I wouldn’t notice the shave job - the shirt would blind me.
I would grow a beard, as unfortunately I have to shave pretty much every day, but alas, not enough grows quickly enough. I’ve tried waiting a few days, and all that happens is that I look scuzzy. Maybe in a couple of years…
Yes, as has been stated, the fake ad was for a three-bladed razor.
Another correction is due. The closing line is actually “because you’ll believe anything”.
From Wikipedia:
Triple Track razor - the closing line, delivered long before any such product actually existed, was “because you’ll believe anything”
Clearly some people fail to properly appreciate the technological watershed represented by the advent of the Fusion razor. Only three decades ago, the pioneering razor scientists at the Gillette Company were the first to achieve the elusive goal of fusing two ordinary razors into a single Trac II, mimicking the natural process by which razors are generated within the Sun itself. Today, the Trac-Mach cycle allows us to collide two multiple-blade razors at high velocity, producing both a five-bladed razor and a high-energy single-blade razor with a pivoting head. Some critics insist that the current high cost of the process makes Fusion razors unrealistically expensive. However, this overlooks the ongoing advances that Gillette has made in containment and lubricating strip technologies. Once the final technical challenges have been addressed, multiple-blade razors generated by such a sustained reaction will actually be cheaper than the razors used to fuel the process.
Thanks, astro, but we bought one, unopened, off eBay this morning for $7, including shipping. Not that I really care, but the kind I had, with the all-metal handle was at $37 with 6 bids or something like that! Some people ireally wanted this thing!
It would appear, DooWahDidddy, that you have underestimated the power of your arch enemies, the** Meisters**, who, as it seems have my back. I trust that in the future you will think twice before challenging me so publically.
I have no idea why, but this is the funniest thing I’ve read all day.
La De Fucking Dah would be an awesome user name.
I seem to recall a commercial parody on MadTV back when the Mach 3 came out for a razor with something like 30 blades. It took you through a detailed analysis of what each blade did, like the Mach 3 commercials of the time, except when it got to blade 15 or so it said something like “This blade completely removes the hair follicle, eliminating any possibility of hair growing ever again.” It ended with a shot of a guy with face swathed in bloody bandages. It was pretty great.
P.S. Sugar Frosted Anabolic Steroids are way better than Little Chocolate Donuts.
Wait, wait! Suppose we take something like 100 blades and put them ON an electric sander, so the sander makes the blades vibrate back and forth. That would give us a smooth shave without the irritating tugs and nicks!
An electric razor! What a concept!
Contrapuntal
Glad to have helped you out. 
Seems I had to correct another “meister” regarding that closing line.
Now that this multi-track razor commercial parody issue has been clarified, can World Peace be that far away? 
I was always extremely cynical about the arms race in razor blades. Back when i started shaving, two blades was the most you could get, and i looked upon the shift to three and then four blades as nothing more than marketing wank. I resolved never to cave in to the ridiculous advertising campaigns, with their stupid graphics showing how much closer your shave would be, and their beautiful blonde women running their fingers over the angular jawbones of smooth-shaven guys.
And i never did give in to those ads. I had my trusty old two-blade razor for years.
But i did give in to marketing.
About six months ago, i bought myself a pack of my regular twin blade cartridges. When i got home, i discovered that the package contained two samples of the newer, three-blade catridge. Of course, i gave them a try.
And the difference was quite amazing. The three-blade cartridges actually did do a much better job of shaving, requiring fewer strokes, giving me fewer nicks, and leaving my skin feeling less irritated. Since then i’ve been a convert. I told my wife to try the new cartridges, and she found them so much better than her old two-blade razor that she made the switch also. We now actually share the same razor.
I’m sort of dismayed by all this, particularly the fact that i succumbed to their marketing strategy of placing samples of the newer blades inthe package. And now, in this thread, i sound like an advertisement. But the fact is, the new blades work much better for me.
That’s all well and good, but is your wife (and/or randomly encountered beautiful blonde women) now irresistibly compelled to run her fingers along your jawbone?
Technically, it’s six blades – the 6th being at the back. And you can get it in a battery-operated version that vibrates. Vibrates! It’s the ben fucking wa of razors.
Honestly. Is there any useful evidence that indicates that a rasor with a little rotating vibro-solenoid in it does anything but give you the urge to sneeze? Does it make any difference whatsoever in the quality of shave you get? It’s not like an electric carving knife here where the blades slide back and forth and saw your stubble off. It just … jiggles a bit.
Honestly though my problem isn’t so much with the number of blades; I’m sure 5 blades do give a bit of an easier shave, possibly even with fewer cuts and scrapes. Maybe. I’m willing to buy the possibility. No, my problem isn’t with the gimmick. It’s with the fact that the cost of buying those damn things over the course of a couple of months would have bought you a self-cleaning electric that works almost as well, with change left over for a few packs of cheap disposables for those finishing touches. Mach 3 blades are now up near $10 (CAD) for a pack of 4. That’s $2.50 per fucking blade! And Fusion blades? Count on near $15. For 4. That’s damn near $4 per blade.
Y’know what, Gilette? Suck it raw.
This is a very scary case of life imitating The Onion. Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades was only mediocre satire of Gillette until it turned out to be true. I bet they weren’t thrilled with that article while things were still hush-hush. I swear I read that the the cost ONE BILLION dollars to develop and they did something like 20,000 test shaves in studies. I guess that is what you have to do when your core business is making blades on stick just like people have since time began. The room for improvement becomes a little small.
I never got the whole “close shave” thing anyway. I have to shave everyday anyway. Even if they built a razor of nanobots that went subterranean on my face and bored the hairs down, they would still be back in a few hours and I would have to shave the next day. A few angstroms here or there doesn’t concern me.
That’s the difference. When you shave your head, almost doesn’t cut it. (My bad.) The Fusion may be hideously expensive, but it also gives the closest shave I’ve ever had. I think it’s worth it. YMMV, obviously.
You’ll get my Fusion when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Well, not really… but it’s the best mass-market razor I’ve used.
Dude! You don’t even know!
Just a minute, I’ver had a fantastic idea.
How would it be if three more blades were fixed to the handle (folded flat of course)
Blade #1 would be a little diddy farting thing that you shoved in your ears and got rid of those unsightly masses of ear hairs that some old geezers have. This particular blade would have a gentle rotating action in order to reach the inner depths of ones lug holes without slashing furiously at the skin inside your ears.
Blade #2 is even more ingenious.
This has a couple of mini blades attached to a probe, one either side. The idea is that you bung this item up your conk and move it ever so tenderly up and down and get rid of nasal hairs. An added benefit to this blade would be that you could, in an emergency, utilise it to remove any dingleberries which as we all know can be a source of irritation (and embarrassement in certain…erm situations.)
I’m on the phone to Gillette in a minute
Anyway this is the 21st Century, we have been to the moon,achieved atomic fusion and fission, we have satellites by the dozen orbiting the earth.
So why hasn’t some brainiac invented a gel/cream or whatever that with one simple application will eliminate the need for shaving for many months.
On the other hand maybe he has and Gillette have had him bumped off and the poor sod is propping up some overpass somewhere.