You were not supposed to break. You are the newest appliance in this hellhole of an apartment. You were supposed to be the good guy, supporting me with your cleaning goodness, while the others let me down.
I wanted the washer, the goddamn “portable” washer, to go. Noisy and inefficient and tiny as all hell. What takes two loads in a normal washer takes six in that goddamn piece of shit. I was hoping the dryer above it might fall off the wall after the washer hoses, 20 years old, same as the washer, broke, and the drywall soaked up the water. But it was not meant to be. The drywall was fine, though my apartment was left flooded and moldy. The washer and dryer, though seem to have recovered nicely.
I hoped the HVAC could break, and a newer, less ass-reaming-in-my-electric-bill unit would be installed. We’ve made great strides in energy efficiency since 1982, I understand, and I’d love to enjoy them. But I can’t, so instead I spend $100 to keep this place at 78 fucking degrees.
And as for you, thermostat. You could stand to go too. 70, 95, it makes no difference to you. It’s all the same, why do I get so damn uptight about a measly 25 degree difference, you say? Oy.
And let us not overlook the stove of eternal hellfire and scorching. The moment the element turns on while food is inside your gaping maul, it is beyond redemption. Everything, I say everything, must be covered in a kind coat of carbon. And that which cannot be covered will not be cooked at all. Yes, spit forth burned, yet runny cookies, and half-burned and half-raw fish. Enjoy it while you can, for soon your day will come, self-cleaning oven of despair.
So here I am, with a dishwasher full of dirty dishes, detergent, and no water. The pump whines as if being tortured, but no water enters. The valve is open; maybe the dishwasher gnomes are preventing water entry. I don’t know. All I know is that tomorrow my apartment manager will come over to frown at it, and then he will call my landlord, who will be at a conference of doctors somewhere with her cell phone turned off, as always. Curse you, dishwasher! Curse you, Kenmore, and your attractive but non-working appliances! :mad: