"Using the bathroom" to mean the act, not the place: List strained euphemisms here!

I won’t link to the thread, but I just came across where somebody said their cat didn’t like car trips, and would “use the bathroom all over herself”. Huh? What kind of a car or bathroom is this anyway?

Is that not the most strained euphemism you’ve ever seen?

Again with cats, I remember reading and ad for some cat product that mentioned cats “using the bathroom all over the house”, which, unless it’s a very unusual house, is clearly impossible.

Oh, I forgot. The poll.

How about it? What strained euphemisms do you despise?

Spend a penny. The first time I heard this (from my grandma) I asked “Why only a penny?”
In my job we often phone our American counterparts. I phoned the other day and was told the guy I need was ‘using the rest room’ , so he’s “on the bog” then is he?

p.s. I don’t despise them, I just think they are as you say ‘strained’

I’ve never been fond of some of the more delicate euphemisms for death like “he passed away” or “Poor Sqeuaky was taken from us.” Also “lost” as in “she lost her husband last year,” mainly because it isn’t quite clear how lost he is.

I wouldn’t ever call a grieving person on his or her choice of words, though.

There was a joke in a Bennett Cerf humor collection about a little girl whose parents were giving her advice just before she left to visit her aunt:

“Now, your Aunt Mildred is a bit on the prissy side – when you have to go to the bathroom, say, ‘If you’ll excuse me, I have to go powder my nose’”.

The visit went very well, and as the little girl was getting ready to leave for home, Aunt Mildred suggested the little girl come back for another visit sometime. “And bring your younger sister along”.

“Oh, I don’t think that would be a good idea”, replied the little girl. “She still powders her nose in bed”.

[GEEK WARNING]
Reminds me of the scene in The Two Towers (the book, not the movie) where Treebeard says to the hobbits that they’ve “lost” the entwives, and the hobbits think he meant they died, but he actually means “lost”.

[/GW]

Many years ago my parents were entertaining a group of people and one woman, unable to find my mother, asked my sister where the “little girls’ room” was.

My sister didn’t know what she was talking about and finally the woman had to explain that she needed to use the toilet.

way OT here, but you reminded me of another funny bit.

Legolas: Just one bite of lembas bread is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man.

Pippin (to merry): how many have you had?

Merry: Six.

“bio break”

I also once took the term “I don’t see your name on it” too far. Permanent marker and thin cheap 70’s plastic don’t mix. Well, they do, but they don’t unmix.

My name was on that chair for decades.

Three words (two hyphenated) Alcohol-based marker.
If you scribble over your ‘permanent’ marking with an alcohol-based marker you can then rub off both with ease.

My favourite is “Where even the Emperor must go on foot.”

Never in my life heard of that one. What does it mean?

My wife relates the story of how when she was a little girl a guest happened to mention that he needed to “see a man about a horse”. Being fond of horses and ponies, she aksed if she could come along and see it too! :smiley:

I agree. *Rest room * is just ridiculous. Every time I hear this phrase I see images of a room with lots of beds where people go to take a quick nap.

I used to know a woman who would say, " I have to wet." or "before I leave, I’ll go wet. " :confused: She couldn’t even say bathroom, or restroom.

I have to …

[Bazza McKenzie]
… siphon the python
… drain the dragon
… point percy at the porcelain
… direct dennis at the doulton
… splash the boots
… strain the potatoes
… shake hands with the unemployed
[/Bazza McKenzie]

… visit the smallest room in the house
… use the facilities
… use the WC
… use the loo

The biffy.

Huh. I always heard that one as meaning “to masturbate.”

When Johnny Knocksville(sp?) was on Late Night With Conan O’Brian he said “He went little bathroom on himself.” I thought that was odd.