeRSauron

Do what I did when I was clueless teen: “How as it gay? It’s a project: it doesn’t have a sexual orientation, it’s neither gay nor straight.” The two people rolled their eyes at me, but they never used “gay” in a pejorative sense around me ever again.

Or as I did in cégep, when a girl was posing us in a tableau for drama class (for pity’s sake): “Okay, now get up on this stool and arch over like this. I know this looks kinda gay…”

To which I said, “Oh, well then maybe I’d better do it.”

[roger_thornhill]

I’m having trouble seeing how ‘gay’ and ‘ghey’ can be differentiated in speech. You said you were having a discussion with your nephew.

[iampunha]

@roger thornhill

I’m having trouble seeing how ‘gay’ and ‘ghey’ can be differentiated in speech. You said you were having a discussion with your nephew.

IRC is a text-based medium:

A couple of times now, we’ve chatted with IRC, which is kind of fun.

I’d be interested in results of further discussion with the OP’s nephew on the specific differences between gay and ghey. He might just BS, but he might also not be aware of the specific insulting nature of saying that there is something wrong with being gay.

[roger_thornhill]

@iampunha

IRC is a text-based medium.

Thanks, Iampunha. For others who may not know, IRC is Internet Relay Chat.

[calm_kiwi]

I hope you all have sympathy for me. My mothers name is Gay. It made “Hi I’m Kelly and this Gay” difficult when I was teenager and then I got over it.

Teenagers use stupid names for almost anyone. When I was a kid there was a movie on TV about an autistic kid who spun plates as part of his condition. Plate Spinner bacame a huge insult when I was at school. Looking back this makes me cringe.

It is the job of adults and more intelligent teenagers to point out when terms that will hurt others are used. It is very easy to get caught up in using the term of the day. I would imagine many using ghey are not anti-gay, just teenagers thinking they are clever. We were all there once.

[Loopydude]

@iampunha

I’d be interested in results of further discussion with the OP’s nephew on the specific differences between gay and ghey. He might just BS, but he might also not be aware of the specific insulting nature of saying that there is something wrong with being gay.

Yeah, I’d be interested, too, but I’m kind of afraid to bring it up again (we don’t IRC that often anyway). If he uses “ghey” again, I might attempt calling him on it, but these things require care. It’s not that I want to use kid gloves, I just know that being too obviously confrontational with a teen is about the best way to get them to do what you don’t want. You gotta outwit 'em.

[pyrrthon1]

When I was a kid my grandparents used to say “cotton pickin’” this or that. I didn’t even think about where it came from until I was almost adult.

[matt_mcl]

Holy spork. I never even thought about that. :eek: :smack:

I guess it’s back to razafrazin’…

[Guinastasia]

@pyrrthon1

When I was a kid my grandparents used to say “cotton pickin’” this or that. I didn’t even think about where it came from until I was almost adult.

H’uh. That never even occurred to me.

[descamisado]

@Loopydude

The offending kid has a skeevey haircut and uses hair gel. He’s really “ghey”.

If your nephew won’t play with him, send him over to the Gotti’s house (cf. Growing Up Gotti). Apparently, those kids love hair gel – and skeevy haircuts. They throw tantrums if they run out of gel. With the haircut, he’ll fit right in.

[Bruce_Daddy]

@pyrrthon1

When I was a kid my grandparents used to say “cotton pickin’” this or that. I didn’t even think about where it came from until I was almost adult.

Woah…

[Polycarp]

@matt_mcl

Holy spork. I never even thought about that. :eek: :smack:

I guess it’s back to razafrazin’…

Not a recommended term if you’re talking with a Jamaican, mon!

(Wasn’t that kind of a WASPish remark, anyway? :D)

[panache45]

A sometimes-coworker of mine is in her late 40s but still thinks she’s a teenager in many ways, and has very much of a hipper-than-thou attitude. A couple years ago, she started using the word “ghey.” She already knew that I’m gay, and was oh-so-surprised that I’m so unhip as to be offended. So I guess in her opinion, I’m both “gay” and “ghey.”

From what I hear, she still uses the word, but not in my presence.

[Krisfer_the_Cat]

Well I use gay with my roommate a lot… but umm since he IS gay, he laughs.

Other than that I would not allowed ghey used in my presence either. Am I so old that I can’t understand what the hell a skeevy haircut is? I mean sheesh I had a mohawk at one time!

[bughunter]

Ok, let me get this straight…

“Ghey” has nothing to do with homosexuality.

“Biotch” has nothing to do with misogyny.

“Nigga” has nothing do do with racism or bigotry, and…

“Suckage” has nothing to do with fellatio, whether or not specifically performed upon a hypothetical instance of Equus asinus.

:dubious:

Riiiiight.

Either a Brahma just came in and crapped on my desk, or this is complete rubbish, because my bullshit detector is off the scale.

[SolGrundy]

So I don’t want to hijack the thread too much, but I’ve got a question/poll and it doesn’t seem to warrant its own thread:

As I said, my problem with “ghey” is when somebody tries to say that it doesn’t have anything to do with homophobia. But I still do use the word “gay” as a “mild” pejorative. For example, when somebody says or does something that’s overly ostentatious or cheesy and maudlin, I’ll say, “That is so gay.” I know it can be at least somewhat offensive, since I’m using it in a derogatory sense. But I use it like I would use “nerd” or “geek” or “moron.” Dismissive, but not intended to be a true offense.

Am I offending people more than I intend? Do people consider using “gay” as derogatory genuinely offensive? Would you be deeply offended by this? I’m asking both homosexuals and heterosexuals.

[WeRSauron]

I am known to describe things that fit a certain stereotype (gay, straight, drama-queen-y, white, brown (that is, South Asian), evangelical, Jewish, Muslim, butch, femme, airhead-y) as such. My sister gasps now and again. My friends roll their eyes - they think I’m being a drama queen. Heh. There I go again.

Considering I identify with all the above labels to some degree, I think I can get away with it. And since I know my friends that they would never mean using such words in an offensive way, so can they (with me, at least).

It’s like how people of obvious African origins (I say “obvious African” because technically Egyptians, Lybians, Moroccans, etc., are Africans but would not be classified as such) can use the infamous “n-word” (I am not recently of such origins - I am at some point as are all people as Africa is where humanity originated - so I dare not even think it), but other’s can’t.

If someone of the label - gay people for “gay”; South Asians for “brown,” “brownie,” “desi,” or “desi mundiya,” etc. - uses it, comrades should not be offended. That would be being oversensitive.

So, regarding the OP, the only way the guy could get away with “ghey” is if he came out the closet.

WRS - is an Oyster. Brownie points if anyone can figure what We mean by such a term. Oh, and the above statements are as reality exists, not how it should be.

[iampunha]

@SolGrundy

As I said, my problem with “ghey” is when somebody tries to say that it doesn’t have anything to do with homophobia. But I still do use the word “gay” as a “mild” pejorative. For example, when somebody says or does something that’s overly ostentatious or cheesy and maudlin, I’ll say, “That is so gay.” I know it can be at least somewhat offensive, since I’m using it in a derogatory sense. But I use it like I would use “nerd” or “geek” or “moron.” Dismissive, but not intended to be a true offense.

My main concern would be that people hear it and think it’s perfectly acceptable to use it in situations where you would not. I understand the sort of meaning you intend here, I just … eh, part of it is probably hearing the kids under ten years old where I volunteer calling each other faggots (one of them, a particularly young one whom I have since taught better, thought the word was faggie) and suchlike. I’m becoming more sensitive to it than I used to be, but at least I’ve been able to decrease those instances.