One afternoon, I was walking around New York City with my husband and we stopped into a bar. They provided us drinks and a little plate of some sort of munchies. I picked up what I thought was a Brazil nut and popped it into my mouth, but it turned out to be a big honking clove of garlic! I didn’t want to spit it out because I am a lady, so I chewed and swallowed that sumbitch. It was a poor decision.
Another time I loaded up my toothbrush with Clearasil, but fortunately it didn’t look right and I didn’t actually put it in my mouth. Anyway, my teeth have always been naturally zit-free.
So, remember that time you threw something down the hatch and it wasn’t what you expected? Tell us what you got!
This is one that stills makes me feel sick, and has stopped me drinking directly out of drinks cartons for ever.
When I was a teenager, I took a carton of orange juice out of the fridge, and drank straight from the carton. I felt, what I thought, was a bit of the carton resting against my teeth (from where you tear open the box), but carried on drinking.
When I finished, I fished this bit of carton out from my teeth, and found it to be a huge, black, dead fly.
I can’t recall ever doing this. But once when I was a kid my grandmother had both a bottle of Diet Coke and a bottle of rubbing alcohol sitting by her chair…
Pontooning, I took a swig from my beer and immediately knew something not-beer was in my mouth. I spit the mouthful out and a bee hit the carpet. It got it’s sea-legs and eventually flew off.
At a party I saw someone pick up the wrong beer bottle and take a swig. It was the bottle someone else was spitting tobacco juice into.
It’s funny this comes up now. Just recently, in the evening, I opened the door to let my dog back into the house. Before the door was closed, a HUGE fly zipped past me. It was one of those “houseflies” that really stands out because of how fat and loud it is. Luckily, my dog enjoys chasing down all things that fly.
Later, I was playing a video game, and the only light n the room was coming from the TV screen. I grabbed the glass of beer next to me and took a gulp. What’s that solid thing in my mouth? I wondered for about a millisecond, before heading to the bathroom sink where much spitting, rinsing and mouthwash gargling ensued.
I once was so hungry I was shoveling french fries into my mouth pretty vigorously and almost bit my finger off. (Well, that’s what it felt like! Definitely drew blood).
I saw that happen once at a poker game. Everyone saw him pick up the beer bottle and figured he was just going to spit. When it was clear he thought it was a beer and started tossing his head back to take a swig we all got as far as taking a breath to warn him. Blearggghh…
I’ve always been naturally cautious about what I place in my gob, so no eating misfortunes are coming to mind. But I was once under a pickup bleeding the clutch slave cylinder. My assistant stepped on the pedal before I was ready and the bleeder hose popped off. I got a mouth full of brake fluid. And I did not enjoy it.
Another time I was fiddling with a car that wasn’t running right. Engine had only been running for a minute and then it was shut off. Seemed safe enough to pop the radiator cap. Got a face (and mouth) full of cold coolant. Eventually worked out there was a head gasket leak and exhaust was blowing into the water jacket and pressurizing the coolant system.
Bees, flies, feh those are nothing. Once during a summer party I put my glass down for a few minutes and when I picked it up again and took a big drink I felt something gelatinous and slimy on my tongue, I look at my drink and see a huge SLUG on the rim.
This isn’t in the same universe as having a SLUG in my mouth :eek: . . .
As a wee WOOK, I was at my Aunt’s house where I decided to help myself to a bowl of yummy chocolate chip ice cream. It turned out it was mint chocolate chip without the green food coloring. What a nasty surprise / disappointment. I know, not horrifying like ingesting an insect, but pretty damned repellent to my seven year old self.
I’ve taken a swig from a beer can that someone had put their cigarette butt in. A few times, actually.
I bet I’m not the only one who’s taken a big old bite of baker’s chocolate.
When I was about 11, I had seen an ad in my uncle’s Popular Science magazine for a little microfiche viewer, which came bundled with a bunch of microfiches featuring photographs of national parks. The viewer was a plastic frame with a magnifier that slid along it – basically, a housing for a plastic magnifying lens.
One day, I was using it, and I started coughing. I lowered the viewer from my eye (though it was still close to my face). I guess that the lens wasn’t firmly seated in the housing, because when I took a sudden deep breath between coughs, the lens popped out of the housing, and into my mouth. And, then, I accidentally swallowed the thing. :eek:
My parents called our doctor, who said, “little plastic lens, no sharp edges, he’ll probably pass it.” Which, I did. But, so much for the microfiche viewer.
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
The customer places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the guy asks in garbled speech, “And what if I swallow it?”
“No problem,” says the barber. “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.”
You don’t understand, I literally sucked a whole glass of orange juice THROUGH a dead fly. Like, washed him out and deposited his innards in my mouth. EURGGGGH.
A slug is just a snail without a shell. Have you never been to France?
If someone is sipping a cocktail of salt/butter/wine/salt/pepper/nutmeg/garlic/green onion/parsley and a slug interferes, then it would be at least not unreasonable to make the comparison. Alternatively, there is a reason escargot is cooked with a taste bud-frying concoction, and that reason is raw slug/snail is just gross.
When I was a kid, I was lying on the sofa, watching TV and eating potato chips from a napkin on my chest. My brother walked by and flapped his hand in my face. He was always trying to do something to irritate or tease me, so I ignored him and kept eating.
Suddenly the potato chips felt and tasted weird. I realized that he had actually flipped a dead, dried-out papery dragonfly onto my chest as he walked by and I had put it into my mouth because it felt like a chip.
I’ve almost done this (but with water bottles) a whole bunch of times, since my ex-husband chewed tobacco and spat the juice into water bottles. When we were in the car and there were two cupholders, my water bottle would go in one and his spot bottle would go in the other, and since the cupholder was covering the part of the bottle where you can see the spit, it was an easy mistake.
But I don’t think I’ve ever gone so far as to take a swig. I would pull the bottle to my face and the smell would always hit me before I tipped it on back.
But, so much for the microfiche viewer.