My parents are now demanding that I give them the addresses of the friends I hang out with the most, in case of an emergency. I am not comfortable with this. When I told them I was not comfortable with this, they said that I’m hiding something from them. And that I was making no sense, because they have the addresses of each other friends.
Is their request unreasonable? I’m not comfortable with this, and I will not be comfortable with this if my future significant other requested it. I’m okay with names and phone numbers, but not addresses.
What are some potential pro’s and con’s of my parents having this info, besides being able to contact them/me in case of an emergency? Personally, I’m scared that they’ll abuse this info, and spy on me or my friends.
Here’s the twist, I AM hiding some things from them. No major shit, I don’t abuse drugs or I’m into prostitution or anything. I DO want them to be able to reach me in the case of an emergency, but I don’t want them to have knowledge of everything that is going on in my life.
How old are you? I only ask for friend’s addresses if the kid is high school age or younger. Unless, maybe, you’re going on a trip or something with the friend.
If you’re not comfortable giving it out, that is a good enough reason. Not to mention preserving the privacy of your friends.
The thought of them insistently demanding to know where your friends live when you’re in your late 20s is what I find fucking weird, not your refusal to indulge them.
I’m in my mid 40’s and single. My parents have contact information for my best friends and vice versa. It’s mostly because it makes it easier to find me if there’s an emergency. With many aging relatives and family members on active duty in the military, there have been emergencies, and I don’t want my parents stressing over not being able to contact me right away. Since I’m single, I spend a lot of time with my friends and there’s no SO to contact.
Sorry to bring up depressing examples (they’re really the only ones that are applicable), but I don’t want my mother leaving a ton of voicemail messages and freaking out about not being able to find me if my father has a heart attack and I need to come ASAP. Likewise, if something were to happen to me, my friends would need to tell my parents.
It’s not like they have information on every one of my Facebook friends, just my 3-4 best friends.
Hmm. My four kids range in age from 21 to 25. I don’t have the addresses of any of their friends, unless I already knew it from some legitimate thing (like, having driven them over there or something).
Now, my older daughter is fixing to move to Nashville, and I can see the possibility of asking for some contact information for her friends there, since she will be hundreds of miles away.
Okay, so I had this big ol’ post written out about emergency contact numbers and why they might be an okay idea, but then I read your post again and saw that you said “addresses.” That changes things quite a bit.
I mean, I get that it’s “their house, their rules.” I live with my parents myself (I’m nearly 24), and I most definitely try to respect their wishes. However, my parents have NEVER asked me for a friend’s address unless it was absolutely necessary (i.e. whenever they drove me to said friend’s house in high school–obviously they needed the address in order to get there). But if they’re not transporting me to or from said location, they don’t need to know it. Why? Because my friends and I are all adults, and said friends deserve their privacy. Just what exactly are they going to DO with that information, anyway? A phone number I could imagine needing. An address? Absolutely not.
Your parents, I think, are snooping too much. They’re not only disrespecting your privacy, they’re disrespecting your friends’ privacy.
My mother has the addresses of some of my friends… the ones who live in her same town, and whom she’s known since we were kids and played DnD at each other’s houses.
For any other contact, Mom and Bros have my cellphone and my email.
Aren’t you the person whose parents wouldn’t let you cut your hair, and didn’t want you to move out? If you are, I think your fears are legitimate. A cell phone should suffice in the best of situations, and should be more than enough with people who already have a history of crossing boundaries.
Yup. Thanks for your input guys, I didn’t think that was normal. It is a dangerous world out there, I would be happy to give out names and cell numbers, but no addresses.
I don’t know the OP’s exact situation, but if the parents are making living in the home a requirement for having any sort of relationship with them or the family, the equation is a lot more complicated. It’s easy enough to say “Well, then, fuck them,” but it’s not some random crazy psychos, it’s the crazy psychos who nursed you and tucked you in and were the center of your world for the first decade or so.
OP has posted before about her strange relationship with her family. Something to do with her mom wanting to hug her and touch her hair. She’s quasi in the closet, at least to them. Not sure, but pretty sure she still lives at home.
So if a friend needs a place to live it’s kosher for me to ask that they provide the addresses of all their friends? Fuck that. Yeah, I know, it’s real cool to say “their house, their rules”, but simply owning a house doesn’t mean it’s cool to act like a douche. “Hey Danny, it’s cool if you need to live with me, but every morning I’m going to come into your room and teabag you.” My house, my rules bitches!