Giant, Foot-Sized Stucco-Eating Land Snails Invade Florida!

Understandable. It is kind of a strange title.

To explain the title for anyone who might be wondering: The protagonist (it’s hard to call him a “hero,” as he’s kind of a jerk) is a biologist named Professor Clavering. His greatest ambition is to discover a new species, so that its species name will be based on his (“Claveringi”). The genus doesn’t matter. He just wants to find a new species, and what the genus name will be is only a placeholder in his mind (hence, “Blank Claveringi”).

He hears rumors of giant snails living on a remote island, and goes to investigate. Hijinks ensue.

Better watch what you wear on your feet in Florida. If your feet feel wet, it could be slime from a snail or water from a sinkhole.

Apparently these are big enough that you could in fact wear one of them on your feet.

“Motherfucking snail! I’m gonna gut you like a fish and wear your husk as a shoe!” /Syfy hero

Moe Szyslak is a Syfy hero now? Works for me!

This isn’t the first time the Giant African Snail has invaded Florida, and it isn’t the first time we’ve talked about it on SDMB.

I know first hand how big they can get, and “the size of a shoe” is completely accurate. Luckily, their size and their slow movement (duhhh, “snail” !!) makes them relatively easy to exterminate. Unlike, say, pythons, monitor lizards, Gambian Pouched Rats, or any of the other exotics Florida has battled, still battles, or has accepted with resignation. I actually participated in some rather unusual and unexpected consequences of that earlier snail invasion, and mentioned them (briefly) here.

^ Did you use Morton salt on ‘em, or does plain ol’ rock salt suffice?

Wow, looks a lot like J. Edgar Hoover.

And then they wipe the raid.

Sorry, World of Warcraft joke. There are probably enough non-WoW players that I’ll probably have to explain it.

Would they be safe to eat after cooking?

Google images has photos of women with these snails on their FACE!!! And the women are smiling!

Uh, no thank you.

Surely there are one or two things in Florida worth saving, right?

<cough cough>

Well, there’s you and me. Although I’m not so sure about you. (Ba- da- bump)

That’s it! I call for a snail battle. We’ll start 10 feet apart, and eventually…

…go have a beer.

As Usual, John Oliver has the answer:

“…And if you’re totally convinced
that there should be just 50 states,
Well, then, let’s all kick out Florida
'Cause No One thinks their great…!”

What’s in stucco that’s so delicious?

Well, at least the snails will be a nice addition to all the herpes infected monkeys central Florida also has to deal with.

Calcium for their shell. (My first pet was Climby the snail.)

Sounds like they could save alot of money by offering a reward for dead ones like $10/each. Every 12 year old in florida will take up snail hunting.

Bounties can be counter - productive when applied to easily reproduced critters. It doesn’t take much of an offered reward to encourage enterprising individuals to distribute “breeding stock” across the landscape. Delay gratification by not turning this snail in, instead put it in some park or empty lot, or even the neighbor’s yard, then come back in 6 or 8 months and collect a bucket full of $10 bills.

Several of the non-native reptiles that now have established breeding populations in Florida were originally deliberately released by such enterprising folks. Choose a species that commands a good price in the pet trade and is only available as imported individuals. Buy a few breeders, let them go into some appropriate habitat in Florida, and later be able to collect salable specimens without paying an importer. Profit! At least that was the theory.

Yeah they are. I remember seeing this article about cooking them. If i lived in Florida, I’d definitely try eating giant escargot if I had enough butter and garlic.