A poll: When you use the phrase, “I have to go to the bathroom”, do you have in your head the notion of getting yourself to the toilet so that you may then urinate and/or defecate, or do you have in your head the notion of urinating and/or defecating? Or neither? Or both?
Well, both.
When I announce it, it means I’m on my way to go urinate/defecate.
If someone asks me what I’m doing while I’m on the toilet, I’d say, “I’m going to the bathroom!” and it means I’m in the process.
The former.
I also only use the phrase “go to the bathroom” if there’s actually a bath in the room. Otherwise I say “go to the restroom.” If I’m on a camping trip and there are no bathroom or restrooms, I’ll simply say “urinate” and/or “defecate.”
If someone knocked on the bathroom door and asked me what I was doing, I’d just say “What do you THINK I’m doing, you frickin’ retard!” I’d never say “going to the bathroom” because I’m already there.
I’m not sure I understand the question. But when I say I’m going to the bathroom, I’m not thinking that I am announcing any intent of what I’m going to do there. I could be going in there to do anything, maybe just wash my hands or brush my hair. But I have a coworker who will announce that she is going to go to the bathroom in the hallway, and although we all know that she means that she is going to use the bathroom that’s in the hallway, I’ll frequently respond, “Ew! You’re going to go to the bathroom, right there out in the hallway? I hope you clean it up!”
The former. If I’m in a group of people and need to excuse myself, I may choose to be coy (“I’ll be back in a few minutes”) or I may choose to be fairly obvious (“I need to go use the bathroom”), or I may choose to be even more obvious (“You know what they say about beer; you don’t buy it, you only rent it. I’ll be right back”).
If I’m already in the process and someone knocks/hollers in, I’ll say something fairly noncommittal (“I’ll be out in just a couple of minutes”), not something too overt (“Hey, I’m in here, takin’ a dump”).
I never really thought about it. I think I’m usually thinking of evacuating my bladder, not the process of getting there.
I also tend to tell people “be right back, I gotta pee,” when I’m in comfortable company. It usually makes people laugh the first time they hear me say it.
But surely the “restroom” would have to contain something like a couch or bed so you can have your “rest”.
You actually use those words? I’ve never had anyone actually use clinical terms to state what they’re about to do. I usually say, “take a piss”, “take a crap”, “drop a deuce”, etc… with friends, and “use the bathroom” or “use the restroom” when I need to be proper.
I generally don’t tell people what I’m doing. A simple “excuse me” in polite company but otherwise I just get up and go. If I were to “go to the bathroom”, I guess that would describe the process of actually making it to the toilet. When my son asks “What are you doing, Mom?” while I’m already in there, I’m “using the bathroom, go away!”
I don’t announce, nor do I explain. No Rhymer ever has. It has been official family policy since 1876 that our defecations and micturitions shall be like unto the Spanish Inquisition.
With lots of leather and thumbscrews? Kinky!
Funny, our official family policy dates from 1621 and states “Intent to defecate shall be rendered prior to such behavior as to not unfairly burden His Majesty’s subjects residing in the colony of Woburn, Mass.”
Ah, then we’re relatives!
The Rhymers branched off from your branch of the tribe over that very issue. Well, that and the artichoke thing.
Well crap, its a small world.
This reminds me of when I was in IT at the bank. There was an auditor who was having issues with his computer every morning. I finally had him come in and watched him in order to troubleshoot the issue. As soon as he booted his computer, he was trying to open programs, and repeatedly clicked icons before the computer could process the first salvo. I had guessed this to be the issue, this was windows 3.1, and it was not very robust. I had asked him not to click on anything for a few minutes, when he booted it, and he said he would wait, but he never did. I talked to his boss. She told me to tell him to boot his computer and then immediately go to the bathroom. I did, and he said ok, and tried it. It worked, so that became part of his morning routine, to the point he would tell me, when he had problems with his computer, that he had gone to the bathroom, but it still was not behaving.
“Use the bathroom” is a polite idiom that means I need to piss or shit to me. Even if I’m in the middle of the woods, and had to use the nearest tree, I’d probably still say I need to use the bathroom as often as not.
I say it with travel in mind.
Seriously? Like “I’m off to defecate, la, la, la” and kick yours heels on the way?
Sorry, long day, trying desperately to lighten my mood.
I guess masturbation isn’t a choice, huh? 
Okay, it’s usually only urination I mean when I say that.
Number 2, I just say, “I gotta go pinch a loaf, y’all!”
Q