I gave up on the concept of soulmates a long while ago.
I doubt i will find anything like that, where i am living now.
I’m not bitter. Not really.
I agree with what Manda Jo said, almost to the word.
I don’t know that I’ve ever believed that there’s only one person out there that’s right for you. I know that it’s only been in the last few years, I’ve come to know that it is totally not true.
I know if something, god forbid, were to happen to my husband, that I would mourn him, mourn him deeply, but my life would go on. I would find love again, find someone I’d want to spend my life with. I’d expect him to do the same if I died too.
Not to bust your chops, but IIRC, you would know this…how?
It’s all well and good to speak that way in the abstract, “Someday when I do, it’ll be love, love, love”, but until that day, it’s all theory.
There are a few people around that are married to the only person they’ve ever slept with and I think that they would be in a possible situation to make such a comment. Having actually slept with someone, you see.
Actually having sex has nothing to do with it, because it only gives you perspective on your own view of sex, not the views of others, about whom iampunha is speaking. A lot of people in this and the other thread are describing their experiences as if they were universal. That is specious reasoning, as punha pointed out. You can’t know what something is like for other people by merely having a similar experience.
<Humperdink>
You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no mater what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.
</Humperdink>
Sure I’ve got a soulmate! In fact, there are six of us in here and man is it crowded! Not only that, but the rent is rediculous. 
I certainly don’t believe that there is one and only one person out there with whom I can be truly happy, but I do believe that there are some people with whom I can be truly happy. I certainly would not “settle” for someone just because they might be as good as it gets. However, I also don’t think that I would be blind to a fulfilling relationship if one came along. As it is (maybe this is pathetic, I don’t know) I tend to shy away from any relationship that doesn’t promise to be something meaningful, because I can’t stand the thought that while I’m out with some girl in a non-committed sense, someone really wonderful will come by and I’ll miss that oportunity.
True love lives!
Great OP, hansel.
The important thing is not to assume that sex = love. Know enough about the other person, be able to communicate with each other BEFORE you have sex so that you know whether it’s true love or just a good way to spend a couple hours with a good friend …or “get to know” someone new. Both people have to go into sex with similar expectations.
I think there are two very good signs of a bad relationship:
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You are constantly apologizing or being apologized to. This situation is fixable if both people work at it and communicate. Sometimes it happens because one partner has all these weird Hollywood expectations of what a relationship should be and gets angry when the other person doesn’t live up to them. Sometimes it happens because one partner is a screwup, and eventually the other person reaches the threshhold of “DON’T APOLOGIZE TO ME, JUST STOP DOING THAT FUCKING THING THAT YOU KEEP DOING THAT DRIVES ME NUTS/HURTS MY FEELINGS!” But when every single conversation begins and ends with “I’m sorry…” it’s time to reevaluate.
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You are constantly apologizing FOR your partner, making excuses to yourself and the other person in your life. “He meant to be here, but you know, he’s just been working so hard.” “He didn’t mean to hit me!” “I know he didn’t MEAN to sleep with my best friend, it’s just that things got so hard for him at work!” “She didn’t mean to humiliate me in front of my boss! I know she’s my soulmate and I’ll never find a girl like her.” “He always means to be here on time, he just can’t help it if he’s naturally late.”
This one is pretty damn unfixable.
Run, leave, don’t look back.
My husband had a friend from high school that went to the same university as us. Throughout high school and college, he never had a girlfriend. He was extremely intelligent and wasn’t unattractive and he was very nice and polite and gentle with women, but he was extremely shy and had a low self-worth due to a bad family situation. We’ll call him Bob.
The three of us worked at a Sonic Drive-In, and this friend was easily one of the best workers in the place: always early, friendly, fast–and because he had the most photographic memory of anyone you’ll ever meet–accurate.
And then <i>she</i> came along. One of our assistant managers met her while they shared a jail cell (warning bells anyone?) and offered her a job. I don’t remember her name because by then, I’d already started another job, so we’ll call her Mary.
Bob was immediately taken by the attention Mary gave him. For the first time, a girl actually paid attention to him. Understand that he was 21 and had never even kissed a girl, let alone had sex with her. It wasn’t long before they had sex and by then he was hooked.
Except, she was a grade A certified slut. Not only had she lost custody of all of her children because she was incapable of caring for them, but she slept with just about any guy who showed the slightest interest. He thought he was in love, and when he found out about the other men she slutted around with (the entire time they’ve dated, of course), he wanted to kill them. Not her; them.
It got to the point where he was giving her all his money because she’d have this excuse or that for needing it. He was evicted from his apartment (and lost everything in it), he fell behind on all of his bills, dropped out of college, started drinking heavily and smoking pot, and actually became one of the worst employees Sonic had.
We tried talking sense into him, but as everyone is aware, you can’t tell someone who’s in love that the one they love isn’t worth it. When he started only coming around to bum money off us and our friends, we stopped communicating with him. He wasn’t even aware we’d moved after college until weeks later.
We’ve been out of college almost five years, and the last we heard from my sister-in-law (who lives near him because he moved back with his parents), he’s still with her, his soulmate.
TS
P.S. If your wondering why that assistant manager kept her job after a 30-day stint in the county jail for a DUI offense, it’s because she was the hardest damn worker in the store. The manager knew if he got rid of her, someone else would have to work the busy weekend shifts.