Favourite Euphism

In the UK, when a crime suspect is under interrogation by the police, he or she is reported as:

helping the police with their enquiries

This quaint expression has been in use for as long as I can remember. I applaud it. Except on those few occasions when I myself have been taken into custody, beaten to within an inch of my life and thrown out of a speeding car down some back street in the city.

Sorry. Too many crime movies. :smiley:

My favorite is “suspect.” Guy goes in to a bank, robs them of twenty thousand dollars, takes a hostage, demands an escape car. He gets the car and takes off. Shoots the hostage and throws him out in front of the cops. Leads the cops on high speed chase through the city until he finally crashes and the cops nab him. There have been cameras following the guy since he came out of the bank. His every move is documented and broadcast live, and what do the reporters say as the cops drag the asshole off to jail? “The police have arrested a suspect in the bank holdup.” A suspect? Sheesh.

“Correctional Facility” instead of jail.
“Tired and emotional” for completely rat-arsed drunk.
“Negative growth” as used by economists.


Everyone I know who gets stopped by police and ends up in jail says its for “traffic tickets,” even when you know what the truth is. They leave out a syllable “traffic-KING tickets,” i.e. drugs.

Like you really got stopped and throw in jail on traffic tickets!

Genesis 31:35, from the King James Version

…which, when placed in the New International Version, looks like this:

Also, another one of my favorites, from the *New International Version, is Isaiah 64:6:

…which, if translated literally, would say “All our righteous acts are like bloody menstrual rags.”

Ya gotta love the weird juxtaposition of Holy Scripture and English euphemisms for menstruation!

I like “dirt nap” for death.

“interesting” meaning hideous, unsuitable and unpleasant.

as in

“mum, what do you think of my new boyfriend?”

“he’s very…ah, interesting, dear.”

I’m kind of partial to “wood shampoo”, the practice of cleaning someone’s hair with a baton. :smiley:

There are so many of these. Many of my favorites are softenings of earlier, harsher terms, i.e., “passed away” for “died”, “partly sunny” instead of “partly cloudy” in weather reports, “bathroom tissue” for “toilet paper”, and “occasional irregularity” for “constipation”.

And don’t get me started on all the PC euphemisms for various physical and mental disorders. “Those with severe appearance deficits” - that would be ugly people.

I like the term “cacked” for “killed”, and I love the fact that the U.S. government measures radiation in “Sunshine Units”.

Sewalk’s ‘Wood shampoo’ brings to mind a ‘Glasgow kiss’, which is administered to one forehead by another at high speed.

What, no euphamisms for sex yet??

My favorite: “Giving her the headboard migraine”.

I like the fact that Mariah Carey checked into a hospital for:


instead of “nutjob insanity”


A couple good ones from the service:
Midnight Requisition : In essence, acquiring things you need from another group, usually under cover of darkness.
Liberating Equipment : Same thing, but construed as freeing the item from the bonds of those who hold it.
Food : The unpalatable mess served in chow halls.

Never been able to verify this one, but I’m told that after Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the Japanese War Ministry issued a statement that began:-

“The war situation has developed, not necessarily to Japan’s advantage…”

Then, there was also the (reputed) outburst by a US military spokesperson, directed at journalists asking about the bombing of Cambodia in the 70s:-

“You always say that it’s bombing, bombing. It’s not bombing. It’s air support.”

My all-time favorite: “the biblical sense.”

Him: Do you know Jake?
Me: Not in the biblical sense.

I believe that Air Support can cause Collateral Damage. And that’s no Terminological Inexactitude.

My favorite, from the bad old days, is “farmer” for someone who deals with pharmacuticals. (I guess it would be spelled pharmer.)

Also, anyone remember “News Radio”?:

cute- pretty and short and/or hyper
beautiful- pretty and tall
gorgeous- pretty with great hair
sexy- pretty and slutty
striking- pretty with a big nose
exotic- ugly

A police officer once told me that they were taught “pain compliance techniques” in cop school.
My favorite sex euphemism is “discussing the big bang theory”.

Masturbation - Jostlin the Elders
Sex - Building Shelves or Fighting Crime
Moron user - ID-ten-T error or Short Between the Keyboard and the CHair
Projects of no worth and waste time and money but make you look good to the higher ups - MP’s (manager Pleasers)