As fruitful as this is, it isn’t doing a damn thing to solve the problem being discussed. It’s making her feel better, but not changing the way she’ll be treated next time.
Depends on how you look at it, I guess. You’re right, we didn’t change the world with our discussion here on this message board. However, if after starting this thread and reading the responses, relic_11 is better able to either accept the mistreatment or stand up for herself, than I would say it wasn’t a waste. Wouldn’t you?
Never said it was a waste, just that it didn’t solve the problem.
Sometimes its appropriate to treat the symptom, sometimes its appropriate to cure the disease. Now, we’re treating the symptom. Maturity bespeaks of curing the disease.
Um, isn’t this what The Pit is for?
Omniscient, Whining in quotation marks, signifying I was being scarcastic. Sorry if I wasn’t clear. I don’t think those were really examples of whining, I was trying to point out that being mad that you’re being discriminated against really shouldn’t be considered whining. Incedentaly, I have been discriminated against because of my jewish background, and female nature, in addition to my age. That doesn’t give me leave to whine, but to be angry? I think so.
1000 points for the accidental pun of the week.
The only thing that age has brought me is a respect and perverse appreciation for the shit that life will throw at you when you’re not expecting it, the realization that I don’t know myself (or others) half as well I thought I did, and that I’m not nearly as smart as I think I am.
Other than that, young and old, all of us are in the same boat: We don’t know what the fuck we’re doing and we’re faking it 90% of the time. I’ve always thought, “Well, I’ll know what I’m doing when I’m X years old.” Now that I’m considerably older, I realize how wrong I was. I still don’t know what I’m doing!
Your OP is no different than most of the good rants here: a certain segment of the population are acting like creeps, to your unjust detriment and inconvenience. No argument there! The generational battle has been going on since Ancient Greece (if not earlier); welcome to the war, rookie!
The problem, looking at the OP, was that relic_11 was upset that she didn’t get fair treatment from those around her.
According to your first post, the mature thing to do would be either:
- Accept it as a fact of life
- Stand up for yourself
If, after this discussion, relic_11 is better able to do either of those things, then has she not gained this maturity that you speak of? What other solution were you looking for?
LOL. . .(I live less than an hour away. . .not much there besides the U of I).
But seriously, I agree with the OP. Teenagers take a lot of crap. It is an especially hard time in our lives, so please try not to make it any harder. We really would appreciate it.
NOTE: I do realize that other groups do get treated badly, but because the Jews were killed and the blacks were enslaved, does that mean that it doesn’t matter if any other groups have it rough?
Is there no-one else out there to whom this gives pause?
That’s the part of all this,
not that she’s 18,
not that they’ll be separated,
not that he’s in the Navy,
not that they haven’t experienced life enough, (marriage isn’t a life experience?)
I hope, Relic, that somewhere in the previous 2+ years, you saw a lot of each other in a day-in, day-out kind of way.
'Cause IME it’s the little stuff that’ll do you (both, as a couple) in as quickly as almost anything.
Having said that, best of luck to you both.
wireless, the previous two years was almost entirely “day in, day out” togetherness. We’ve been through that “Honey, do you MIND not doing that?!” stage back when we were friends. We’ve given up habits for each other (Him, smoking and drinking, me, well, I was kinda prissy. And other things I won’t get into!) It’s not like we don’t fight, either. We HARDLY ever fight, but we’ve gotten into some fun, screaming fights. In the end, we end up laughing at ourselves and each other, and admit we’re both right- and wrong. Thats healthy, ain’t it? We’re not perfect, but we help each other through problems, and never give up. I think we have a really strong relationship.
Just thought I’d add my two cents on the “getting married young” debate going on. I’m young (22), have been married for 6 months (it’s going great, thanks), and my husband is a marine engineer in the Navy. Formerly a submariner in the Royal Navy, now in the Merchant Navy. He spends six months of the year at sea. It’s not easy being parted that much, but it does keep the romance very much alive, and we never take each other for granted. He’s off to sea before we get to chance!
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I can’t help but feel a bit of resentment about the comments people make about getting married at a young age without knowing the whole situation. True, sometimes it doesn’t work out. But then again a LOT of marriages don’t – not just the ones when people got married young. Sometimes there IS a good reason why people need to get married a bit young. Sometimes they just do it because they feel in their heart that it’s right. Granted, my situation is a little different: we got married because it was the only way we could be together. We come from different countries, and HM Immigration doesn’t recognise unmarried partners. Now, we did everything we could to be together without getting married. I had to fight immigration to get over here as a student for two years (they knew I had a boyfriend here, and assumed I had sinister intentions). Now that my days as a student are coming to an end, the choice was either a) get married or b) go back to being in a heart-breaking long distance relationship until we got married. Fortunately, the two years we lived together (plus one year before then, in a long-distance relationship) were enough to convince us that we were right for each other, and we married without hesitation.
