Not that your situation is funny, but it reminds me of a surreal conversation from college that seems on topic.
It’s the beginning of the semester. My slacker friends and I have assembled in the campus eatery to begin our day of class-cutting. The Group Hottie comes in. Group Hottie has been on the outs with us for a while for reasons that will become clear. Group Hottie approaches her putatively ex-boyfriend, Group Idiot, pulls him away from the booth, whispers in his ear for a moment, then leaves him a kiss.
Group Idiot returns to the booth. "Oh, I love her so much, he says. “Why did I break up with her?”
General silence. “Because,” I say, “she tried to kill you.” :rolleyes:
“No she didn’t.” :mad:
“Yes, she did,” Group Rational Person says. “She tried to run you down with her car.”
“Her brakes were just bad.”
“Both times?” I ask.
“Yeah,” Group Idiot replies. “Did you see how she bounced when she left?”
The rest of us look at Group Leader. She shrugs.
“If he wants to go out with somebody who tried to run him down with her car,” she says, “clearly he needs to be removed from the gene pool. Who wants cheese steaks?”
Ex #1. We started dating when we were 14. By the time we were 17, we were different people.
Ex #2. She wanted to sleep with another guy.
Ex #3. She thought she liked me but actually hated me.
Ex #4. “We grew apart.” Specifically, she grew into someone else’s bed, but doesn’t think I know that.
Ex #5. She wanted to sleep with another girl.
Ex #6. We were dating fast and loose (kind of a benefits deal), and it turned out that her “real” boyfriend proposed. This being the first I’d heard of him, I broke it off.
Ex #7. She wanted to have a baby. She knew we were breaking up when I moved and basically asked for my sperm anyway.
Ex #8. She “felt I was smothering her.” Basically, she had cultivated this strong, independent woman image for herself and it broke her brain that she was in love with a man.
I assume these are six different reasons for six different fellows, rather than six for one. Becuase it’s hard to reconciile 2 & 3 with 1, 4, 5, & 6 (though 1 & 5 work together nicely).
Because she couldn’t go more than three months without talking about moving to another city and taking a different job (no mention of my coming with). She finally came home from a trip to Seattle and admitted that instead of visiting her friend, she had had a job interview and was moving.
He was very controlling* and I was way too young to get that on the day of my wedding when I stopped at the door of the church, turned to my Dad and said “I can’t do this” = I should NOT do this.
*Controlling to the point of not even being allowed to use the phone to order a pizza, let alone have a job.
“She tried to run you down with her car.”