Since this was inspired by a hijack of another thread, I suppose I should link to it, even though the original topic is unrelated.
What I don’t understand is why people seem to get so offended at the idea that someone might not want to shake hands. Leaving religious practice aside, there are plenty of reasons to not like it. I don’t see why it has to be such an absolute law of social interaction. The size or shape or strength of my hands really doesn’t have much to do with what kind of person I am. I have small hands, and they’re soft, and not particularly strong. I have a pitiful handshake. So what? Does that mean I can’t be trusted to act appropriately in social situations? Does it mean I’m a bad person? Does it mean I’m unreliable or unlikable or I smell bad? Hands are also gross. Mine are sweaty, and I have no desire to inflict that on anyone else. I also don’t really want another person’s palm-sweat on me- I have enough of my own, thanks. I don’t generally swap bodily fluids with people I’ve known for years, and yet it’s totally normal for a stranger to expect it. When you meet a new person you have no idea what they do with their hands. You don’t know where they have or haven’t been recently. I’m not germaphobe, but that doesn’t mean I go sticking my hands in everything that comes my way. And this is all tangential to what really makes me uncomfortable when people grab my hand. Isn’t there something personal and intimate about hands? These are my hands, I’ll do what I want with them, and you do what you want with yours. So I don’t want to touch yours with mine, so what? I don’t think you’re a lesser being. It’s not because I automatically assume everyone but me is dirty. It’s just that I choose to not get so personal with people I’m meeting for the very first time. Am I really the only one who feels like this? I don’t have issues with personal boundaries. I don’t mind sitting next to people on public transportation, I don’t mind when doctors need to get up close and personal, and I’m not afraid that anyone I touch is going to rape me. This convention, however, does make me feel uncomfortable. So why is it so inexcusably rude to not do it? Would someone really not hire me for a job because I didn’t shake hands with the interviewer? Would someone say about me, “nice person, good friend, but… doesn’t shake hands?”
I do agree with you. It’s just an historical convention: to make sure that neither party is concealing a weapon in their hands - or, at least, one of them. As most people are right handed, that’s the one used for shaking.
You could try bumping knees or elbows. At least, they’re usually sweat free.
Unfortunately its not only social convention to shake hands but also social convention to reject someone by refusing to shake their hand.
By doing so for the reasons you outline, you risk ending up having to explain that you’re not rejecting them or for them to get the wrong non-verbal message. Which can start getting awkward if you need half a page to do so.
In a job interview this can be near jobicide and even personally it can be hard work.
As I said, I agree with the OP, but mainly theoretically. I do shake hands, but only because of the complications that **Otara **has mentioned if I don’t. I don’t *like *doing it.
I don’t think the OP’s ‘issues’ are that unusual or concerning. He could wear gloves - chain mail ones preferably. That’d solve the problem.
It’s inexcusably rude to do it because, I suspect, you’d be coming across as snobbish. You’re not too good to shake my hand, and you should be washing your hands before a meal, anyway.
You don’t need strong hands to give a firm handshake, my 4 year old daughter can give a suitably firm handshake, you just keep your wrist firm and grip with your hand as if you were holding on to something. Sweat and germs is just part of the deal I’m afraid. If you know you’re about to meet someone and your worried about sweat, give your palm a secret wipe on your pants. If the other person has sweaty hands, then give your palm another secret wipe afterwards. Very secret, wiping your hand after shaking is as bad as not shaking at all. There are ways to get out of shaking hands, I’ve had to say “sorry mate, I won’t shake your hand, mine is covered in grime from working on my bike.” It was no big deal.
If you refuse to shake my offered hand, that is an insult. As far as I’m concerned, it’s as if you said ‘Fuck you.’ or ‘Piss off’.
I cannot find the video footage of the rage that ensued when a polling station volunteer refused to shake Lucien Bouchard’s hand, but it was spectacular.
When then-Prime Minister Kim Campbell met the cast of Mikado in Stratford, it was made clear to us that if any one of us would refuse to shake her hand, the back stage meeting would be off. Based on that, we all agreed, and kept our word. (It would have been very different if it had been Brian Mulroney, let me tell you!)
I’ve been refusing to shake hands the last few days. Of course I always follow it with an explanation that I have a bit of a cold. A cold that I got because the social convention here is to kiss one’s opposite sex friends instead of a handshake, and so I kissed a girl with a cold.
Not sure if this is true. Also, shaking hands isn’t exactly “swapping bodily fluids” in the most traditional sense of the word.
A firm handshake denotes confidence and competence. Not sure why, but it does. It is sort of just part of living in America. Maybe you could move to Japan? They all just bow, from what the tee-vee tells me.
I hate being touched, and shaking hands makes me absolutely cringe inside, but I don’t refuse because–as others above have said–people would think I’m rude.
I don’t know if anyone would agree with me on this, but I associate shaking hands with a certain type of personality. In my experience, if someone wants to shake hands with me, he tend to be a loud, abrasive, “Type A” character. Maybe it’s a way of asserting dominance?
As far as I can tell, hand-shaking isn’t something that’s done by a small subset of people. It’s basically something everyone does upon greeting in most business/professional situations and many social situations.
You hate being touched? Really? By anyone, or just strangers, or something else?
I love touch. It’s weird, cause I’m rather standoffish in a way, but it’s very normal for me to communicate by touching someone on the arm or upper back. Especially my patients.
Bingo. I don’t shake hands when meeting people. Partially for religious/cultural/moral issues, I don’t commonly touch a man I’m not married to or not related to. Within my ethnic group (and a few similiar groups) I will shake hands with non-relative men, but the hand shaking is not a greeting thing. It means a deal is sealed and we have a contract and even then a lot of times we are both wearing gloves. The wearing of the gloves is not thought to invalidate the contract merely a convention of politeness in a situation where people of the opposite sex are conducting business with each other.