I wish my mom would have done that a little - I didn’t wear makeup or want to until college, and after grad school I quit, but the skin care and such would have been helpful. I can’t believe she let me leave the house looking like I did - but then, she tried to tell me how awful I looked and I stomped off, so there you go. This may happen to you.
I didn’t start shaving my legs until waaay after I should have, because I didn’t really know how and I didn’t have the supplies because my mom never said “Hey, here’s a razor, here’s how I do it.” I guess she probably thought I was too young for it, but kids were making fun of me!
I was also very shy about menstruation and such, and I stole her pads and cut them into pieces to make them last longer (so she didn’t notice). Then she went through menopause and I was out of luck - had to get my nerve up and say when she was on her way out the door “canyoupickmeupsometampons?” I cringe just thinking about how embarassing it was at the time. So, you know, be sensitive.
I wish someone had shown me how to use makeup. My mother’s idea of cosmetics was (and still is, bless her) foundation, pressed powder, and pink lipstick. My older sisters were too much older, and mostly already out of the house by the time I was of makeup age. There are some rather frightening pictures of me in green eyeshadow, blue mascara, magenta blush and red lipstick. Yes, all at the same time.
Yet, I would have simply DIED if my mom had tried to take me for a makeover when I was 13. Sheesh, Mom was so not cool! I’ll suggest leaving a few of those teen-oriented beauty magazines lying around.
And Mom gave me her old electric shaver for my legs, saying I’d cut myself to ribbons with a real razor. So I had stubble until I was about 16 and figured out the wet shave thing on my own. Now, my teenaged stepdaughters have those Venus razors, and they love them.
My mom didn’t help me with any of the girly stuff and it made a tough time even more difficult. I remember not being consistant with make up; some days it seemed important and others not. Does she really need foundation or would a powder suffice? And she should wash her face as soon as she gets home, then she won’t be too tired later, ha!
As for acne, if the Oxy is too rough for her (it eats me alive and bleaches fabric to boot), try Clean and Clear’s On The Spot treatment or the everyday stuff (clear plastic tube, purple top) that has salicylic acid and works like a dream but doesn’t stress my skin at all. If that doesn’t help, I second the reccommendation to see a dermatologist. I spent my teens and twenties in acne hell because my parents just thought I’d grow out of it, even though they hadn’t, hmph.
How about an electric shaver? No nicks and no bother with replacing old blades. Deoderant soap to help with the times she might slip up and forget deoderant?
And don’t worry if she grumps a little. When my dad (yes, my dad, bless him) gave me hints and tips I was mortified and huffed and puffed. Then I went and did what he advised, of course. I can still remember being outraged at having to wear that damned itchy bra, but pretty soon it was just part of the morning routine.
Great advice. A book that really helped teen-me with skin care and makeup was Don’t go To the Cosmetics Counter Without Me by Paula Begoun. She’s done the research on the best brands and the science behind them. She also has good advice for makeup and grooming (Blue eyeshadow should be illegal!).
I think it’s great that you’re doing this for your daughter, Dung Beetle. My mom showed me all the grooming stuff when it came time for it. She unceremoniously bought me deodorant and told me to start showering more often when I needed it. I didn’t really need to be told, though; for some reason, my sense of smell seemed to get stronger when my own smell did.
The only thing my mom and I part company on is make-up. I hate wearing lots of it and no matter how many times she or someone else shows me, I still never get it right. Mom also likes to put on a full face of “war paint,” which I can’t abide. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not exactly painted like a cheap whore. In fact, she looks great. She just never did get the fact that though I love cosmetics (nail polish, yeah!) I don’t think of them in the same proportions that she does.
OXY and other strong acne products will also turn your black headphone covers red.
Thanks for the support, guys! I also had the kind of mother who didn’t teach me these things, so I hope Alex will get a lot of benefit out of this. She doesn’t mind so far. There’s little chance she’ll become a painted harlot…she has glasses and orange hair and terrible acne…just like I did in middle school. And I remember how when guys first started to like me, I thought to myself, “Gee, he’s nothing special, but I’m so ugly, no other guy would have me, so…” That’s the kind of thing I’m trying to prevent.
matt, always check your foundation in natural daylight! It should disappear into your skin. And blend, blend, blend.
I want to chime in with another “you are doing the right thing.”
Someone mentioned Clinique- they do wonderful, natural makeup with great products (cleansers and stuff); they also offer plenty of free gifts. If Clinique seems too…adult to her, I’d suggest Benefit. It is a cute, young line that is reasonably priced and not as va-va-voom as the others (like Mac…I LOVE YOU MAC!).
