The only power you don’t get is infallibility. But, if you think you got something wrong, you can always re-do it and make everybody forget the initial screwup.
You can be as hands-on or as hands-off as you want. You can make everybody certain you exist, or certain you don’t, or give out free will to choose.
You can make sweet tarts the healthiest thing on the planet (my personal first act), with tobacco next. You can make everything that tastes good actually BE good.
Oops, one other restriction. You can’t make other Gods to be your peers or replacements.
You start with the universe as it is today. But if you wanted, you could crush it back into a wad of well, whatever, and start from scratch.
Would you do it? What are your plans if you would?
First thing, see if I can make that burrito so hot that even I can’t eat it.
I might give it a try, assuming it wouldn’t be a literally 24/7 job. I would start with being a benevolent god, helping old ladies cross the street and such.
This would last about a week.
“…And on the seventh day, the smiting did begin”
I would probably get bored at some point, and quit, with a clause to take care of needs afterwards. I would also spend a lot of time being inconsistent and messing with peoples’ heads and random miracles.
I think I’d turn it down. I’d miss the equality of women. To all of a sudden reduce the entire human population of which I was formerly a part of to now nothing more significant then an intelligent pet would be very sad.
Which is a shame because before I got that far I had a wicked joke about no more virgin births. If they want my seed they’ll have to earn it.
Who says you aren’t? As Og, wouldn’t you be tempted to see what life on earth really felt like from time to time throughout the ages? You could decree you are anyone, make it binding for the lifetime of that person, and wipe your memories from your mind during that period. Of course, if Og was amongst us now that way, I’d truly pity the powers that be once that lifetime was over with…
“And the weather tonight will be very chilly with a 90% chance of smiting…”
You could certainly change your own mind to make yourself comfortable about being God – but I can see not wanting to give up your very identity in ecxhange for the power.
Fortunately for Gods, power corrupts, so discomfort would over time turn to comfort and even contempt.
And it would be amusing to, say, make the moon bounce up and down in time to whatever music was playing on MTV, and see what kind of naturalistic explanation the pitiful humans would come up with to explain it.
Oh my, yes. I’d be God in a heartbeat, and I’d be a horrible one at that. I always thought Pangaea was such a marvelous idea and that we never really should have gotten away from it…
Could I be the kind of God that can come to earth in human form and fuck human women? Like Zeus? If so, then yeah, I’d do it. But I don’t think I’d be that good of a God because I’d spend all my time coming down to earth and fucking women. Would they bear half-God children, if they got pregnant?
In between fucking women, I’d amuse myself in various ways. Like, I would have all the animals in the world attack all the humans in the world for one day. Or I’d make all the new Mustangs turn into 1967 Mustangs, and all the new Suburbans turn into 1970 International Harvester Travelalls, and all the Jeep Grand Cherokees turn into Grand Wagoneers.
I would move everyone out of California and give the entire state to the Indians. The important centers of film production and all that shit would be relocated to Florida.
I would give all members of the New York Yankees super powers, like the ability to turn invisible, walk through walls, and stop snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. I would make Jon Voight the president of the United States, and Denzel Washington the secretary of defense.
Hell yes I would. The population of the earth would instantly become color blind; the entire earth would be bountiful; starvation and disease would be eliminated and the entire thing would work like a perfect commune. There would be free love and nickel beer; when things were humming smoothly along, I’d take a long vacation somewhere in the South Pacific.
And, the first politician to mention my name would be smitten with absolute fury as would any one who attempted to establish an organized religion. I’m God, remember; I don’t want anyone to attempt to explain my motives because no mortal can comprehend them. So there.
I’m not certain if I dislike people too much (plagues, floods, etc), or if I like people too much (not sending plagues, floods, etc–which are so richly deserved).
But either way, I just don’t have what it takes.
Now, if I were offered one of the old Pagan Gods’ gigs–Zeus, Thor, Apollo, etc, I’d give it some serious thought.
First act would be to have compromising photos of people who claim to speak in my name show up in every newsroom on the planet. Next would be lightning strikes on political leaders who say something incredibly stupid.
Then, I’d pick some worthy soul (You know, someone who’s a decent human being but just happens to be gay/handicapped/sexually promiscuous/or similar behaviour which is unpopular with the nutters, but harms no one.) and have them give the world my 10 Commandments 2.0. These would be the following:
1.) There will always be people in this world who disagree with you. Get over it.
2.) One who refuses to use the brain that I gave them is an abomination and should be shunned.
3.) You can be too rich or too thin.
4.) I made sex fun for a reason, but for My sake, if nothing else, use birth control, damn it!
5.) If I don’t care what consenting adults do to one another, why should you?
6.) I do not belong to any political party or organization.
7.) There’s nothing wrong with naked boobies. Nothing.
8.) The Bible is a work of fiction and you’d be better off spending your time reading The Origin of Species by my homie Darwin.
9.) I don’t “do” miracles like appearing on tortillas, underpasses, or anything else. That’s Elvis’s schtick.
10.) All these worlds are yours, save Europa. Attempt no landing there.
11.) Fnord.
