Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia?
A: He laid awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.
Q: What’s Irish and comes out in the Spring?
A: Patio Furniture.
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he sips it he hears a tiny voice say “That’s a nice tie your wearing.”
No one else is around so he shrugs it off as imagination. A few minutes later the same voice says, “That haircut really suits you.” Freaked now, he calls over the bartender and tells him what he’s heard. “Oh,’ says the bartender, 'that’s just the peanuts, they’re complimentary.”
The Little Rascals are in school and the teacher is giving an English lesson.
"Spanky, can you spell the word “Dictate”?
“Yes ma’am. D I C T A T E. Dictate.”
"That’s wonderful. Now, Buckwheat, can you use the word “Dictate” in a sentence?’
“Yeth ma’am. Hey Darla, how may dictate last night?”