I wish my mom would have done that for me. She never bothered to show me anything about wearing makeup or shaving my legs. She picked out my outfits until I was 15, which made me painfully uncool. (Although, I must say it built character.) I have to go to my younger sister for makeup advice. (How she learned how to do it, I’ll never know, but she’s unrivaled in her liquid eyeliner application skillz.) I never wear makeup, and thankfully I can get away with it. For all imporant occasions when I feel like I should be wearing makeup, I have to have my friends or my sister do it for me.
Hi, Dung Beetle!! I thought I’d offer my two cents. My mom is not now, nor has she ever been, interested in make-up. Her idea of personal grooming consists of nothing more than showering and braiding her hair into two plaits–the exact same way she wore it when she was 9. However, when she saw that I was interested in make-up and girly stuff, she drove me the galleria, parked me in front of the Lancome make-up counter at Neiman Marcus and left me to the tender mercies of cosmetics ladies. Figuring I’d be embarrassed if she hung around, she didn’t stay for the show. Seriously–to this day I think it’s one of the nicest things she’s ever done for me. I think it’s great that you are helping her out; and sharing stories of your own pimply-faced adolescence is great for mother-daughter bonding. At least it was for me and my mom. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your daughter too. So good on you!
I had to teach myself everything. I’ve come to find out that the most impportant thing is probably getting good quality products. They are usually very expensive, but they also last longer.
You’ll think I’m weird, but may I recommend Japanese skin care stuff and hair/make up styles? I won’t go into how well it worked for me, but I can tell you they know what they’re doing. Definitely better than the orange skin (fake tan or bad foundation), layers of colored eyeliner, and bleached hair girls here are wearing. I’m finding out that guys agree.
Iceland_Blue, have you tried shampoo formulated specifically for oily hair? Did you know that if it gets greasy halfway through the day you can sprinkle a little talcum powder in it and brush through?
I thing you’re doing a great thing for your daughter! I, like others, wish my mother would have sone the same for me.
I has the worst hair ever in middle school. it was dirty brown and stringy and I only showered every couple of days. Not to mention I had glasses and braces. Oh how I wish my mother would have taught me more about personal hygeine!
Hell, I remember taking my mom’s razors and sneaking them upstairs into my bathroom so I could shave without her knowing. One day she found the razor and asked me, “are you shaving your legs???” like it was some totally horrible thing! I was probably 12 or 13 at the time.
And if your daughter’s acne is that bad, just take her to the dermatologist! They have many wonderful things that have worked great for me and I’m sure you can find something that wll work for her too!
Good job Dung Beetle for really caring about what your daughter might be going through! You sound like an awesome mom! You’re aware of the pain and yet also aware of the flip side of giving in to all trends and whatnot with your daughter. Go you!
My mom was very helpful with all my changes. Granted I wasn’t allowed to wear make up in middle school, or get a perm or highlights (and I so wanted a perm), but she didn’t turn a blind eye to my troubles. When I was 10 I was hideous! I was the tallest kid in school, with thick hair, glasses and hairy legs. In 5th grade I had to get braces - I begged and cried - so afraid I would be the kid w/ glasses and braces so my mother caved in and I got contacts (only after I promised on my life that I would be really careful with them). Also in 5th grade one of the boys pointed out my hairy legs - black hairs - and my mother allowed me to start shaving them. She told me her mother had told her if she shaved her legs too early she would grow a moustache. hehe She promised me she wouldn’t lie to me about things like that.
I snuck Covergirl compacts and Wet N’ Wild eyeliner behind her back but I didn’t really start wearing make up until I was 16. For my 16th birthday my mom took me to the department store and I got a Clinique make over and got to get some of their products. I didn’t have a lot of money to spend on make up so I bought a lot of stuff at the drug store - Revlon, Maybelline, etc. It wasn’t until college that I heard about MAC and the other brands - it was love at first sight! hehe I now own a make up case that looks like what the guys on CSI carry around.
My mom also was there to explain how to shave properly, what bras to get, and talk about pads, periods and tampons. Come to think of it, she’s pretty cool! hehe
Dung Beetle - I really liked Clinique when I was younger because I could feel grown up wearing make up without looking like a hooker. It’s pretty reasonably priced. Once she figures out how to wear make up properly a nice line for light colors is Sonia Kashuk’s line at Target. It’s inexpensive and the colors are pretty and subtle. DiosaBellissima mentioned Benefit - I LOVE Benefit but I find it to be pretty pricey in comparison to MAC and others. The cheek tint is cool but if she’s an awkward teen she’ll spill the bottle (I’ve done it several times myself).
Okay, long babble short (I can go on and on about make up - make up and books - my two vices) - Clinique did a really great job with me at 16 - it was a free makeover provided you buy their make up. Stila’s also great and will do the same thing makeover wise.
And on the body washing, etc - Bath and Body works has great scents and could be an incentive to showering more often or just keeping clean in general.
I’ll stop talking now but I just want to say again - Dung Beetle - go you!
