My domicle is in my parental abode. Although I have lived in the same abode for 35 of my 37 years I am not residing in the same room I grew up in, Our house, is a very very fine house and is a two story bi-level (as if there can be a one story or bi-level)
Some people would refer to it as a mother-daughter style because of the living room that is on each level. However as a male I would rather not refer to it that way.
I know there are some women out there that do not care that someone lives with their parents they are in the minority. I do pay rent which covers the utilities.
I was thinking of saying I am sharing a house with my parents. One of the reasons I am there is they can no longer do everything around the house they used to because of their age and some physical limitations.
No matter how politely you say this, it still amounts to; never having moved away from the parental home. And that is the issue you need to address, for my woman’s mind.
Anything less than ownership, of still living at home with your parents, is going to smell of spin.
Why didn’t you move away and make a life for yourself in your 20’s?
I get that you are now well positioned to assist them, should they require care. Attempts to paint it as, ‘you helping them out’, come off as kind of douchie, to be honest. Even when true.
I vote own it. All. Up front. Whatever the circumstances were, that kept you under your parents roof till 37yrs of age, lay them out.
Honesty and authenticity always trump rationalizations and spin, to my mind.
I disagree that he should mention it in the ad at all. This isn’t something that needs to be mentioned prior to a first date. Either he tells the truth and looks like a manchild, or he spins it and looks like a liar down the road. Why risk it? Leave it out.
The OP might have a chance to make a good impression on a prospective girlfriend by omitting his living situation, whereas putting it in will almost certainly damn him, regardless. *Very *few well-adjusted females in that age range will think highly of a random guy on the internet who never left home. But after a few dates, if she likes him enough, she would likely be willing to overlook it.
I don’t agree with you at all. This is the exact same logic people use when they list themselves as “average” weight on dating sites, only post myspace angles, and are in fact morbidly obese. “If they get to know me they’ll overlook it!” No they don’t overlook it and you spoiled any chance you had of a relationship by deceiving them.
Unfortunately for MannyL Elbows is exactly right. The fact that he never left his parents’ house is going to be a huge deal breaker for most women. He might as well let people know upfront rather than wasting everyone’s time. That way he knows he is only going out with people who don’t have a problem with it.
Omitting unnecessary details about one’s living situation is not the same thing as lying about one’s appearance. Nobody can tell by looking at the OP whether he lives at home or on his own. That he brings an irrelevant detail up unasked, before even engaging in conversation with a potential date, makes it look like he’s on the defensive about the situation. That’s not an attractive trait.
Now, if he’s asked in a message about his living situation, he shouldn’t lie about it. But I don’t think it’s necessary to put it out there, either. I mean, how many people say, “I moved out of my mom’s place when I was 18 and I’m living in an apartment on Surrey Street.” That just sounds weird and irrelevant to me.
Instead of well crafting the wording of this part, living with Mom and Dad, you should be crafting the wording of whatever the truth is that kept you there, whatever it may be.
You got issues? Welcome to the club, grab a seat. You know how people with issues handle dating ads? By owning them. And by well crafting that ownership to put it in it’s most positive light.
You’re in the right place for that, in fact, should you choose to share with us whatever those issues are.
The point is you can never get away from who and what you really are, and the hard facts are that this circumstance is a part of who and what you are. Any attempt to distance yourself from it, is going to come off as inauthentic, and women can smell that like weed.
How do you word it? “I’m very close to my mom and dad”.
I agree with rachel actually. I wouldn’t lie about it, but I wouldn’t mention it right off the bat either.
If I met a guy that I liked, and it turned out that he had never moved out of his parents’ home, I’d find that to be rather odd to be honest and I would wonder why things worked out that way, but if I otherwise liked the guy, I wouldn’t consider it a dealbreaker.
I probably wouldn’t mention it unless it flowed naturally into the text I was writing. But, anyone that is going to for-judge you for this is probably not someone you’re going to want to waste a lot of time on anyways.
I am going to have to disagree with you as well. I don’t find the fact that the has always lived with his parents to be an unnecessary detail. Actually I don’t care about the detail, but I suspect, as Elbows points out, that most women do.
It will avoid much wasted time if he states it up front…it might not be as fun, and connections may be fewer, but they’ll be more genuine.
I think it depends on what you are looking for relationship-wise. Looking for a casual fling? Don’t mention it. Looking for a serious girlfriend that could potentially be a wife someday? Mention this up front.
Thanks for all the replies. The main reason I never left is when I was 9 my grandmother who was living with us had a stroke and she remained in the house. By continuing to live here I was able to be around and assist when she needed help daily. I was the one who would bring her dinner down to her most days and bring up her used dishes nightly.
:dubious: Presumably, that reasoning no longer applies. Was there no period between your helping with your grandmother and your parents requiring your help during which you could have gotten your own place for a while? It sounds… well, not truthful to me. And perhaps it is entirely truthful but as a late-20s woman who doesn’t know you personally (i.e., pretty close to your target audience) it reeks of BS.
And I know it makes me sound all judge-y and whatever, but I (and certainly many other women) would find it more than a little off-putting that a potential partner, one who is approaching his 40s no less, has never not lived with his mother. If you don’t put it on your profile, it should be mentioned very early in your communication with any potential matches.
See, this doesn’t sound like ownership. And doesn’t explain why you were still there at 19, or 29, or likely will be at 39. I’m sure there is more to it than taking plates up and down stairs, don’t get me wrong.
But if you can’t own the truth, whatever it may be, it indicates to women you are ‘stuck’, where you are, for good reason. If, however, you can own it fully, facing whatever the issues are, then you come off looking like a guy with issues, yes, but with the potential to move forward, from where you’re ‘stuck’ emotionally. A woman would be much more willing to invest herself emotionally in such a man, I feel.
