The Razor Wars, because you'll believe anything...

Okay here’s a fictional article from The Onion from last year…

And here’s a real article from today…

Oh now, come on. It’s not April 1st.

I refuse to put anything with 5 blades (plus one on the back!) anywhere near my face. A twin blade razor was good enough for my dad and it’s good enough for me.

Oh, that is priceless

Anyone else remembering the old Mad magazine razor competition, featuring sich breakthroughs as the Laser Razor?

[sub]I have to go and have a shave now…[/sub]

Where’s the second, lathering aloe strip?

I don’t want the razor wars to stop until we have something that requires a 220VAC power source.

Not that I would use it - I shave with a clipper. I call my styling “PermaShadow”.

That reminds me of the old Saturday Night Live or MadTV skit that went something like that.
“One blade to cut the top layer of hair. One to pick up the rest of the hair. One for…we don’t even know why.”

I remember that.

There was also an SNL skit from the early years about a 3 blade razor.

220, that’s nothing, mine’s three phase, and I go climb the pole and hook it to the primary side of the transformer.

Bah, all of you. Mine is a straight-edged tactical knife. Power of understatement.

I will buy this the first day I see it, probably. The power version. Because I’m a loser like that. (Or because I love my M3Power. I don’t think that more blades=better, I just think that the mach 3 blades are more comfortable in general.)

Psh. Mine requires its own standby generator set.

Oh, I remember that! With the flamethrower razor, with cooling freon spray afterwards, and the nuclear razor, and… Err, anyway. It was funny.

As for my own razing needs, I ended up with the handle to my ex’s Venus women’s razor, so I just buy blades for that. Works fine. And if I ever need to shave my legs I guess I’ll be all set.

If this goes on, in another ten years it will be difficult to distinguish between a men’s razor cartridge and a cheese grater.

The razor of the future will have upwards of seven thousand blades and will be too heavy to lift; with the device securely bolted to a customised concrete foundation, the user will shave by moving his lathered face back and forth across the sea of tiny glinting blades. The advertising slogan?:
“A shave so close, you can see the white gleam of exposed jawbone and the fresh splash of bright, arterial blood”

I hereby award The Onion three Cool Points for predicting this, and the Gillette corporation twelve Cool Points if they were inspired by the Onion article.

Sweet zombie Jesus, you can’t just buy a f***ing razor anymore, nowadays it’s a “razor system”.

You know, I just went back to twin-blade from triple-blade ladies disposable razors. Why? Because I kept knicking the shite outta my legs! More is not always better.

I’ve just completed installation of my Schick[sup]TM[/sup] Wall.

Just wait until the Gilette Wall Power comes out… vibrating wall of blades!

Anybody remeber way back in the 70’s SNL had a fake commercial advertising the new 3 bladed razor? They even mocked up a pretty good animation.