I’d really like to get my therapist a gift for Christmas, in part as sort of a “thank you” for his having helped me so much and in part because I think the gift* is really appropriate and would be appreciated.
But I can’t help but think this might be a bad idea. He’s not my friend, and I know that. He’s my doctor. He’s my employee, if you come right down to it.
But he’s gone above and beyond the call of duty for me on several occasions (reading and responding to e-mails I’ve sent him, reading my novel on his own time, fitting me in for unscheduled appointments when I had an urgent need to see him), and … well, without his help these past 8 or 9 months, I’d probably be a science experiment by now.
So, help me out here, Teeming Millions: how bad an idea is this?
I’m thinking of a nice hardcover edition of Robert B. Parker’s Wilderness. Probably not a first edition, but the nicest copy I can afford.
Therapists are professionals, and while they do help you come to terms and to grips with yourself, they’re just doing their job. Attachment to a therapist is riskier because while they do get inside your head and see all that’s there, it’s not a two-way exchange, you know? I realize you’re specifically talking about a gift and not really about emotional bonds, but ultimately, gifts have bonds attached, like it or not.
Perhaps I’m being a bit strict here, but I feel the patient/therapist relationship is best served by keeping it strictly impersonal. You’ve got your in-office personas—his to get inside your head, and yours to guide him around in there—and your out-of-office personas, which are two, unconnected lives. Ideally, your therapist should know a lot about yours and you should know virtually nothing about his.
It’s great that he’s gone above and beyond, sacrificing his own time and all, and that’s exceptional of him. I don’t know enough about what his reading your novel might be about; could that serve for professional insight? It might help if I knew more about the situation.
When you’re done with therapy (or at least ready to move on to another therapist) then a token of appreciation is fine, like maybe a card—or better still, a write-up of what his work has done for you. Getting back to my strictly impersonal approach, I don’t think you should know a therapist well enough to be able to decide on an appropriate gift.
I don’t see a problem with a small token of appreciation at the holidays. It’s not like you are giving him a tip or something. Buy him a new magazine subscription for his waiting room or something.