I realise that my case is a bit of a special excepion. But to set the moral guideline that no one should get married before their mid-twenties is, while perhaps fine for the average lucky couple who don’t have to worry about how they’re going to be together, unrealistic and unnecessary in other circumstances – and my case is far from unique. Normally, knowing that my case is a little different than those generally referred to when people say “Don’t do it!!”, I keep my mouth shut and stay out of it. After all, under ‘normal’ circumstances we would have quite happily waited much much longer to be wed. But, as I said, there are cases where this guideline does not apply. And those people should not have to plead their case to the moral majority.
Another example: a good friend of mine (same age as myself) recently discovered that she is pregnant, and she has decided to marry her long-term boyfriend very suddenly. Why? Because she won’t have medical coverage for herself and the baby unless she marries her partner (even though she works at the same company). Knowing the rest of her situation but slightly doubtful of the very long-term outcome of this marriage, I nevertheless considered this a perfectly acceptable reason – possibly one of the best ones I’ve heard in such cases. I don’t judge her. I think she’s probably making the best decision she could in her situation.
Anyway, I understand these sitations may differ from other young people considering marriage – but please don’t condemn the young people who do decide to marry and declare that all such marriages inevitably fail. I personally have no such intentions for my marriage; I love my husband dearly and have never regretted the sacrifices I had to make in order for us to be together (and they were many). All of us have our own experiences to go through in life, whether good or bad, and for some of us marriage at a relatively young age and/or to a military spouse is one of them.
As for the periods of separation – military and merchant navy (and other kinds of) spouses accept this as a reality of the relationship, young or otherwise. And believe me, the separation isn’t all bad, there are a lot of benefits to it as well. It’s just part of the lifestyle.
Wow, Nimue, thanks for sharing that with us. Personaly, it was moving. And you reminded me, my soon-to-be sister-in-law was in a simalar situation, and her husband is career Navy, they have a happy and loving marrige, and two wonderful kids. I’v had the pleasure of meeting some of David’s married Navy friends, and they told us that it can be hard, but well worth it if you truly love each other. Which is true of any marrige, isn’t it? Just this type more than most. I feel we’re up to the challenge.
relic_11, I’m glad you enjoyed my post. Yes, being a military/merchant navy spouse is a difficult thing, and I don’t deny that I do get lonely here from time to time, particularly with my family and friends being thousands of miles away. However, the career has its perks too. E.g. although my husband is away 6 months of the year, he’s also home six months of the year – and when he’s home, he’s 100% mine!! Not just evenings and weekends, and no job stress or other work-related commitments, just all mine. Plus the romance factor that I mentioned, and not taking each other for granted. We very much appreciate the time we have together, and make as much of it as we can ‘quality time’. And what can be better than a gorgeous husband in uniform?! 
Best of luck with your relationship and future marriage; it will not always be easy for you but it will provide you with invaluable life experience and it will strengthen your heart.
Uniform’s!!! God, I love that uniform!
(ahem)
Nimune, out of curiosity, is your Hubby gone for a full six months, and home for a full six months? Thats kinda nicer than our broken up time together.
BTW, glad you two are happy, God Bless you both.
relic_11, it depends on the job. (In the merchant navy, it’s common for officers to switch jobs regularly.) He used to be three months on/three months off. Since May he’s been month on/month off, although it looks like he may be on an extra two weeks this trip.
It’s hard to say which way is easier. As with the whole situation, there are up sides and down sides with each amount of time on/time off. I do like his current job very much because the communication is GREAT (phone calls every day and unlimited e-mail), but unfortunately after this trip he’s switching ships again and we have no idea what the next one will be like. We anticipate it will be two months on/two months off, which is good in terms of visiting my family (we’ll be able to stay more than two weeks), but bad because no other ship in the fleet has as good communication as the one he’s on now. (We’ve really been spoiled with this ship! :()
Relic_11, there’s a FoxTrot comic that rebuts eveyone’s comments on your early marriage perfectly. To all the people who are saying she should have more life experience before she marries her bf:
I’ll quote it as well as I can. Peter (who is 16) is breaking up with his long-time girlfriend. His mother asks him why and he explains he wants to have freedom to date other women. “I mean, I’ll never know the anticipation of thinking, before a date “is she going to be the ONE?” Instead, I’ll just be stuck with her.”
(sorry if I retold that badly)
Circa 1976, National Lampoon (paraphrase):
“Kids today. They don’t respect their elders. They dress funny. And their music – it’s just noise!”
Enjoy your youth. Just don’t forget to grow up (and I don’t mean that as an insult in anyway).
Oliver: I intend to grow up (to the extent that I haven’t already). The end result, however, will probably not be what you expected.
For all intents and purposes, I AM grown up. I’m just not as experienced as some.