Goddamit Josh! What you doing! [GROSS]

The BBQ Pit
1

Last night my brother and I get take out from the Mexican place. With the order, came a bag of tortilla chips. Their chips are great. Now thanks to you, Josh, I will probably never eat another.

This morning I come back to our folks place (Where Josh lives, and where we ate our feast). I see the chips sitting where they were when I left the night before. Great, I’ll munch on the chips while I do laundry and chit-chat on the phone. I enjoy the chips, and go back home.

Later in the day, I come back to pick up my brother for a ride up to richmond. I’m in the room with the chips and decide to grab one or two while Josh is getting ready. Still tasty…Hmm…Some of these chips are stuck together with a yellow substance…WTF?.. There also seems to be…a old style movie ticket in there as well…Dear god no…!

I spit a chewed up chip all over the table as Josh walks in.

“Josh! These chips?!”
“I knocked them off the table last night.”
“You hocked in there too!!!”
“So?”
“Why didn’t you throw the motherfuckers away!?!?”
“I crumpled up the bag.”
“Listen, fuckface: the goddamn bag wasn’t crumpled for shit. The bag, with chips inside, was sitting in the same place it was when I left last night. Except now it has snot and trash in it!”
“I don’t see what you’re so upset about.”
“Bitch, you just lit a fuse.”

This goes on for a while with much cursing. He manages a half-assed apology. I keep yelling till I get a more sincere one. I also do a bit of bit of dry heaving. Nothing comes up because I’ve had time to fully digest the contaminated chips from the morning. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckey-fuck-fuck.

Fuck you Josh. Fuck you who wont drink after anyone. Fuck you who wipes down the phone receiver if anyone (even your family) used it right before you. Fuck you who flew off the handle just last night when I play coughed in your direction from a room away. Fuck you who is too goddamn lazy to throw toxic-fucking-waste into a trash bag no less than 5 feet away. Hitler would have thrown the shit away. Pol Pot, Mao, and Stalin would have as well. But no, not you. For shame you shitheal.

I should note that I found out later in the day that you didn’t understand at first that I had ate the chips. I guess that little detail was lost in all the yelling. I forgive you a bit for your flip reaction. However, I’m still 95% pissed: you’ve scarred me for life.

2

I have come to the sad conclusion that the words “gross”, “TMI”, and “insects” have magnets attached to them. SilkyThreat Magnets [sub][sup]TM[/sub][/sup].

That was pretty nauseating, but at least you didn’t eat a damn bug. Not only would I have vomited up my intestines sitting right here at the computer, but I’d have choked to death by trying to scream while doing so.

How you kept from beating him to death with his own appendages is beyond me.

Why I keep opening these kinds of threads is beyond me.

3

I would have rather ate a bug. Bugs don’t come out of my brother’s lungs. Also, I’d probably know what was up the second I ate a bug. In this case I came back for seconds. :eek:

Also, my brother is apparantly coming down with a cold. Fuck me.

4

Way back during middle school, one of the girls in the carpool was out sick one day. Her mother came to pick the rest of us up since it was her turn and we found a box of shredded wheat breakfast cereal in the back seat. We checked with the mom that it was OK to munch a bit and then proceeded to enjoy our after-school snack.

The next day when we were all back together we thanked the girl for the cereal. She responded with “That box in the back seat?” “Oh yes”, we replied. “It was very good.” She said, “You ate that?” We hesitate, “um… yes. Why are you laughing?”

This girl owned a horse and had given some of the cereal to him earlier in the week. He apparently wasn’t hungry and only mouthed the stuff so she put it all BACK IN THE BOX for him to eat another day.

Fortunately for us we decided to not get ill over a little dried up horse slobber (the cereal wasn’t wet when we ate it). We found out a whole day after the event, so it’s not like there was anything to do about it anyway. Of course if we had been told at the time I’m sure much spitting and swearing would have occured.

My sympathies to the OP.

5

A FOAF works at a chinese store. Across the street from the store is a small Chinese restaurant, which has one of those little 25-cent “rides” (a horse, a space shuttle, or something similar) out front.

There’s a Chinese kid, age 5 or so, riding the ride, eating out of a small bowl of noodles. While eating, kid sneezes. Noodle comes out of his nose.

