Who has innocently eaten something gross?

One night in my 17th year, we had spaghetti for dinner. A little while later I was hungry again, as teenagers are wont to be, and served myself another bowl from the fridge.
I heated it up in the microwave, and enjoyed it. Halfway through it I discovered a dead June bug, sizzling merrily in it’s own juices.
It had apparently flown into the spaghetti at some point before it got put away, and burrowed in.
Needless to say, I didn’t finish the snack, but at least it was cooked!


VB
I’ve performed a complete diagnosis of your car. It’s broken.

  • A Wally original!

I was 17, and I was dating this…

Wait a sec, wrong board.

Ate a mosquito once. I yawned, it flew in, I closed my mouth, and CRUNCH.

I’m also a vegetarian, but I doubt you were talking about the 16 years I ate meat…


“I go on guilt trips a couple of time a year. Mom books them for me.” A custom made Wally .sig!

My iguana's sick.
He's all floppy. Could he have
Reptile dysfunction?
                  -Chef Troy, Haiku Master

Ooh, this is my forté.

I went approximately 5 years before I could eat cold cereal again after, at the age of 8, not noticing a moth and its wriggling white offspring in my bowl of Cookie Crisp until it was too late. Mommy moth apparently chewed her way into the box and thought the young’ns could use some nutritious grub (particularly bad pun in this context) when they came around. Anyway, I only managed two spoonfuls before I noticed a live moth flutter out of the box and into the kitchen, and then the strange little things crawling around in the bowl. Not sure how many of the wormy things I ingested, but it’s a moot point as I quickly expunged my stomach contents all over the table.

Unfortunately, this didn’t scar me as much as it should have. I went through a brief phase as a punk-ass teenager in which I would eat just about anything for small monies on a dare. A dried up wad of cotton candy found on the ground at Great Adventure for $5, the warm leftover contents of a cup of beer found at a bowling alley for $2, and various other tasteless treats. I did experience a fit of jealousy in college, when I heard about some guy that licked the hardwood floor of a frat house, end to end, for a fairly pittant sum. But by then, my iron stomach had left me, so I let him have his moment in the sun.

Oh, and I’m told I once downed an entire can of wood stain at the age of 2, when my parents left me unsupervised for about half a second while fixing up some old coffee tables. Gee, thanks guys. I could’ve turned out weird because of that.

I’m a big fan of stale popcorn. I’ll make a batch of popcorn, and often leave it in the bowl and eat the rest the next morning. I did this once with a batch that was made in a paper grocery bag. After eating a few handfuls, I wondered what that funny feeling was on my hand. I looked down, and there were ants all over my hands & the popcorn.

An even better story happened to my ex and another friend of mine. The were working with a construction crew, and one day the boss’s kids and wife showed up with some food for everyone for lunch. One of the things they brought was some fig newton like cookies. At the end of the lunch, there were a few fig newtons left, and the boss was handing them out to people just to get rid of them. He offered one to his son, and his son refused. He offered again, and still his son wouldn’t take one. He finally asked what was up, and his son said “There’s worms on them.”

My friend Kris took the one she had in her hand, and broke it open. There were four maggots inside. Everyone was a little queasy for the rest of the day.

There’s a store in Pismo Beach, CA that sells tequila pops with the worm in them, cricket lollipops, and other bug-themed goodies. I ate one of the cricket pops (cricket and all) on a dare. I wish I could tell you what it tasted like, but I was very drunk at the time – I don’t actually remember consuming the cricket, but I was told the next day that I did.


TMR
Thou shalt resist the Olson Twins.

Hey, I’ve got one!

I was visiting some friends while in college. (Now college guys, if you didn’t know, tend not to be the most fastidious of folks.)

Anyway, I was cooking up a burger for supper, and then realized that there were no buns in the house. So I found some loaf bread on top of the 'fridge and slapped the burger between a couple of pieces of that.

On my THIRD bite, I happened to look a little more closely ate the bread…and all the tiny little wiggly things crawling around on it… MMMMMMMMM! Maggot sandwich!

Let’s see now. A mealworm in a Reeces(sp?) Cup when I was a kid. I bit into it, and there it was, waving at me and saying “What’s up?”

The first time I ate shrimp, I was with my mom. She had to tell me to spit out the tail that I was trying to eat. (In my defense, the whole thing was batter-dipped, and I was young. No older than 29. Definitely.)

My friends have been known to play a game called To The Pain. You go to someplace nice and nasty, like say, Pancho’s all you can eat buffet. Everyone sits at the table and eats. And eats. And eats. You cannot leave the table for any reason, except to get more food to eat. Apparently, one guy bazooka barfed on the window. Ummm, he lost.


You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

I read somewhere, of course now that it matters I can’t remember, that a person eats an average of eight spiders in a lifetime. You say no way? Apparently we do it in our sleep. The little boogers crawl in the mouth and get…well, you get my point.
Yummy.
Yeah, I’m real careful to sleep with my mouth shut…
Oh, grossest thing I ever ate? A big ol’ mouthful of butter. Yep. A stick on a plate sitting right next to the plate with the little piece of lemon maragne(?) pie. Wrong plate.
Gives new meaning to ‘watch what you eat.’

