There’s an ad that really depicts how much of a sucker society we are. A couple of decades ago, we would’ve said “HELL NO” to some company advertising a 5 blade razor. And no company would have been dumb enough to make one. Now I see an ad for the Gillette Fusion . How does this happen? Here’s how:
Well, first some company comes up with a two blade razor. And then Gillette’s expert marketer designs the 3-blade Mach 3 and grabs the market share. And we’re all shaving at 3 times the speed of sound! $5 a pop, but my face is baby smooth. Gillette then starts the manufacturing plans for the 4-blader. But some other company beats them to the punch. So the Gillette CEO calls the Manufacturing VP and says: “Stick another blade on there, Jack!” And now we have the Fusion. Did you see the link?
So mark words. There will be a 6 or 7 blade razor one day. And we’ll be shaving with it. It’s kind of like the Genetic Engineering episode of South Park. At the end, a kid comes to school with his latest genetic invention: The 5-assed Monkey. His father had invented the 4-assed mongoose and 4-assed ostrich.
I have been using 3 blade razors for years but recently I noticed I was not getting the same smooth shave and mentioned to a friend that I may try new blades. He is in marketting and just laughed and said that multiblade razors are the biggest con on earth. He maintained that the blades are so tightly compacted that they clog up mor quickly and are less efficient. He explained that the trick is that when you first use one you compare your now smooth face to your recently bewhiskered face and go, “wow that is really smooth.” He maintained that if you compared it to the shave you got from a twin blade BIC disposable you would be far less impressed.
He challenged me to try it out and gave me $2 to buy some disposables. I got a bag of 10 on special for about $2 and it turned out he was right. They shave me perfectly adequately in most places and the few places they don’t are the same as the multiblades. The only difference is you get a few more shaves per shavehead with the expensive multiblades at about 25 times the cost.
I agree that multiple-bladed razors are mostly marketing hype, but here is my experience:
My old Gillette 2-blade pivoting razor served me well for years, from the time I was 14 years old. Eventually, I gave in 2 years ago and tried the 3-blade Gillette with the vibrating motor. I did notice a slightly smoother “finish” than previously obtained with my 2-blade razor, but not significant. My main reason for switching was that the older blades were becoming harder to find. I recently received, free in the mail, the Gillette Fusion. I tried it - but it does not shave me any closer than my 3-blade razor, and seems to wear out more quickly.
For what it’s worth, I’ve found that I do get a closer shave with the motor active on my 3-blade razor, than without, but for that to work, I have to pull the blade across my face more slowly (yes, I’ve tried shaving without the motor slowly - still smoother with the motor than without). I think, at most normal shaving speeds (quick, short strokes), the motor doesn’t make a lot of difference, but if I want a very close shave that will last all day, I use the motor and shave more slowly.
Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades
The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That’s three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades.
Too bad the Fusion really does give a closer, more comfortable shave. I shave my head every day, so I know smooth and close. The Fusion beats them all, hands down.
It’s an easy joke line, but in fact the Fusion is a superior shave, and if it was just a ‘gimmick’ Gilette wouldn’t spend hundreds of millions of dollars on R&D.
And they don’t clog more than 2-bladed razors. They clog far less because they have an open bladed design. They’re much easier to unclog as well, because you can run water right through the head and across the blades.
And the vibrating handle is awesome. I don’t kow whether the vibration causes your whiskers to stand up, or if it causes the blades to act like saws instead of scrapers, or what - but it works.
I have extremely sensitive skin. A Trac-II shave leaves my skin raw and sore, and hurts for a couple of days. I always had razor burn back in the day. Once I got my M3 power with the vibrating handle, shaving got a lot more comfortable.
Judging by history, wouldn’t the trend turn around pretty soon and the straight razor will be the razor of choice? That’ll be fun, especially when people forget to take their nerve medication (or whatever everyone’s addicted to these days) the night before and are all jittery with the hands. Ooh, I can’t wait.
November 2012 : We’re offered the 50 blade rotating Electric Sander with built in mini flame thrower for those ‘awkward’ spots.
This marvel of science also includes three additional features…
The ear probe. This not only rips out unsightly ear hairs but also digs out those troublesome bits of earwax.
The nose probe. Again as well as tugging gently at nasal foliage this device searches into hidden crevices for boogers, it then rolls them into neat little balls and flicks them into a special compartment situated in the handle. These can later be retrieved for examination and research.
The pubic hair pattern designer. By simply selecting any of the 4 settings this little gem will not only trim your pubes but will also shape them into any of the four card suits.
A spokesman for Gillette confirmed that they currently looking into the latest must have accessory, The underarm hair plaiter.
Your friend is full of shit. I have had to use BIC when my luggage got misrouted on a business trip. Left my face feeling like I used a chain saw, about the same amount of blood also.
The Fusion blade is an open back design, so they don’t clog. Much better than a TRAC 2 which had a closed back and did clog.
In the Blue Man Group stage show, there’s a bit where they come out with TV sets instead of heads and their faces on the screens are periodically replaced by parody adverts that the others react to. One of the adverts was for a 7 blade razor; I can’t remember all of the claims, but each blade had a separate function; I think the fifth one sends ultrasonic sounds down to the hair follicle, mocking it and taunting it to come out and fight.