Seconding and amplifying the upthread advice to give mom a heads up in advance. People don’t always react perfectly when surprised and as something that took you aback, it probably will do the same for her. The important thing here is to not squelch the kid’s generous impulses, not that mom’s genuinely surprised by her gift, you know?
I don’t even think you need to bother with trying to preserve the secret: one night after you’re in bed, just lay it out. “Hon, junior bought us a book of quick-fix recipes at the book fair. I didn’t know they’d actually let them spend money without an adult present, but they did, and he found this thing, and I think it’s the sweetest thing that he wanted to invest in us and our comfort and convenience as a family. I’m warning you ahead of time because he dropped early $20 on it, which is frankly ridiculous, but that doesn’t make it any less sweet or potentially useful.”
Then maybe later you can have a conversation with his teacher or the school admin about guidelines for separating gullible kids from their allowances when there’s not a parent or teacher there to moderate impulse buys.
I love that this 9 yo kid is so in tune with his family that he was able save up his allowance and buy a present for his mother that he though would really help. I would do everything possible to make sure the gift was received with much enthusiasm.
I especially love the idea that he can help prepare and even cook some of the meals himself. By 9 yrs old, my son a great help to me in the kitchen and well on the way to making some meals by himself.
Right? Nine is a great age to be alive; the sullenness of puberty hasn’t reared its ugly head and magic still seems real but you can still feel smart if you figure out how a trick is done.
It is, for the most part, nice to be around a 9 year old.
Redirect the wife, by all means. He saw a need and thought this would help. I doubt he knew of the other similar cookbooks, and he really thought this would help everyone. Tell him from me he’s a sweet kid :).
I asked only because while I know my wife will accept the gift graciously, she might feel bad he spent so much of his money on it. If I was the recipient I would think it was very sweet but feel a little guilty.
Speaking of the value of money, you can take an opposite view: he does not need to spend that kind of money on us, and I would never encourage it. Both my wife and I have been helping the kids make craft gifts for each other, so when he came home with a $17 book I was surprised, especially since we’d been working with the kids to select gifts and use some of their allowance to purchase gifts for kids of the same age that we picked from the Salvation Army angel tree.
I don’t know why you would be personally offended that I sought advice on this.
Did I miss the part where the price is indelibly marked on the cookbook? I would never dream of asking how much a gift actually cost. And it’s certainly inappropriate to tell someone how much you paid for a gift. “It’s the thought that counts.”
Part of the value of money is that you can use it to get things you want, such as a gift for someone that you think they’ll really appreciate. There’s an intangible value there that can not be purchased with a million dollars.
There’s plenty of time in the future to help the boy learn to use money wisely. I suggest that now and this situation is NOT the place to start.
After your wife opens the book, ask to see it, look at a recipe and say “Boy, we really have to try this!” Make it a favorite recipe, and tell your son the first few times you make it “I’m so glad you bought that cookbook.”
This is a perfect case of “it’s the thought that counts”. He saved up an awful lot of his money to buy something for someone else that he has good, logical reason to believe that they’ll appreciate. This is all a very good thing. He also happens, through no fault of his own, to be wrong, but that doesn’t change the fact that what he did was good, and should be commended.
I did offer him half. The book fair rates are all retail and the price is on the ISBN sticker. I’ve taken a lot of good ideas from this thread - thank you. I am very proud of him, just felt a little conflicted because I would have felt a little guilty that he spent so much if I had been the recipient. And I would have been quite touched as well.
He saw a need in the family and tried to help. Thank him profusely and ask him to help you make a recipe out of the book.
Moms always think kids spend too much money on their gifts. My kids are in their twenties and I still think that. The best thing to do is smile, say thank you, and let it go.
For me, part of the value of giving kids allowance is that they have the opportunity to figure out how much money is a lot of money for them. If he later regrets having spent so much on the cookbook, that’s fine, too: that’s how you figure out how to spend money, but doing it and then reflecting on the experience.
But chances are good that he’s not going to regret this. He can easily get a lot of warm fuzzies out of giving a meaningful gift.
Don’t just “let it go.” As other folk mentioned, celebrate this kid’s attentativeness and eagerness to contribute to the family, to improve a situation. Sure, he didn’t need to spend $17 on mom, but, OTOH, at 9 I suggest he didn’t really need to spend/save that $17 on anything else. I’d definitely get more than $17 worth of “I love how this family pitches together” observations out of this.
Kids giving parents gifts is always a bit of a toughie. I never wanted my kids to spend money on me. Heck - most of their money came from us anyway. When they were kids, my preference was simply that they drew me a card. Now that they are adults, I still don’t need anything from them. Would prefer that they spend some time with us. Every once in a while, they’ll buy me a golf cap or travel mug from their employer or something - which I use. But I have plenty of stuff, that I don’t need them to buy me anything. And they could use the $ more than I.
OTOH, I really only needed so much “craft” stuff. Pissed off my 25 yr old youngest the other day by observing - at a large family gathering - that the average kid lacking clear artistic talent creates maybe 5 craft objects that aren’t garbage! Hell, I’ve got 2 of her grade school things on my desk here at work - a clay thing holding paper clips and another holding my staple remover. How many more does she think I need?!
Yep, I’m in agreement with most here that he should be highly praised for being generous, for paying attention to the family’s needs and for putting thought into the present.
There is a time to teach him frugality and to help him tailor his choices. You can work on that next year… and, let’s be honest, it’s something most of us spend our whole lives trying to master. You’ll have plenty of chances for Mother’s Day, birthdays, etc. that will not risk tarnishing his excitement over this cookbook.
(Unless it’s a Rachel Ray 30-minute meals cookbook. In which case, spank him soundly and return it. Even 9-year-olds should know better than Rachel Ray. )
And of course, if you’re now dealing with the hassle and pain of having two full-time workers in the family, you shouldn’t feel bad about using some of that extra income to make the family feel better.
Hell, I’ve got 2 of her grade school things on my desk here at work - a clay thing holding paper clips and another holding my staple remover. How many more does she think I need?!
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