I really gotta preface this by saying I’m an atheist. But if there were a God… I was thinking the other night about the nitty gritty of being God, or a god.
If God is omnipotent and omniscient, how hard is that? Did God sweat building the universe? Does God worry about God’s creations?
Does God struggle with decisions? If not, does God really have choices at all?
Personally I think being God could be the cushiest slacker job ever. No boss, you set your own hours. Your decisions never have any adverse consequences, at least for you. You can decide to be a juggler God if you want, and run around hither and yon intervening in whatever you want, or you can like settle back on the sofa and watch the show.
I’d be very hands on. And I would make sure I had lots of arms. I wouldn’t tolerate any of that arguing over what my thoughts were by my worshippers, either.
If I were God we’d all be shiny blue anthropomorphic and fast hedgehogs with Chozo power suits, and Phasors who have to save Hyrule from Darth Vader and his pack of force sensitive marauding T-Rexs by going through the Stargate to get mushrooms that cause giganticism. Should the Stargate fail to work there would be back ups in the form of Megazords, and warp drive ships.
Somewhere down the line, you’d start demanding more from your creation. Eventually, all that stuff would become mundane, and you’d be forever pushing yourself to top it.
Dude I’d be God, all knowing and junk. So I’d always know how to make it more awesome. However granting freewill and all I would create the “Are you there God?, It’s me Margret, and let’s talking about our feelings” planet for those who didn’t want to participate in the ninjas vs secret agents crusade.
I’d do what Lewis Black said God did. In the Old Testament I’d be a jealous sadist, an absolute brown hat, smiting people and casting down plagues, always saying it’s for their own good, but reminding them it’s finally all about Me.
Then I’d have a kid and really get mellow, be a God of peace and love and justice and such shit.
Yes, being omnipotent I could do anything, including creating a universe where that isn’t a contradiction. In that universe I shall store my my burrito, and wall as well.
I think God is on the couch watching the show in horror. He created us and when we get out of hand he pushes the button and starts over. “Game Over” flashes across the screen and then he starts over to see if he can get a little more out of us. I think our technology is all that is saving us at the moment. He wants to see if we can cure the common ills before we destroy the world in the process and ourselves.
If we go with the omniscient/omnipotent definition of a “god,” I’d be a serious smiter. Rains of burning coals, earthquakes, lightning bolts, thunderous proclamations from a blood red sky, a " free preview" of my “Hell” for the truly evil (for anyone who doubts or defies me, actually) so that they may repent. Either that, there’d be a shitload more newts about than we have now, and none of this “I got better” stuff.
Hell, I’d be on Letterman/Leno once a month telling the world in exacting detail just how they’ve recently disappointed me, and then I’d go on WWE for the Feats of Strength.
None of this “absentee parent” bullshit we got now.
This I like. A visible God. No burning bush mysteries, or words in the heads of guys with straggly beards and hygiene issues. A God who offers proof, clarity, and certainty of the consequences of sin.
This is a tricky one, namely because the whole omniscience/omnipresence thing would be difficult to mantle and still remain…you, what with the finite limits of the human brain. But assuming that this obstacle could be overcome…
I’d try and be an ‘explaining’ god. A god that interferes, even for the better, could lead to cultural and technological stagnation. Futurama puts it well in Godfellas, Bender becomes a god to a race of little people who attach themselves to his body. At first he interferes, but then they rely on him too much. Since necessity is the mother of invention, your wards would have no reason to develop.
So while curing all disease and getting rid of natural disasters, I’d make it clear how and why I did it. I’d try and compensate for my interference by sharing the knowledge that comes with omniscience.
There’s also the free will thing, but this is flawed in the current system, assuming a god exists. The current system is effectively ‘might makes right’, the stronger can impose his will over the weaker, unless society and the rule of law interferes. So I’d probably extend an inviolate protection over children - anyone attempting harm would experience a rather stern visit from my corporal form. So…explanation, advancement and protection. I’d shun any form of worship or obedience, as there are better things to do.
Well, as I’m not a greedy God (being God, I’m kinda above petty, Earthly needs), I don’t demand sacrifices of grain, cattle or virgins, so I’m not stealing the “sweat of Adam’s brow.” And my people, my Creation, still has free will, and can still choose between Good and Evil, and act as they desire. I mean, I don’t even demand a day of rest/prayer in My name; I reckon my People work hard enough, so their time off is their’s to do with as they please.
Hell, I’m being benevolent by stating clearly and unambiguously what’s Righteous and what’s Not, and throwing some serious warnings around when one of My Flock begins to stray.
But come their day of Judgement, the one thing they cannot say is, “I didn’t know.” And MY Heavenly Kingdom will seriously ROCK!!! 72 virgins and rivers of milk and honey? That’s for pikers.
And if my People, my Creation, doesn’t like it, they can go and make their own damned Universe to live in. I figure if they can do that, what the hell do they need me for? I can knock off, kick back on a nice beach somewhere (just FYI, the most beautiful beach in My Creation is on the 2nd moon of Beteguese V), and get blitzed on Margaritas for the rest of Eternity.
It’s My Universe, I Made it, My rules (basically the Ten Commandment, w/o #2, #3, and #4, but with “As ye sow, so shall you reap threefold” added in).
God Hath Spoken; let it be Written, let it be Done.
Yup. 'Cause sometimes, the whole “lightning from the sky” thing just doesn’t satisfy a wratful god the way a good whack upside some child molester’s head with an aluminum baseball bat will.