How much “renovation” does turning a play room into a bedroom need anyway?
[ul]
[li]Buy cot[/li][li]Put cot in new bedroom[/li][li]Take other crap out of bedroom[/li][li]job done![/li][/ul]
Clearly I’m missing something here…
People that brag about how they would put a child in its place mmHMMM! are so pathetic.
It’s like a weird dominance thing with a creature 1/3 your size. Look out everybody, this person isn’t going to take no guff from a 4-year-old!
As for the OP, you’re just plain out of luck. Disciplining their little snowflake will not go over well in the end.
Shut up, I guess.
Personally, in that situation, the sentence I’d use would be
“hmm. You want to watch TV and I want to chat with your mum and dad. I wonder how we can both get what we want? Lets ask your daddy…”
If his solution is that you shut up for the TV, that’s when you say your polite goodbyes.
However, if they have their TV on randomly all day just 'cos, then they were raised by wolves in any case, and I hold out no hope for them.
I am good with this approach.
mmm
(imagining my parents' response to my 4-year-old self shushing them or their visitors) :D
I think there needs to be some slack given to the parents. Raising kids is a mighty difficult endeavor, one never entirely appreciated by those not in the throes of doing it. A new sibling was introduced into the household a month ago. This is one of the toughest situations to negotiate well. The parents are probably still totally exhausted. If the mother is nursing, her hormones are on overdrive. Yeah, some babies and kids are easy to raise. Others will push every button you have. I am sensing some animosity on the OP’s part. What difference does it make how they chose to fix up their dwelling to make accommodations for the changes in their family? Why not just choose to lead from a place of love and give them all the benefit of the doubt for a while? If you can’t visit and just be totally supportive and nonjudgmental, I would hold off visiting for a while. For all you know, your judgments are being registered unconsciously by all involved and that alone is leading to less-than-stellar behavior. That isn’t what these parents need from you right now.
It’s their house, their rules, and their business.
Have you considered addressing yourself to the GD instead of the parents?
“So sorry, I can see that this visit is inconvenient for you! We’re going to go for now, maybe we’ll stop by, after you’ve done watching your shows, or maybe another day!” (While standing and straightening your clothes and heading for your coat.)
Might be worth a shot, you might be surprised by everyone’s reactions. Especially the GD.
I should note that this behaviour has a history before the baby came. It has happened the last three times we were together.
The first time about 4 months ago in their home (which was just straight up just yelling at us). The second time about a month later in our own home (again, just yelling at us that we were being too loud. I ended up putting headphones on her, but she still thought we were too loud). The last time at their home again about 3 weeks ago, when we were more politely asked to be quiet.
There’s not so much animosity as there is frustration. I only offer the anecdotes as evidence of the parenting style. It makes not a whit of difference to me how they renovate their house. It’s just further evidence that the child very rarely hears the word “no”.
For instance (and you knew there’d be one), they had a two week run in the summer of near constant birthday parties for her friends. So off they’d go to buy a present for the toddler of the day. The goddaughter would pick out a present for her friend, and they’d wrap it up. However, before the big day, goddaughter would decide she wanted to keep the present. The parent’s solution was to allow her to keep the present, and go out and buy another. Eventually, they decided the best thing to do would be to only buy presents from a pool of items the goddaughter already owned so she wouldn’t want them.
My solution (as someone who does not have kids and is therefore an expert in all things parenting:D) would be to use it as a teachable moment for sharing and gift-giving.
The real issue is that we’re not able to enjoy visiting with our friends (including their daughters) because of this. But since A) we’re not parents and B) it’s not our kid, we don’t feel comfortable offering our opinion or suggestions especially when the behaviour has been endorsed by the parents. We disagree with the message the goddaughter is getting overall, but she ain’t our kid.
What the hell does this even mean? Are we creating imaginary hierarchies in our heads again?
If an 11-year-old requests that you retrieve an item for them just because they are too lazy to get off their ass to do it, how do you answer them?
If said 11-year-old makes this request from an adult guest, what do you say them in that case?
This is not that hard. Kids should not be bossing adults around. Politely or otherwise.
Whatever the other details, it strikes me that the parents erred in this case by allowing the daughter to reargue their original decision and get a better outcome. That seems like it would be fraught with undesirable consequences.
Mistake on the parents part. The kid is in for a rude awakening later on when she realizes it’s only her parents that gives in to her demands. I guess that’s what they mean when they say it takes a village to raise a child. Rough times ahead for the kid.
What does age have to do with it?
Actually, it’s worth bragging about. You see, it really is easier to let a kid do whatever a kid wants. Trust me. I’m very lazy by nature and it exhausted me to always be setting good examples and guiding and prepping and grooming my child, but it was worth it because I know that for the rest of my kid’s life, she knows how to carry herself with grace and class and she would always treat any guest in her home with honor.
I agree with you that there is nothing the OP can do about the situation…their house, their rules. That is one house that I wouldn’t want to visit going forward, though. Kill that noise. You can come visit me in my home, and I promise I will make the experience as comfortable for you as me and my family possibly can. But I can’t chill at your house with your kid running the show.
I notice you did not answer my questions.
If I’m supposed to treat a kid like I would an adult, then a kid who bosses me around will be cussed out. I will ask that brat who the fuck he thinks he is to tell me to do anything? And I’ll tell him to get the fuck out of my face and laugh when he starts crying.
But if I’m supposed to treat a kid tenderly and not cuss them out when they breach social rules, then that means I’m recognizing that kids are different than an adults. In other words, by given them special treatment, I am recognizing the age differential. It would only be fair, therefore, that they respect the age differential too. That means not talking to me any ole way.
Like I said, it ain’t that hard.
You would cuss out a family member that you live with for asking you to grab something?
In my family, we try our luck (“Hon, why don’t you go downstairs and grab me some chips and salsa. It’ll be fun!”) all the time. Most of the time the response is “Uh, did your arms fall off or something?”
No, I don’t. But what I might say to my siblings (“Is there something wrong with your legs, lazy-ass?”) would be inappropriate to say to a kid.
To a child, I’d say, “No, ma’am. You will march down there and get it yourself.”
But saying this to an adult would be both strange and rude.
Which is why I think it’s perfectly fine to treat adults and kids as totally different kinds of creatures.
Same here. I can’t believe that it stops there, either. Anyone who spoils the kid like this has gotta lack common sense across the board.
I know a couple like this who spoil their two kids, they’re also both wishy-washy morons and I think there’s a correlation. A 20 minute hike (at local park) with dad and two kids and I almost began subscribing to curlcoat’s newsletter.
Thank you. And you’re so right. People keep saying “you have to pick your battles” but honestly, something like this shouldn’t even be a battle. Teaching your kid to be thoughtful and hospitable towards household guests is basic and non negotiable. It’s up there with saying “please” and “thank you”.
The kid was rude in her request not because in how she asked it, but because she asked it in the first place. If she was an adult, my opinion would actually be no different. It smacks of self-centeredness to think your ability to hear the TV is more important than the comfort of family friends.
The OP is this kid’s godfather, and I don’t blame him for keeping an eye on how she’s being raised. If something happens to her parents, he very well might end up having to pick up where they left off. Lets hope tragedy doesn’t strike.
If you were to boss me around monstro, I would express my displeasure by kicking your ass. Then I would ask you if there was something wrong with your legs.