Isn’t this taught anywhere anymore?
If you are male/female/trans when you shake hands give the other person a firm hand. No need to break their hand, but just a good, firm shake.
It shows respect for both you and the other party. Why do so many people shake my hand with such a limp dick soft hand? There should be a school on it.
I have to be careful the other way, and not squeeze too hard. I shake hands with a lot of old people, especially old ladies, and I need to not hurt their arthritic hands.
But I did teach my kids the proper way to do it - a firm grasp, two shakes, look directly into their eyes and say “Pleased to meet you, Mr./Ms. Lastname”.
And of course, the proper way to say goodbye -
Regards,
Shodan
Link to a thread from April 2013, with people viewing a weak or botched handshake as some sort of intentional dominance move.
Before my heart surgery I met with my surgeon. I gave him my usual firm handshake, and got in return something very limp. It then occurred to me that he was protecting his hand, and I should have done likewise.
Because they need Viagra for their fingers? Or Viagra doesn’t work for their fingers?
ETA: If you think it will help, try shaking their dick instead.
Why do people like you give a shit about such a meaningless thing? Fuck Dale Carnegie. If I shake someone’s hand the firmness of their grip means nothing. There is no useful judgement about their character or person to be formed from how hard they squeeze your hand. This is idiocy. Its adolescent grasping for significance in something that has peripheral if any meaning. Are you also afraid to cross your legs when you sit in case other men think you are gay?
I’m a strong guy. I work with my hands and am physically active. I lift more, grasp more and smash more things with my hands in a day than 90% of the guys I shake hands with do in a week. Yet over last Christmas holidays my hand became sore from having my knuckles ground together by all the dudes that had to prove to me they too were strong… or something. I had to start warning people to be careful because my hand was injured. Could I have crushed their hands instead? Who cares.
The only thing that a handshake will tell you about someone is if they have the courtesy to not try to wrestle you during a simple greeting.
Sometimes you just miss the mark and go head with the sub-par handshake. I suppose you could get away with a jovial, “Whoops, missed the mark there, let’s try that again. There we go.” if you’re so inclined, but it doesn’t really matter to most people.
The real “don’t be that guy” issue is, as others have said, the too-firm handshake. That can make a much worse impression than a weak handshake.
Some people I meet are so eager to give a firm handshake that they go off prematurely - crushing my fingers together before our hands are fully engaged.
As long as you are actually clasping the other hand (or as close as you can, if there are issues like arthritis, etc.) and doing the shake motion, I don’t care if your grip is extremely light.
If you just hold your hand out limply for the other person to grasp and keep it like that, that bugs me. But the WORST OF ALL are the fucking bone crushers. Unless you’re, like, Andre the Giant 2.0, there’s no reason* or excuse to do this. And unless there’s substantial evidence to the contrary, my first impression of a bone crusher hand shaker is that they’re an aggressive, yet bizarrely insecure asshole.
This.
Of all the handshakes I’ve traded, I’ve *never *been conscious of any of the details of the interaction, mine or theirs, except for the rather rare incidents of cold/clammy/sweaty hands, or when some douche goes a bit overboard trying to give a “firm” handshake. It’s like, at that moment when you’re shaking someone’s hand, I’m more interested in the conversation, trying to remember their name, or whatever else is going on.
I can’t imagine spending even a passing thought about what either of our grips were like and what that supposedly means.
Let’s assume you are right and it is meaningless and people like me are just being assholes about it. There are a non-zero number of assholes like me in the world who judge a person based upon a firm handshake. That alone is a reason for anyone not to screw the pooch in the first microsecond of the meeting.
I agree about the “breaking the hands” handshake. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it is worse than the limp handshake, but it is definitely a negative. The school should teach a simple firm handshake appropriate to the circumstances.
Yes, my view is probably silly, but the thought is that if you don’t fully grasp my hand when offered, you are holding back and being dishonest. It’s like most customs in society that should be observed if you are trying to make a good impression on the other person. It takes no time or effort; you want the job or the sale. Give a simple, firm handshake and you won’t be -1 from the start.
There’s this 6’3" hulk of a man at work who insists on shaking hands by grabbing the other person’s fingers. Not their hand, just their fingers. If you put out the usual, blade-looking hand to shake, he’ll lightly wrap his paw around your top two or three fingers.
Now that’s bizarre.
I like to give limp hand shakes, just to piss people off and make them think I’m a pushover. And then I declaw their cats, for fun. When I visit their houses, I turn their toilet paper rolls around the opposite way that they are already hanging. I make sure to drive the speed limit in the left hand lane of the highway when I see them behind me. And then speed up when they try to pass me. I also like to get preachy about politics and religion right after the limp hand shake but before the declawing.
I honestly don’t understand this. The crushing handshake is overly aggressive and antagonistic. More importantly is that IT CAN FUCKING HURT. How can literally causing someone physical pain be less objectionable than a limp handshake? There are a good amount of people who have conditions like arthritis that make their hands more “delicate”. But even taking them out of the equation, I’ve had handshakes that actually made the bones in my hand move and grind into each other. Why the fuck would you (general you) DO that?
No one taught me anything about handshakes. I’m terrible at it. Sorry if it offends you. Perhaps some compassion would be a better reaction. Think of people like me as socially handicapped.
Not to mention, now you’ve got to guess which kind of handshake to give. I’ve noticed at the World Cup, the preferred pre-match handshake is the type where one grasps the other’s hand with the arms at a 45-degree upward angle. I guess there’s a name for this, but it escapes me at the moment.
I’ll admit that I am also perturbed by the limp handshake for no good reason at all. The majority of people I shake hands with just kind of hang their hand in my hand, and it’s annoying as all get out to me. Just shake my hand properly already! Even some sort of grip at all is appreciated!
I always have a sort of satisfaction with a successfully completed firm handshake that is equally returned. Anything else just feels one sided, sloppy, and a little disgusting. Like I’d grabbed a bunch of pasta or something instead of a person.
A limp handshake feels too much like holding hands, and from there it’s only a short walk to making out.
I know you’re being sarcastic, but think about your analogy. It fails. A limp handshake is nothing like any kind of hand holding I want a part of. It’s called “holding hands” not “holding hand.” When you’re holding hands with someone romantically and they just let you grip their motionless paw with its attached arm, it’s equally unpleasant as a dead fish handshake. There’s supposed to be an equal grip on both sides. Not a death grip, which is probably an even more annoying kind of handshake, but a grip.
I don’t read into the psychological implications or shortcomings of one’s character when they can’t manage a decent handshake, but I don’t like it, and it’s not a gender based dislike. I don’t like it when women give me dead fish handshakes any more than I like it when men do.
A handshake is meant to be an active behavior by both parties, and that’s always been self evident to me. Dead fish handshakes are the worst.
If you ever shake hands with a professional river guide, squeeze as hard as you can simply to protect your own paw.