So you somehow got elected President and now you are standing in front of the Capitol Building.
I might say something to the effect of… “Change is coming. Yes, I know, every President promises that, stop me if you’ve heard this before. No worries, though, we’ll be hamstrung by partisanship and obstructionism so it’s all good. We will have single-payer healthcare, a clean environment, a crackdown on fraud and waste, a merit-based approach to college admissions, a media that is held accountable, a stronger military, and send people to Mars. We will weed lobbyists and special interests out of politics. And if you’re a terrorist, you’ll get change, too, yes - from now on you’re getting bombed twice as much as before.”
What would you guys do? I know there’ll be some fascinating responses.
"I told you guys I didn’t want to be president, but did you listen? No! That’s it; I’m out of here! Vice-president-elect Seinfeld, come up and take the oath!
what is the State? The State is the systematization of the predatory process over a given territory.For crime, at best, is sporadic and uncertain; the parasitism is ephemeral, and The State provides a legal, orderly, systematic channel for the predation of private property. Since production must always precede predation, the free market is anterior to the State. The State has never been created by a “social contract”; it has always been born in conquest and exploitation. A conquering tribe pausing in its time-honored method of looting and murdering a conquered tribe, realized that the timespan of plunder would be longer and more secure, if the conquered tribe were allowed to live and produce, with the conquerors settling among them as rulers and exact tribute…
From this day on, the official language of the USA will be Swedish. Silence! In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now… 16 years old! The Cubs will never win a World Series!
'scuze me while I whip dis out…
People of America, I am humbled and awed, I realize my election means you have reached rock bottom of despair, so I damn well expect y’all to give me no grief about the things we must do to dig ourselves out of this hole, which do NOT include combatting things that you find icky but don’t harm you, NOR preventing anyone from feeling stressed or offended. We got bigger problems.
Finally, to my people in Puerto Rico I say, this accomplishment… is MINE! Not yours! YOU did not run! I dedicate you all jacksquat.
Have a good one, I’ll be at a private party at Archibald’s.
My fellow Americans, much money was spent to make sure to I became your next President of these Untied States of America. A list of who contributed, and what they expected in return for their contributions, has already been distributed to the press-all meetings having been secretly recorded. I thank them for unwittingly stabbing themselves in their collective backs, and helping put this country back on track, despite themselves.
Damn, this Oculus Rift is ticketyboo! Western front of the Capitol, so this takes place after 1980….wait, I’m NOT wearing a headset! WTF? Oh, I know—it’s a reality show. Kidnap any random loser and make them President, eh? Well, I’m game: My fellow Americans, today I pledge to you to lower everyone’s taxes and increase everyone’s services and benefits. How will I do it? Volume!
But seriously, folks: what we need is JOBS. The answer: my massive employment training initiative, financed by charging Donald Trump $1 every time he insults someone or claims some group loves him. YOU’RE WELCOME!
I can’t promise you the best policies. Nor will I promise the most popular policies. All I will guarantee are deliberation, consultation and application of the best science and investigation. Occasionally we will fall down. But we will then fall forward, facing our mistakes and learning from them.
