So despite the fact that a piece of paper may not make a difference to me, it means you get to judge my behaviour differently. Ooookay.
No, they’re based on your ridiculous extrapolations from the facts presented. Based on what you imagine “in your head” to be the case. Sorry if I don’t find any of your arguments to be the least bit convincing.
All this labelling of the boyfriend as a selfish asshole and the OP as a clingy shrew are pretty much pointless. As if people in relationships aren’t loaded down with these types of flaws. As if these flaws will be cured even after 50 years together. I wonder if posters are just projecting their own relationships onto the OP and then justifying their own position. Then if enough other posters agree, they can justify their behavior to themseleves.
As for the OP, someone else already mentioned a scheme that addresses the issue in the OP with very little overhead: Boyfriend always calls right when he is leaving. Girlfriend doesn’t get mad if the call wakes her up. If the boyfriend doesn’t want a bunch of calls while he is out, then he just has to be consistent in calling before he leaves, each and every time. Whether it is from his cell phone, his friend’s cell phone, his friend’s house phone, a pay phone, etc. Girlfriend doesn’t need to worry because she knows where he is at. Once she gets the call, she knows how long it will take him to get home. And of course, this policy is applied in reverse when the girlfriend is out. I was a bit like the boyfriend and my wife was a bit like the OP; this scheme has worked well for us.
We now return to our regularly scheduled spouse bashing…
You can let the dog out, or let your children stay up past their bedtime, but how does one “let” another individual, adult human being, married or otherwise, do anything? Are you the Warden? “Clingy” is too mild a perjorative for this attitude.
Oh for crying out loud. “Let” was a bad choice of word, I didn’t realize people would take it so literally (like bachelor.) I should’ve said “don’t mind.” By “let,” I simply meant he can do it and not get any shit for it the next day.
And of course, a great deal depends on the situation. If this is a first incident (I do not say ‘offense’) then one might be alarmed, with a little venting afterward. If it were a common occurrance, and the two people involved clearly had different expectations in the relationship but have not yet decided to end it, somebody might well feel aggrieved, even outraged. That outrage might even seem quite reasonable, depending on how many incidents have occurred, and whether attempts had been made to communicate that “Hey, I get worried, It’s important for me to hear from you” and the message is either not received, or is actually rejected.
There are people who are, to put it bluntly, dumb as a stump, and don’t get a message until they’re hit with a verbal 2X4. They just don’t hear it. I am NOT suggesting the OP’s boyfriend is one of these! But there are people like that, who just don’t get the message until it is shouted in their face in words that can’t be mistaken for anything less subtle. This has nothing to do with clingy people, but with interpersonal and communication skills in general.
Of course, I think when it comes to that point, a relationship is probably over anyway.
I was glad to hear back from the OP that they’ve talked about it, and sorted things out.
Bah! There are far to many posts here forgivinging the guy and callying the girl clinging. She’s not calling every 5 minutues at work. He call here, late at night, said he was on his way, she went to sleep. Woke up and found no bf. Ive been there. With my SO and my mom as well. I don’t need to know where you are all the time. But if you disappear at 2am I’m not clinging , I’m worried that you may be hurt. That’s what normal (non-clingy) gf do when they care about someone.
Jeezus, how hard is it it to to make a bloddy phonecall?
Oh and wouldn;t you, when you actuaully got into an acidencet, want someone to show up and scrap your ass up off the floor? Don’t drive us crazy. Make a call!!!
Interesting… so if someone is late once it is ok to be angry with them, but if (as you proposed in the mammoth GD thread on punctuality) they show up late repeatedly, there’s no reason to get mad?
I hope this principle is never applied to, say, serial killers.
(Oh, and on topic: boyfriend=jerkish, OP’s multiple calls=way over the top.)
Yes. And 99% of the time, that’s going to happen within a few minutes of the accident. It’s NOT going to happen from someone sitting at home pointlessly worrying and calling my cellphone repeatedly.
Unless talking on the cell phone while driving causes the crash.
They’re likely calling your phone repeatedly because they want to know that you’re not lying in a ditch somewhere. I’d rather just call my S.O’s phone and hear that they’re okay than wait hours hoping I don’t get a call from the police.
I would imagine most people would be with me on that one.
Why not just assume they ARE safe and sound, until you hear otherwise from the police? Because way better than 9 times out of ten, that’s going to be the case. Your worrying is pointless and accomplishes nothing. I suppose it’s human nature, but it’s still pointless.
Wouldn’t it be the ultimate irony if the BF’s accident was caused by the panicky GF calling to check up on the errant BF? Heh.
Well, she’d know where he was…
crash … silence…
ok, so now I’m riding the Hell Train
Meh. “He can do it and not get any shit the next day” is basically the same clingy/controlling/shrewish attitude.
:rolleyes: If it’s uncharacteristic, then yes one might worry. However in this instance, I specifically said that if both parties had made an agreement to call by a certain time. As in SOP. As in something generally followed is suddenly not. Do you get the distinction? :rolleyes:
If he was laying in a ditch with a phone, and able to use that phone to speak with a spouse, then one can assume that he would use that phone to call for assistance, regardless of the spouse calling him.
*Ring, ring.
Him: Hello.
Her: Dear, I’m worred that you might have crashed into a ditch.
Him: Why yes, my little heart of hearts, I have crashed into a ditch.
Her: Dear, will you please call for assistance?
Him: Why yes, my little heart of hearts, I will call for assistance. I had not thought of doing that. Thank you for calling me and explaining this to me.
Her: Goodbye, dear.
Him: Goodbye, my little heart of hearts.
Ring, ring.
911: Police, fire or ambulance? What is your emergency?
Him: My wife told me to call you. I crashed in a ditch.*
Exactly: it’s human nature. So telling someone “just don’t do it” is even more pointless, because they’re going to. Especially when they wake up in the middle of the night and don’t quite have all of their wits about them.
Yeah, you might see it that way if you’re of the “I’ll do whatever I want, whenever I want, and that bitch at home aint gonna tell me otherwise” variety.
If I was just going to hang out with some friends and be home a little late, but ended up staying out all night long without a call, I’d expect to get some shit for it the next day. If it were otherwise, I’d either have the coolest S.O. on the freaking planet, or I’d have a S.O. that just didn’t care all that much whether I came home at night or not. To me, that’s not exactly a good thing.
Very amusing. Of course, you know as well as I do that was not at all what I meant. She would be calling to reassure herself that he’s okay, not to give him assistance. But at least you got to show off how witty you are!
I really don’t get how some of you can just say “oh well, hubby or wife will be home eventually. So what if they’re 6 hours late and haven’t called? I’ll just assume a nice police officer will be giving me a call if they’re dead. I won’t give him a ring just to assure myself he’s okay. That might seem clingly.”
Help me out here, because I must be misreading the facts. From what I can gather:
At 1am, the known boyfriend situation was:
So TWO hours later, (remember: was playing a game for nine friggin’ hours prior to 1am, and it’s now 3am) OP wakes up and thinks that “soon” has long since come and gone. What the hell? That right there is the problem.
When it comes to leisure pursuits, soon is relative to the activity; I thought all humans understood this. When the activity is a couple hours long, “soon” means maybe around a half hour. When the activity is TWELVE FRIGGIN’ HOURS SOLID, then yeah, nine hours in, the finish line (three hours away) is legitimately “soon”.
The worry at 3am was completely without merit. Shame on the OP. At 4am, maybe a mild worry would be reasonable. The OP took 10 steps into crazytown.
That’s probably why there’s so many accusations of “clingy” in the thread.