I won’t be going back to Barbados for some time . . .
What they need to do is put a bunch of salt down (in a grid pattern to avoid killing too much vegetation). The carnage! Either that or coat the island in garlic butter.
Now see, if they were invading france, this would be an opportunity rather than a pestillence.
Mon dieu! Regardez! Ze snails, zey are 'UGE! Someone get me ze butter, chives, and a very, very large frying pan, toute-de-suite!
Oh, great. Not just giant killer snails, but perverted giant killer snails.
Eve always has the best thread titles.
I saw a movie about this once. Only it took place in California’s Salton Sea, and starred Humphrey Bogart’s partner from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. The giant snails would sneakm up behind you* and bite your head off. They blew them up with dynamite, except for one that they steamed. I always wondered if they ate that one.
- I assume the people stayed still for a long time. One of 'em was an elderly watchman at a canal, but another was an underwater diver. It shows commitment if you can stay still for a long time underwater, just so you can be eaten by a snail.
the Monster that Challenged the World, by the way. Someone planned a newrr giant snail epic, but it never got made, as far as I know. Moved too slow, no doubt.
Was one of my first thoughts, really… “are they edible?”
Hm? Oh, I live about 20 miles south of the Spanish-French border, why do you ask?
This thread is one of the most wonderfully funny things I’ve read here for some time.
As for me, if I found myself in dangerous Barbados where killer snails could appear at any moment, I’d just make sure I always had a margarita in my hand. With extra salt, of course. After all, if I suddenly saw a giant snail, I’d only have hours to react.
Of course there is the part about “their mucous can transmit meningitis and other diseases.” So only feed them to Frenchies you don’t like.
I wanna see the movie version. The cutaway shots in the chase scenes would be hair-raising.
I am sick of these mutherf*#%$ing snails on this mutherf*#%$ing island!
Now, that’s what I call a clusterf@ck! 
A snail the size of a human hand is just about the most terrifying thing I can think of, short of a snail larger than a human hand. I’m not even kidding about this. I fucking hate snails.
Wait a minute! Is not Barbados surounded by salt-water? Are there no Super-Soakers…?
I say blast the suckers 'til they rear up on their hind appendage and yell “ScreeeEEE!!!” like ‘Day of the Triffids’. (Dibbs on the Lighthouse)
Well it either that or use them in lieu of clay pidgeons on cruise ships.
(“Pull…!” bam squish )
Atleast they aren’t slugs. That would be much worse.
I once saw a slug with several smaller slugs riding piggyback. That was pretty digusting.
Spread a plausible-sounding rumor that these snails can be used to get a really powerful high… er, somehow. :eek: (I’ll leave the icky details to more perverted minds.) Kinda like a cross between the “smoking banana peels” urban legend and licking Bufo Marinus toads (which is valid enough, but very dangerous and disgusting).
And if a few of these drug users should get seriously ill in the attempt, and if that has the effect akin to aversive therapy to convince them to rethink their drug use, then so much the better!
Were the smaller ones going, “Wheeeee”?
<snerk>
Damn. I can’t google up that 'toon.
Hello, I’m David Walrond and I’d like a moment of you time. I’d like to talk about an emergency that’s threatening our island - a snail emergency. Now I know a lot of you are probably thinking, “gee, Dave, these are just snails, where’s the danger?” Well, I’m here to tell you these are not just snails - these are sexually deviant snails that have been observed engaging in group sex on a regular basis. These snails are a threat both to our botanical diversity and to our moral foundations. Some of you are undoubtedly asking yourself “Dave, isn’t this just like the time you claimed the chipmunks were planning to overthrow the government?” No, I have been taking my medication as prescribed and I assure you this is nothing like that. So I’d like to conclude by anticipating your final question and saying: yes, there will be free beer for anyone who volunteers.
psst
Hey.
PSSST!
You. Hey. C’mere.
Listen.
[flings trenchcoat open]
I got snail porn. Five dolla.
Is the beer for drinking or drowning the snails?