Australian wildlife worker pulls 7-foot python out of septic tank. The scariest part is that, when he arrived, he saw the snake sticking its head out of the toilet.
In America, you snake toilet! In Australia, toilet snakes you!
Ah yeah…nothing like a heapin’ helping of good, old-fashioned nightmare fuel.
Poor thing. It was just trying to get out of the septic tank!
The question is, though, do snakes come out of toilets counterclockwise in the northern hemisphere and counterclockwise in the southern?
Actually, toilets in Australia flush pretty much straight down, as I learned when I went there last year. It’s probably good that I was so interested in seeing what the toilets there do, because that means I couldn’t get surprised by a giant toilet snake. Or a funnel-web spider, which are reputed to sometimes lurk on toilets, for that matter.
Evidently it lived pretty well catching frogs in the septic tank, though- it was too big to come out through the toilet.
No, that’s red-back spiders. Funnel webs crawl into your shoes if you leave them outside and then bite you on the toe when you put the shoes on. A lesson learnt by all children in the northern suburbs of Sydney where I grew up - check shoes first if they’ve been left outside.
And the only things that lurk in toilets up north (I grew up in Darwin) are the green tree frogs, who hide under the rims, then jump on your bum when you sit down! Scary, but not life threatening. Come to think of it, carpet pythons aren’t exactly dangerous themselves. The resulting heart attack may be.
They are planning a movie based on this story, with Samuel L. Jackson
Snakes In A Drain
Si
Nightmare fuel, hell! That’s neurosis fodder! Then again, if I saw a giant snake head sticking out of the toilet, I wouldn’t need the toilet anymore.
Maybe we should all sacrifice toads to the toilet to keep our new Giant Snake Overlords happy in the septic underworld.
Australians have quite a few cane toads that they could presumably use for this purpose. We North Americans would have to go to southern Florida or southern Mexico to get sacrificial cane toads, so maybe we could use some other kind of toad instead.
All hail the Giant Snake Overlords!
I just don’t think Giant Snake Overlords are gonna care where we get the sacrificial toads as long as they are big and tasty.
AND served on time.
But you know, this could escalate badly if we have to start flushing bigger and bigger sacrifices. Suddenly we’ll have to clone bigger and bigger frogs or giant rats and bunnies.
Then you know who profits? The plumbing industry when we all need larger porcelain thrones, that’s who!
And who’s to say that small children aren’t on the Giant Snake Overlord Agenda.
Crikey! We need Steve Irwin now more than ever.
The technical name ‘Bufo’ for some frogs always cracks me up. I imagine the frogs watching a newcomer hop in and saying, “Yo! Bufo! Yo mofo?”
But they might not be fresh if they were brought in from too far away. And I don’t think I want to know what a toilet snake might do if you gave it a sacrificial toad that was not to its liking.
Bufo marinus sounds like they ought to live in Marin County, but they don’t. If they did, people there would probably lick them to see if they could get high. (Jealous? Moi? Just because there’s no way I’ll ever be able to afford a house there…)
Say… just realized that flushing potentially hallucinogenic toads to giant toilet snakes might not be such a good idea… Unless the giant toilet snake were in a toilet that belonged to someone you didn’t like, of course.
That’s it! I’m digging me a ce-ment outhouse…
[Pedantry] A concrete one might work better [/Pedantry], or you could always go with a brick shithouse…
You know, of course, that this has dredged up a long suppressed memory of a snake coming out of the drain in the tub from when I was 4 and I’ve been spooked all day!
The North Shore is nightmare territory for funnel webs. I saw more when i lived for one year in Willoughby than i saw in 15 years growing up at the foot of the Blue Mountains.
Once, my mate got a frantic call at work from his wife. Their two year old daughter was standing at their back door, and watched a funnel web walk into the house between her feet. He had to rush home, flush it out from behind the stove, and dispatch it.