I do not like shaking hands. I do it when it is called for.
One reason I do not like it is that many people do not know how to shake hands properly. Seinfeld does a good bit on this.
People make so many mistakes-dirty hands, sweaty hands, too many pumps, too soft, too hard( it is not a strength contest), 3 finger handshake, the wet fish, people not letting go of your hand.
When I was teaching in Japan, I tried to teach a little about how to make a good handshake, and about the politics of handshakes.
I am happy for my friends to touch me, and my wife. But I really dislike a complete stranger touching me, even if it is a handshake. I read Stranger in a Strange Land about 14 years ago. I realised I felt like Mike. I only want friends touching me.
I hate being “blopped.” Commander Blop (“or something”), a naval officer, was a walk-on character in Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye who would “break around forty of your fingers” when shaking hands. So I always call high-pressure shakers “bloppers.”
I have an inexplicable habit of clasping the shakee’s hand lightly but cordially with my left hand while shaking rights – giving hi/r a double-handed shake. Would anyone find this a little too, too much? Or may I continue?
Heh. I consider myself a VERY good hand shaker. I figured I needed to when I was younger because it was a pet peeve of my Dad’s to come across someone who didnt shake hands or who did the wet fish thing…then I grew up and sold cars for a while, so that reinforced it. Oh yeah, and I’m a chick, so that just added fuel to the fire.
I do the second hand touch as well, but really only under three circumstances:
When I have come across one of those people that doesn’t let go when they should. I find that the second hand touch while looking them in the eye reinforces the unspoken signal to let go. I almost always find it easier to withdraw both hands under these conditions.
When I want to convey warmth and sincerity. Look 'em in the eye. Always.
When I’m glad to see someone I haven’t seen in a long time. This one is rare because usually, if I’m that happy to see you, I’m probably close enough to give you a hug or something.
I cannot express enough how much I hate it when a man takes my handshake and MAKES me do the wet fish by grabbing only four of my fingers and turning my hand over with a double pump. Makes me nuts. Similarly, I almost always become agressive toward the wet fish based on automatically feeling like I’m the alpha in the situation.
I’ll rant a little more than Faruiza. I hate wet fish handshakes from other women. Loathe it. Ladies, it’s not the 19th century. We have birth control and DivaCups. Bring your damn handshake into the 21st century! While I don’t want a contest to see who’s stronger, I don’t want one to see who’s more fucking dainty, either.
Can someone please tell me what the etiquette-correct number of pumps is? 2 or 3 seems right to me, but sometimes when I shake someone’s hand they keep shaking after a third pump, and I want to end it because it feels like it has been going on too long.
My instructor from a job search course from way back when told us to “get 'em in the gronk” (I think that’s what he called it) - the webbing between your thumb and index finger should be snugged up to the webbing of the shakee’s hand. I also do not like this “delicately hold onto just the very tips of my fingers” that some women (and men) do. If we’re shaking hands, shake my damned hand.
That said, in our world of contagious diseases (colds and flus especially), I wish we could just stop the hand-shaking custom. I don’t know where your hands have been and what kinds of germs are on them, and chances are I don’t want to. I think we should start bowing respectfully when we meet someone.
(You can laugh and call me a germophobe now, but I’ll have the last laugh when you guys are all dead of superflu. MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!)
I don’t mind shaking hands with people I don’t know or have some sort of social distance from (people who, in another era and language, I would have called “vous”).
Shaking hands with my friends and family is weird. I’d much rather two-cheek kiss them, but that doesn’t work with (most) straight guys, so I find myself shaking hands. It’s this odd little no-I’m-not-going-to-kiss-you thing that I find rather disorienting.
I hate those dainty handshakes also, Sausage Creature. Jayzus, get a backbone, wouldja? And throw a couple of bones intor your hand while you’re about it?
I’ve done a fair amount of hiring in my day. When I go out to the reception area to greet the candidate, I always look them in the eye, stick out my hand to shake, and say “Hi, I’m twicks.” Hint: I’ve never hired someone with a bad (limp, wussy, noncommital) handshake. I have hired someone who’s handshake was a bit damper than it should have been – if they’ve just come in on a hot day.
I’m not a person that’s into physical contact (I HATE with a passion being patted on the shoulder, which occasionally happens since I’m in a wheelchair), so I never offer to shake hands, but if anyone sticks their hand out to be shaken I will shake their whole hand firmly; if the person looks like someone that’s into forceful handshakes then I’m forceful too.
I’ve once or twice made arthritic old folk wince at church when they’ve shaken my hand and I’ve forgotten to be gentle. :eek:
Wet fish hanshakers are just asking for it. Crush em until you see the whites of their eyes! Seriously though, I have to take it that someone just isn’t interested in meeting me when they do this. I can’t think of a single friend that uses this handshake.