Kid, noticing this, sucks the noodle into his mouth and slurps it!!! :eek:

Now this is a third-hand story, but neither the first or second hands is particularly prone to making stuff up, so it may very well have happened. Either way, it’s really fucking gross, so I felt like I had to share it here. :smiley:

6

Good grief, KKBattousai, that was worse than the OP, which was bad enough. Ewwwww! You guys…WHY do I read this? Why? Sheesh, Keymain, at least it wasn’t stuff from the nether regions, eh?

7

I didn’t think the nose-noodle was so bad. At least it came from his own nose. Kids that age eat their own boogers, don’t they?

8

Oh god, KKB: that’s the only thing I’ve read in this thread that’s given me problems.

Spoiler for the squeamish:

There was one daily strip of Fox Trot wherein Jason proudly announced, “I tied all my spaghetti strands together to make one long string! Now I can suck it all down at once!” In the last panel, his offscreen voice crows, “Cool! I can pull it back out!” :barfing smiley:

When my nephew was a toddler, my sister was very cavalier about letting him spit things out. Once we were in McD’s, and she let him deposit a rejected bite of cheeseburger in her hand. In plain view, while I was sittiing across from them. Then she couldn’t understand why I didn’t finish my burger. (I did manage the fries.)

Another time, in their house, I reached into a bag of Pepperidge Farm Milanos, and made contact with a MASTICATED Milano. Argh!

9

Yeah, but I guess when you’re a parent, and you’ve been pooped on, peed on, puked on, etc etc…a little chewed up cheeseburger isn’t that big of a deal.

10

I understand, Guin. But I had to LOOK at that shit!

And putting a chewed cookie back into the bag? The thing is with Nephew, he never really learned to live in society, and this is how it started.

11

Well, ask, and Cecil will provide. I was wondering what to do with this little tidbit of information - and here this thread is. Whilst fooling around and bugging my fiancé last night (just a little before bed pestering, you know), I accidentally licked my cat’s nose. I don’t know who was more surprised - her or me.

Oh yeah, this reminds me of something I saw at Pizza Hut one afternoon. This guy and his 10 yo (or so) daughter were having pizza, the daughter uses the shaker of parmesan cheese on the table, then she FREAKIN’ LICKS THE TOP AND PUTS IT BACK ON THE TABLE!!! It had never occurred to me before that the condiments I use in restaurants might have been LICKED by previous customers. {blech}

12

Some people are raised by wolves. This is the conclusion I’m coming to.

I work with developmentally disabled people. Bless their hearts, they are like kids, some of them. I could tell TMI stories, but I won’t. Suffice it to say, I have developed a very strong stomach. However, I just see things that would make your toes curl. And I know what to expect, so it’s really not that bad. I’d take it ANY day over what the OP experienced. That is just freakin’ sick. I am feeling queasy here, just thinking about it. My sincerest sympathies!

I had a coworker (in the cubicle thingie next to me) who spat in his trashcan. A lot. I could see him hawking up loogies from the corner of his eye. The head of the dept. asked him to stop. He didn’t see what the big deal was. I thought it was gross. Granted, I didn’t have to change the trash, but I felt sorry for the guy who did.

13

featherlou, I can top that.

I was in a greasy-spoon many many years ago, and I observed the most horrible couple I’ve ever seen. They were engaged in a heated argument, and blithely ignored their toddler, who was amusing herself with a bottle of catsup. She sucked on that thing for all she was worth, and had catsup all over the place, in her hair, smeared all over her arms, everywhere. I guess the parents figured that she was at least being quiet. This went on for an eternity, and I was completely revolted at the spectacle. I was relieved when the horrid trio made their exit, and watched sympathetically as the waitress came by to clean up. My sympathy vanished when I saw what she did with the catsup-bottle: Although she had had plenty of opportunity to observe where the bottle had been for the last half-hour, she merely wiped the mess off of the outside of the bottle, and set it back on the table. I’m sure that the contents were about ten-percent spittle.

Keymain, you need to wait a safe amount of time and prepare a special conciliatory meal for your brother, who should be raised in a barrel and fed through the bunghole, by the sounds of it.

I recommend something with plenty of hollandaise.[ul]**Keymain: ** D’ya like it?
**Josh: **Yeah.
**Keymain: ** No, d’ya really like it?[/ul]:wink: