Full Report:
Let it never be said that the Internet has not produced a single noteworthy accomplishment.
The sandwich making went smoothly. As nerissassippi already mentioned, I went with PB&J on multigrain bread. Half a sandwich per bag, as I wasn’t planning to eat the entire thing. (Not out of squeamishness, mind you, I just didn’t want PB&J for dinner.) I added a tiny piece of toilet paper to each bag, both for good luck and as an early-warning moisture detection system, sort of like a canary in a mine.
The bagging also went smoothly. I was pleased to note that the Glad brand sandwich bags I purchased have a new Double-Lock ™ seal. (They also came with free MadLibs. Score!) The Ziploc brand sandwich bags had no such double sealing technology, and thus I was a little worried about them. As a loyal Ziploc user, how had I gone so long with only a single seal? Did I really want only one seal between my food and the horrors outside the bag? We would soon find out.
The urinating was a little troublesome. I played three games of basketball at lunch today, in 99 degree heat. As a result, I was a little dehydrated. Never one to be daunted by such paltry obstacles, I drank four bottles of water and was back on track.
The sandwiches were tossed into the bowl. They floated about for a while, like an island of nutrition in a sea of urine. At some point, the cat came in to stare into the toilet, perhaps wondering what we had eaten to produce such unusual objects, and how she could get herself some of that. Beyond that, not much happened. The bags floated. We waited. Somewhere in the distance, a dog howled.
Removal was a little tricky, but no problem for someone who doesn’t mind washing their hands. The sandwiches were rinsed, and then carried out to the kitchen for inspection and subsequent eating.
“Why did you put those on our kitchen table?” asked Mrs. Giraffe.
My immediate impulse was to defend myself, but I quickly realized my position was indefensible.
“I don’t know. I’ll clean the table.”
The sandwiches both looked dry and, since I hadn’t yet had dinner, somewhat delicious. I took a healthy bite out of each one, pausing for the camera, and declared the 2003 Mullinator Urine Challenge to be a success. Both the Glad and the Ziploc brand sandwich bags kept my sandwiches safe from the urine in my toilet, and if either of those companies would like me to repeat that statement on a televised commercial, I’d be happy to do so.
Pictures and hopefully t-shirts will be coming soon. (Gorgon Heap, we should talk on email about how I can get 11 megs of files to you. I also want to request an XL and a medium t-shirt when you place the order.)
I will now sit back and wait for the admiration or, more likely, awkward silence that will undoubtably follow. On second thought, I think I’ll go brush my teeth.