Another one I hate is the knucklecracker. They have a tremendous knack of getting their grip going whilst you are still attempting to make contact with the “gronk”. They invariably grab your four fingers just over the top knuckle and bam, gotcha.
If I’m shaking hands with a woman, I do my usual handshake, just easing back a bit. Firm but not painful.
Eye contact in all goes without saying.
Oh, I absolutely hate that kind of handshake. (Nothing personal, Beware of Doug.) It just feels I’m at the other person’s mercy and will be held onto until they gosh darn feel like letting go of me. It’s very unsettling and uncomfortable. Especially when paired with blopping or wet hands.
I’m uncomfortable with handshakes but I concede they are an accepted and widely used social custom. I don’t like being touched, but at least a handshake, unlike a tap to the shoulder, is usually delivered with some anticipation and is implicitly solicited. What really makes me uncomfortable with handshakes is that I don’t know where the hell the other person’s hands have been or what sorts of nasty, vile substances they might have touched. You know how people are when it comes to not always washing their hands after using the restroom.
Some other points:
[ul]
[li]Rough, scaly hands squick me out. It’s hard to describe, but the feeling of dry skin against mine is discomforting.[/li][li]Vice-grip handshakes. I’ve been taught since childhood that one should give a firm handshake. Some people think this means to crush the bones in the other person’s hand. Don’t kill me, please.[/li][li]On the other side is the “wet fish”, or “dishrag” handshake as my dad calls it. Women seem to be more prone to committing this one. There is a happy medium when it comes to firmness but not a lot of people can achieve it.[/li][li]Wet hands: Water? Sweat? Mishap at the urinal?! :eek:[/li][li]Too long of handshake: I think two seconds is about all that is needed. Any more than two seconds and I begin to have suspiscions about the other person’s feelings towards me.[/li][/ul]
I hate it when I’m in church and the guy in front of me sneezes into his hands, then later I have to shake it during the “peace be with you” bit. That’s even worse than sweaty palms.
The only time I think it appropriate to shake hands is the first time you meet someone. Once the handshake cherry is broken, you don’t need to do it again.
I have a problem with handshakes when I’m out of Spain: too used to kiss-kiss! Often here I run into another woman in an otherwise all-male, work environment and we’re not sure whether to kiss-kiss or shake, we usually end up laughing instead
I hate people who squeeze my fingers. I know my hands are small, but really, you missed the biggest part!
I hate it when alpha shakers start shaking before you’ve fully grasped their hand, forcing you into the limp position.
I also hate it when men go for that old custom that men should never offer their hand to a woman. Bull, I’m your peer, you shake my hand just like everyone else.
I kinda like shaking hands. I’m not so hot on other kinds of physical contact. Hugging, shoulder-patting, etc. I can do without. But a handshake is a nice way to connect with another human being. A brief pressing of the palm, at arms length. It seems like a very grown-up and civilized little ritual.
I’ve never had anyone grip my hand too hard in a handshake. My hubby, though, has this weird habit of attempting to show affection by grabbing my left hand—the one with the wedding ring on it—and squeezing like he’s trying to wring whey out of it, which makes it feel like my ring-adjacent fingers are gonna fall off. I’m trying to break him of that, and it makes me careful to shake other people’s hand firmly but not crushingly.
I haaaaaate the wet fish handshake. It’s like someone has deposited a moist tissue in your hand, and you sit there going “Gah! What am I supposed to do with this! Take it back! Take it back!”
I have a horrible story about this, even if I am telling on myself.
Every spring, I get pollen allergies. Some years they’re worse than others. This year is particularly bad. I don’t just sneeze. I sneeze continuously and my nose runs uncontrollably. Really, I’m unfit for human consumption. Last year wasn’t too bad. A few years ago was another bad year like this one. In such years, I don’t go anywhere without a box of kleenex, and that includes Mass.
Often when I go indoors into the air-conditioning, all sneezing and running stops. Sometimes it doesn’t; I theorize in a packed-full-of-people situation like church, everyone is all covered with pollen from being outdoors and it just wafts around all through the Mass and I sit there blowing and sneezing, eyes watering and making everyone else as miserable as I myself am.
Well, the instance I’m remembering, I snotted and sneezed all through Mass and then the big moment! The Sign of Peace. Totally forgetting I’d been blowing and honking I turn around and offer my hand to someone sitting behind me. Beneath us was a terrible pile of used kleenex that I’d tossed on the pew after each blow.
The poor woman looked at me with the most horrified expression. I didn’t blame her one bit. I had to laugh. “Peace be with you!” I said, and just flashed the old '70s peace sign. She looked like I was going to give her the plague!
