The title is “SO.” NOT “the woman I just met last week”. Significant Other. Serious enough that your being at this event is very meaningful to her. That seems serious to me. That’s thinking of you as my partner level serious to me. Not sure why his having likely been partnered four years ago to someone else precludes that to you.
Here’s the thing though. This moment is not about you. It is about the other person. And if that other person thinks it is important you attend then you should probably go to the graduation and suck it up if the person is important to you and they would like it if you were there. You do it for them, not yourself.
This. But okay, somehow i have enough time and energy to have a significant other. Does he help me with the kids? Does he try to father them? Or at least act like an uncle to them?
Does my kid care about this “graduation”? Could i just take the kid with me to the masters graduation? Would the kid even realize he’d missed a “graduation”?
For that matter, does my SO care about the graduation, or is he just happy to get the degree? My son skipped his high school graduation and only went to his college graduation because we insisted. He has a master’s degree. If there was a ceremony, he didn’t tell us about it.
My kid comes first. If it’s a question of whose hand i hold in the hospital, my kid wins, no question. But this is not comparing similar events. The answer to this is so much “it depends”.
I am well aware of that. It is, after all, how I met my wife.
When you have a 4 year old at home is not the time to do it.
I skipped mine own Masters graduation, because it was just another milestone in a long line of milestones. Post-graduate degree graduations are gilding the lily and superfluous. It’s the handshakes from the review committee after defending your thesis that are meaningful.
When each of my kids graduated from preschool, the four years it represented was almost their entire life. Of course I didn’t miss those. It’s not about whether or not the kid remembers it, it’s about experiencing that moment of transition with them. And those moments with your kids are fleeting and irreplaceable.
Why?
Do you think dating means nightly hookups and drinking and partying?
Or, can it be having lunch together in the company cafeteria occasionally for your 45 minute lunch break and maybe a dinner and a show once a month and you get a babysitter?
Wow - so I left my previous partner a year after she gave birth to your kid in this hypothetical? What the hell is wrong with me?
And then, rather than focusing on taking care of my kid, I immediately decided to go out and find a new partner? What the actual fuck?
I did say in my earlier response:
And then I elaborated:
But if they’re parenting my child, I’d expect that they demand I go to my kid’s graduation instead of theirs. Otherwise, our parenting philosophies are so out of tune that there’s no way we can actually be partners.
Indeed. Who made you the arbiter of what is correct here and to judge others?
Certainly there are “bad” ways to go about this but there are also perfectly reasonable ways to date as well when you have a 4-year-old.
This seems unreasonable to me. If I got divorced after my wife and I had child one romantic involvement would have been off the table for either us, as we would have shared custody? Until the kid was how old?
Nah. Divorced and single parents can and should have lives other than being parent. Including dates. Hobbies. Their sole purpose for being is not the child. Honestly I suspect doing such would be bad for the kid as well.
A sixteen year old girl so dependent on her parent that they could manage being self sufficient for a day? God forbid I raised any of my kids like that.
The two are not mutually exclusive. Walk and chew gum.
You think they’ll demand you go to a pre school graduation? Again, does the child even know this event is going to happen? Does the child care? Some do, others really don’t.
It’s the very first thing your kid is graduating from. They’re going to be immensely excited to see you there. I’m going to my daughter’s Pre-K graduation tomorrow, and I’m incredibly excited to do it.
If I was graduating from higher education again, I wouldn’t particularly care who comes to my graduation. I might not even go myself. I’m an adult, the ceremony means very little to me, and I’ve been to like eight of these by this point. I’m going to be much more excited and emotional to see my kid graduate than I would be to graduate myself, even if the achievement on my end is technically much more impressive.
Sorry my love. I would love to drive you to the hospital but I promised Junior some ice cream.
I didn’t even go to my Masters (or PhD) graduation. The Pre-K one might have ice cream.
Because four years is a very short period of time to go from having a baby with one woman, to leaving her for reasons that don’t make you a giant raging asshole who abandoned his wife and kid, to emotionally dealing with whatever it was that made you need to leave that relationship, to starting to date again, to getting into a committed relationship, and to building it up to a level where it’s this serious.
That’s a LOT of fucking steps for you to be doing while your ex wife is changing diapers and rocking the baby back to sleep in the middle of the night.
Does the kid even understand what’s going on? Are they all there going, “Fuck yeah! Kindergardener now bitches!”
Right - and that’s why, when all is said and done, you go to the ceremony for the person who is more important to you than anyone else in the world - your own child.
…
…Right?
Did I miss something? Did Grrr’s guy he’s referencing make a r/AITA thread I missed how his now ex was completely blameless yet he dumped her for the next chippie that crossed his path?
You mean the person who will never remember a moment of any of it?
Because raising a kid is a full time job. For both parents.
And because it’s not just about hours in the day, but how you split your attention and emotional capacity. If you’re parenting right, and being present for your kid, you’re not going to have the emotional bandwidth to court, and to pursue a brand new relationship.
And in 18 years they end up in a youtube video where the comments are “This is what happens when your parents never tell you, ‘No.’”