Gimme The Mike-Minnesota. My guiltiest pleasure.

Cafe Society
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I have no idea if other localities have this type of program, but this show is at the cul-de-sac of bad. So bad it’s good.

This is the local version of American Idol and as such, its contest pool is much smaller. AI has the commercial tie-ins with Coca-Cola, well, Gimme The Mike (GTM) has Pizza Hut, a Car Dealership, and Brookdale Mall.

Brookdale Mall is a crappy little mall that was run down for the longest time. They’ve put some money into it, but it’s still one of the last choices for malls in the area. All of the events of the show are of course tied-in to the mall. The clothes for the singers is provided by the mall, the hair is done by the salon in the mall, the contestants’ interviews are done in the food court.

The website for the show is through the online ordering function for the local Pizza Hut. You thought since you weren’t local that you couldn’t see this trash, well, think again! They have contestant clips right there! Woohoo! And did I mention it’s all done karaoke style?!?! My favorite contestants:
Jeremiah Lewis (week 1)
Marla McChristian (week 2)
Jennifer Malm (week 3)
Charles Moore (week 4)
Donald Todd (week 5)
Katie Reck (week 6)

“Isn’t that enough?” you ask. No. Of course not. There’s the Hostess who looks like she’s right out of a K-Tel Commercial. Then, there’re the judges. Please, be forewarned that the judge Shaun LaBelle’s teeth may cause blindness. (Seriously, lay off the CrestStrips, Shaun). There’s a lot of humor as the judges not only go after vocal pitch, performance, and other factors, they also know fashion! (Tonight’s episode, Shaun found a suit and shirt to match his teeth with a powderblue tie. Fabu!)

The prizes for winning this singing contest include:
a custom built Ellis Drum Company Drum set.
a one on one instruction with Minnesota drumming legend Tim Ellis.
A Yamaha ERG 121 Guitar and amp
1month of instruction and up to 5 hours of recording time in studio.
2 song demos from the Institute of Production and Recording.
A professionally produced music video from WB23 Productions,
A $3,000 pair of Diamond Earrings from Continental Diamonds,

And a 4 day 3 night trip for 2 to Los Angeles, California, which includes airfare & hotel accommodations, plus a private backlot tour of the Warner Brothers Studios.

Life is good.

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and for those who are curious as to who won:


Michelle Mann

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And none of them, not one of them, can sing. My favorite thing to do is run around impersonating the chick who sang, “There’s More to me Than You” or something (some country song) way in the beginning of the show. Thing is, it’s impossible for me to sing that badly. WTF?

The judges told her she’s just so cute though. YAY, so she’s blond and skinny. That doesn’t automatically give her talent, and she sucks and she can’t sing, and… and… ugh, she was just awful! Then there was the heavier black girl who sang a Whitney song. That girl had some pipes! She had real, amazing talent. She was nervous and wavered in the beginning, but she got it together and did a fantastic job. And they insulted her wardrobe! What the fuck, seriously? They basically said, "Girl, you got a big, fat ass and that shawl does nothing for your hips. You’re nasty fat and you’ll never get anywhere. Oh, and, ‘work on your pitch’*, too.

Every single episode I watched just made me more and more angry. Foaming at the mouth angry for three reasons: 1) Fashion has absolutely nothing to do with talent. Period, end of story. You know Britney doesn’t actually pick out her own clothes, right? 2) People, I don’t know who told you you can sing, but guess what? You can’t. Not even a little. Maybe it was cute when you were, like, four. You look foolish up there, what with your complete lack of rhythm and your tone deafness. 3) Damn, I know there was a third reason, too. I’ll get back to it maybe.

*In all the episodes I saw, this was the only thing the judges ever said, over and over again. Work on your pitch. I hate your shoes. Work on your pitch. Nice flannel shirt. Umm, not. Work on your pitch. You hair is terrible, you’ll need to do better next time. Work on your pitch. Work on your pitch. How helpful is that? What about the fact that they don’t seem to know what tempo is? What about when they run out of breath halfway through a note? (Speaking of that, back to the heavy black woman: (not verbatim, but close enough) “Hey tubby, you might think of losing a bit of that weight before you bother us with your nonsense again. BREATHE, SHAMU, BREATHE!”) Is working on their pitch going to help with any of that?

And that skeevy guy! Dude, just because you want to do ‘em in the butt, that doesn’t mean they can sing. Stop scoring based on breast to weight ratio! Ugh, I need to stop now. It’s just a horrible show with stupid judges hosted by some badly aged, has been beauty queen who wouldn’t know a cue if it got up and did the freakin’ Macarena.

And Pizza Hut sucks.

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I saw a commercial for an SF Bay Area version. I guess they’re everywhere.