When I was in grade eleven my friend at I were at her christmas work party, hanging out in the lobbyish area by the dining room. My friend said to these two guys that I do anything I’m dared to, so naturally I was dared. The dare was simple: drink the warm cup of beer that had been used as an ashtray.

Yumm.

I’ve also grown up with a tendency to lick things. You know, like windows, sidewalks, or those things you use to push the garbage down.


“Organs gross me out. That’s organs, not orgasms.”
-the wallster

Well, there was the time when my dad was stationed in the Philippines, and one morning before school, I got myself a bowl of cereal. I was about 13 at the time. I thought it seemed crunchier than usual, and finally noticed about halfway through the bowl that some of the ‘cereal’ was swimming!! I think they were tiny weevils or something, didn’t look any further, just dumped it out, and ran to the bathroom and was a bit ill, shall we say.
Yecccchhhhhhhh!!! :frowning:

Of course, I think that VB wasn’t talking about stuff like liver. Shudder Nassssty sssstuffff, that!

You are more than a human being, you are a human becoming.
Og Mandino

That’s my name, not a description. I am neither purple nor a bear. Okay, so I’m purple.<a true Wally original!>

In my early college years, I and my roomies went through a silly little phase where we all chewed tobacco.

We had community ‘chew spit bottles’ throughout the dorm room – 2-liter bottles filled to the brim.

40-ounce beer bottles were also used. As in brown glass bottles. As in, can’t see the contents inside.

You guessed it. One night while drinking 40s, I accidently tipped the wrong bottle. I got a mouthful of everyone’s chew spit. Fortunately, I didn’t swallow.

I then went to the toilet, knelt down and spent the next 15 minutes talking myself down from ralphing.


Give me immortality, or give me death!

Silly me to not mention the walnut incident.

One night when I was twelve or so, my family was sitting around eating nuts when suddenly my dad spits out the walnut he just poured into his mouth. We all look at him wondering what that was all about when we see maggots on his tongue! Ewwwwww!! That whole nut was just packed with the little bastards, and all but a few were thrown into the back of my dad’s throat.

Needless to say, we’re not the biggest fans of walnuts anymore.


“Organs gross me out. That’s organs, not orgasms.”
-the wallster

I don’t have a report of my own to make, thank god, but Athena’s story reminded me of a Beverly Cleary book from childhood. I forget which one, but in it Ramona, after various misadventures, ends up having an impromptu party with her little friends at which Fig Newtons are served. She makes several of them cry and all of them refuse to eat by telling them that Fig Newtons are actually filled with worms. Life imitating art?


MST3K: Best lil’ puppet show on the planet.

Yes maggots are gross. This story contains no maggots. Thank God.

When arriving in Washington, Missouri for my brother’s wedding a few years ago, my cousins made a burger run. They come back with everyone’s orders (mine wasn’t included - I got there too late), plus one extra burger. They see that I’ve just shown up, look at each other, and offer me the other burger. I open it up from its shiny-wrap wrapping and pull out the pickles. If only I had eaten only the pickles… I get about three bites into when I notice that my cousins are trying their damnest to keep from laughing out loud. I inquire as to their stiffled guffaws, and they lose it. They’re rolling on the floor, clutching their stomachs, laughing their asses off. When they finally come to, they explain to me that I’m not eating just any hamburger. I’m eating a cow brain hamburger. At least I was eating a cow brain hamburger…

Connor


Sala, can’t you count?!? I said NO camels! That’s FIVE camels!

I almost forgot about the time in my bedroom when I was thirsty. Being too lazy to go get a glass of water, I drank from my plant watering can. Not only did I get my water, but also a live roach that had been hiding in the spout.


VB
I’ve performed a complete diagnosis of your car. It’s broken.

  • A Wally original!

Uh. Isn’t that REALLY dangerous? Who made this burger? Where did they get it?

Well, my worst story is plain compared to what we’ve heard so far.

One week-end, alone at the office (the life of a DBA), I raided the kitchen and found a left-over slice of pizza from a pizza party a couple of days ago. Me being a red-blooded programmer, I took a big bite without sticking it in the microwave. But the taste was not up to the usual level of excellence of our local pizza hut, and a closer look revealed tiny white dots all over the pizza, which I guessed to be mold.

But hey, mold is good for you, right? It’s penicillin!

Does this include the spider eggs used to make Bubble Yum? Oh, wait, nevermind…

Ah, come on. I’ve chomped on sticks of margarine like they were candy bars at times when I had no other food in the house and didn’t feel like leaving to buy any. Perhaps it’s an acquired taste.

Ummmm, not to hijack my own thread, but skingraftat75mph, does your name come from having parted company with your bike at highway speed?

VB
I’ve performed a complete diagnosis of your car. It’s broken.

  • A Wally original!