We definitely have different ideas of parenting and relationships. That’s cool, though. I don’t agree at all with parents with 4-year-olds being incapable of dating and raising their children “right.”
Only the Sith deal in absolutes.
But parents can raise a kid together? Where do they get the emotional bandwidth from to be married and have an adult relationship and also raise a child?
Or does the adult relationship stop and all effort is directed towards the kid?
I was a single father and met my wife when my kid was five. He got a mom out of it so I guess it worked out okay.
I believe the forum is titled “In My Humble Opinion”, no? We are all presenting opinions here.
As a parent to a kid in that age range, I strongly disagree.
It’s a free country, so you get to decide what is or isn’t on the table and when. But I’m free to hardcore judge you if you’re a divorced parent of a four year old and you’re out there on the dating market instead of spending all of your time and effort on giving your kid the best life you can.
Hobbies, friends, etc are all important and good. Community is great. Dating is something different. Especially if you’re going to be bringing your partners around your kids.
It isn’t fair to children to introduce them to parental figures and then tear them away. Kids don’t understand your dating life and why after 3 years you’re breaking up with the lady they’ve really come to love. And it isn’t fucking about you, it’s about them - that should be your priority.
So when the kids are a little older, you can date; but keep them the hell away from your kids until you’re damn sure it’s serious.
Wow.
People get divorced. Sometimes in the year after they have kids. It is a stressful and transitional time. Probably sometimes one of them is a raging asshole. Can be the man. Can be the woman. Sometimes both. Sometimes neither. They just decide they aren’t best together. Maybe they should have realized that before they had the kid but they didn’t.
And they get new romantic interests fairly commonly.
It really is okay for that to happen.
Yes you are. And I am free be flabbergasted at your strange perspective.
My kid is 3 and she knows about graduation tomorrow, because her teachers have been telling them about it all week. And she’s been telling us how excited she is to graduate, that her stuffed animals are graduating, etc.
I realize not every kid gets that excited about it, but I think part of that is also what is modeled for them.
My first reaction: What the hell is a Pre-K graduation? That’s not real. That’s just some made-up bullshit thing.
But if I really had to make such a decision, I’d want to know: how big a deal is the “graduation” to the people involved? How important is it to child that I go to their “graduation”? How important is it to SO that I go to their graduation?
If we didn’t have to have a “graduation” for everything, maybe there wouldn’t be so many conflicts like this.
My three year old might not remember graduation when she’s in her thirties, but she’ll certainly remember it for the next few months at least (and will undoubtedly talk about it nonstop, too!). Why is the only being that matters the hypothetical thirty years old woman my daughter ends up being? What about the girl who exists over the next year ago does remember graduation and talks about it excitedly?
That’s unfortunate. Children generally prosper more in a two parent household (assuming decent parents).
If a single person with a 4-year-old refuses to date then the child will never benefit from a two-parent household. Seems worse for the kid to me (again, assuming two decent people and not train-wrecks).
Research Shows Children Thrive in Married Parent Households
The evidence is clear, even if the punchline is uncomfortable: children are more likely to thrive— behaviorally and academically, and ultimately in the labor market and adult life—if they grow up with the advantages of a two-parent home. Numerous academic studies confirm that children raised in married parent homes are less likely to get in trouble in school or with the law; they are more likely to graduate high school and college; they are more likely to have higher income and be married themselves as adults. Research suggests that boys are especially disadvantaged by the absence of dads from their homes. These facts are indisputable. But there is disagreement among scholars about what to take away from them and what the policy implications are.
Some of these differences reflect the fact that parents who are married are already likely to be more successful and thus pass advantages down to their children. Those inclined to downplay the role of marriage often emphasize this point and conclude that we should thus not focus on marriage per se, but instead focus on shoring up government support to single-parent families. I disagree. We should be asking why it is that the most economically successful people in our society are so much more likely to be married and have the advantage of a spouse with whom to raise their children. - SOURCE
You don’t see the difference between co-parenting with a partner who’s just as invested in it as you are, and trying to court someone who’s got their own single life going on while juggling parenting duties? Huh.
How do you think you get from A → B if you (general “you”) find yourself single with a 4-year-old?
As a parent who dated when my son was 4. I agree with Whack-a-Mole.
You said that this is IMHO so it’s your opinion. My opinion is that your view is very destructive for the child. Those are the arguments of a helicopter parent enmeshed in their child’s life which is very unhealthy for them. Not only are those parents doing their children a disservice, it is emotional abuse.
Pre-k graduation is barely even a real thing. The kid won’t remember and they’re not actually graduating anything meaningful. 100% you go to the masters graduation. Surprised that this is even any kind of debate.
I’m genuinely very glad it worked out for you and your family. Meanwhile, I’ve got an inlaw with three (step)daughters, two of whom have kids and have been changing partners on a nearly annual basis. The saddest one was when one of them moved in (with her kids) with a guy who had three kids of his own; and after a year and a half of teaching the kids that they now have siblings, the partners split up. It’s incredibly selfish, and I feel absolutely terrible for those kids.
Cool. That has nothing to do with me though or any other single parent who’s dating so maybe spend more time worrying about your in-laws and less time waggling your finger and clucking your tongue at strangers on the internet.
FWIW I have seen many parents divorce while they had a toddler and repartner within a few years with those repartnerings turning into marriages that lasted until the kids outgrew coming to a pediatric practice anyway.
I do not know if either parent was a flaming asshole. In some cases I had my suspicions of one or the other …
Wait?! You assume it is always the situation that both parents want to coparent?
You don’t think it is healthy that in at least one house the child experiences love with two parent figures present?
I think that’s the problem with your positions. It seems you are assuming everyone else’s situation is the same as yours then judging us if we deviate from your norm.
The problem is that you’re rolling the dice. Children do better in a two parent household, but not in a household with one parent and a rotating cast of partners.
How many of the two parent homes in your cite are homes of one parent and one step-parent?
I think what your cite is talking about is the benefits to keeping the couple together to begin with, not with trying to pair the parents up with new partners and hoping the benefits come back.
Stepparent households are also far more likely to experience domestic and even more heinous abuse. So that’s another factor to consider.