I’ve come into a can of snails. It’s a big can. Not family-sized-string-beans big but crushed-tomatoes big.
Suggestions?
How in the world does one come into a can of snails? Old family heirloom? Is this something people just have sitting around?
“Well, Herbert, we’re out of tomatos. We do have that can of snails!”
Do tell.
Oh.
Bait.
Happy fishing! 
Well, see, it was like this. I did some consulting for a rather eccentric fellow who goes by the name of Bernard L. Munkenbacher. Bernard, or Bernsie, as he prefers to be called, being an eccentric fellow paid me with the following items:
- a Starbucks gift card with exactly $7.83 credit,
- a CD with sounds of various bottles clinking together
- a lime green rabbit’s foot
- a small, velvet box, in which one normally finds a ring and
- a can of snails
I still need recipes, by the way, as there’s no way in hell I’m using them for bait.
I dunno, but I’d be cautious about eating something that Garfield won’t:
“Fruitcake. One of only three things that I won’t eat.”
(Odie whines an inquiry, obviously waiting for the other shoe to drop.)
“Raisons and snails.”
I think a can of snails would be perfect ammunition for a trebuchet. Fling that stuff just as far away from you as possible. Snails are not food!!!
But I’ve eaten snails before at French and Italian restaurants. I love them.
Make with the recipes already!
Is this of the “Can O’Snails” brand? If so, it’s pet food.
Lizard food, usually.
JT, if they’re good enough for lizards…
[aside]
Uh, forgive me if this has already been covered but I noticed you’re still a ‘Guest’ (you can’t get the fastball by JuanitaTech, nosireebob). As I’ve enjoyed your posts from time to time, this is of great concern to me. Will you not be joining? Is there anything I can do to change your mind if this is the case? I have a can of snails with which I’d be willing to part…
[/aside]
I’ll be joining. I just haven’t done so yet.
Snails? Easy.
Drain 'em, rinse 'em, and saute them in garlic and butter. Throw in a shallot or two if you feel inclined. Sprinkle with parsley.
For a nice presentation, buy some of the decorative shells and place them in those. Though I warn you they are a pain in the butt to wash.
You can also bake them - puree a stick of butter, as much garlic as you want, a shallot and a couple tablespoons of parsley in a blender or food processor. Take the shells and stuff 'em with half of this mixture, stuff one snail per shell in next, and then plug the opening with the rest of the butter. Bake for about 10 minutes at 400 degrees.
Now that there’s actually a recipe in the thread, I’ll chime in: what’s the appeal? I’ve twice had escargot, once as a wee lad at Epcot (I was a ballsy wee lad), and once, recently, at a pretentious local wine-tasting restaurant. They weren’t hideous either time, never reached oysterlike levels of gross, but nor were they really appealing.
Is it the texture that folks like? Or do people just feel guilty about eating garlic bread, and eat the garlic butter on cephalopods instead? Or is there actually some flavor to well-made escargot beyond butter and garlic?
Daniel
C’mon, JuanitaTech, you have kids. You are required by law to keep one as a pet. You can name him, oh, I don’t know… Gary, perhaps?
Saute the snails in butter, garlic, chopped leek, mashed artichoke heart with a piece of rock. After 2 minutes discard the snails and eat the piece of rock.
Thanks, romansperson! I’ll give the recipe a whirl this weekend.
JT, glad to hear it.
Casey, I think the snail would start to smell after a while. And not in a good way.
Sinister Hand of Dorkness, I dunno. I just like 'em.
don’t ask, I will not entertain your recipe as you failed to specify what kind of rock I should use.
Oh, I thought the snails were alive. When you said “can of snails”, I pictured a crushed tomato sized can, with a little bit of dirt on the bottom, and maybe a dozen or so snails crawling around in the can. I never considered “canned snails”
Ugh, now I really wish I didn’t drink all that milk on lunch…
I thought people like this only existed in Britcoms! Wow!
This recipe (from this website: http://escargot.free.fr/eng/cooking.htm) sounds interesting. I wonder what they’d be like grilled?
Brochettes (skewers) of Escargots
A second recipe from Jean-Paul Boucher : another refined thing to serve as an aperitif.
Small wooden pikes
Parsley, garlic, shallots (scallions) and breadcrumbs.
Salt and pepper.
Oil.
Chop the garlic, the parsley and the shallots and mix with the breadcrumbs.
Drain the escargot without drying them and put them on the pikes.
Roll the skewers in the mixture above.
Fry the breaded escargot in oil.
(1/2 litre of oil in casserole, heat moderately : oil should not smoke).
Fry until each one is golden.
Serve hot!
This is regal.
That’s not fair, I obviously mean your favourite rock. How do I know if you refer igneous or sedimentary?
Perhaps I could interest some of you folks in quality control testing for my new business. I am going to turn strips of used tires (Goodyear I imagine) into faux snails, they will have a similar texture but will be slightly tastier.
You probably think this because Bernsie was the basis for the main character on the Britcom–you’ve probably already guessed it by now–Alright, Then, Love.