In the UK, when a crime suspect is under interrogation by the police, he or she is reported as:
helping the police with their enquiries
This quaint expression has been in use for as long as I can remember. I applaud it. Except on those few occasions when I myself have been taken into custody, beaten to within an inch of my life and thrown out of a speeding car down some back street in the city.
My favorite is “suspect.” Guy goes in to a bank, robs them of twenty thousand dollars, takes a hostage, demands an escape car. He gets the car and takes off. Shoots the hostage and throws him out in front of the cops. Leads the cops on high speed chase through the city until he finally crashes and the cops nab him. There have been cameras following the guy since he came out of the bank. His every move is documented and broadcast live, and what do the reporters say as the cops drag the asshole off to jail? “The police have arrested a suspect in the bank holdup.” A suspect? Sheesh.
There are so many of these. Many of my favorites are softenings of earlier, harsher terms, i.e., “passed away” for “died”, “partly sunny” instead of “partly cloudy” in weather reports, “bathroom tissue” for “toilet paper”, and “occasional irregularity” for “constipation”.
And don’t get me started on all the PC euphemisms for various physical and mental disorders. “Those with severe appearance deficits” - that would be ugly people.
I like the term “cacked” for “killed”, and I love the fact that the U.S. government measures radiation in “Sunshine Units”.
A couple good ones from the service:
Midnight Requisition : In essence, acquiring things you need from another group, usually under cover of darkness.
Liberating Equipment : Same thing, but construed as freeing the item from the bonds of those who hold it.
Food : The unpalatable mess served in chow halls.
Masturbation - Jostlin the Elders
Sex - Building Shelves or Fighting Crime
Moron user - ID-ten-T error or Short Between the Keyboard and the CHair
Projects of no worth and waste time and money but make you look good to the higher ups - MP’s (manager Pleasers)