Well, if I ever have kids, I fully intend to leave them with strangers. After all, if I leave them with people I know, they’ll track me down and give 'em back.
I honestly thought this said “I have my two in a cellar” the first time I read it…
Clearly a center is much better. 
Doesn’t sound as if she’s like family, it sounds as if she is family.
My kid loved to play with his friends when he went to daycare. I was not as fun as a group of kids. Potty training went better when he was with kids his oun age.
Same here. Dominic loved the days he went in. He had friends and more (& better) toys. He also learned a classroom setting for organized activities, learned how to play well with other kids, and gained more social maturity than he would have staying home with me all the time.
While it is incorrect to assume that all daycare providers are strangers to the parents and their children, I think it is also incorrect to assume they’re not.
It sounds like you and yours have an amazing relationship, but I tend to think you’re very, very lucky, and most people don’t have that sort of relationship with their children’s day care providers. I’m not even saying whether I think one way or the other is better. But what your post seemed to be saying is that no day care providers are strangers, which I believe is incorrect.
Take this for example:
Emphasis mine.
Sounds to me like sometimes a stranger will watch Dangerosa’s kids. Also sounds to me like this particular day care center is a good one and is working out for Dangerosa and her kids. But unless I misinterpreted the OP, that’s not the point. The point is that some day care providers are strangers.
If I misinterpreted the OP, someone please be kind enough to point it out.
I like how at five years old it’s magically okay to leave kids with “strangers” because thats “school”, not “daycare” and it is all so much different…
…or not…
Preach it, sisters.
Aaron is in daycare, and has been for a few months now. He genuinely seems to enjoy it, too. He gets to play with other kids his own age, and has toys there that we can only dream about and a safe place to play with them. His teachers have also helped me and Airman become better parents because they offer advice based on what they observe. Also, since they’re a military daycare, they can take into consideration when Airman is away and are prepared to offer assistance with military resources, should it become necessary. His teachers have also been with this daycare for a number of years. They’ve seen their kids go from the infant room to the preschool and beyond.
Since Airman’s parents both work, and since his grandparents are rather elderly, I feel much better having a reliable source of care for Aaron that doesn’t revolve around the needs of someone else.
Robin
Kezermezer, you have a point. And I did luck out–home cares allow for this sort of closeness, especially the way Fran runs hers. Yet I still think “stranger” is too strong a word for care in centers with turnover. Generally in the larger centers there is some constancy. Maybe there will be one new teacher, but others will be continuing. You know that the center’s approach is, you know what they require of anyone they hire. You trust the center or the director to choose people carefully and to make corrections if it’s not right. And you are introduced (at least I’d hope so) to any new staff.
Most of the parents I know around here know their providers well. They may not be as close as I am to Fran, but they know who they are and talk to them every day at pickup or dropoff. I like the school analogy–you may not know everything about your child’s kindergarten teacher, but you that person is not a stranger.
While a parent may not develop the close relationship with such workers as I do with my provider, the term “stranger” still galls me. I think it’s unnecessarily negative and also inaccurate. And generally the people making the statements are making the sweeping condemnation that any care outside the family is done by “strangers.” It’s ridiculous. It was just done in a pit thread by an expectant parent, who haughtily said day care values weren’t a problem because their child wouldn’t be “raised by strangers.” Argh!
I respect people who aren’t personally comfortable having their offspring in childcare (in any form) and choose to stay home. Most of my mom friends stay at home and I don’t feel judged or threatened. But I do so dislike the charged language that some folks choose to use.
Thanks for bringing this up Cranky. Sometimes in their rush to feel superior and blameless, people forget how ridiculous some assertions are. I don’t know anyone who’d leave their child with a random stranger, and suggesting that parents who use daycare do just that is very insulting.
Let’s not forget that regardless of how much we as a parent know about a specific care worker in a daycare setting, our child who spends 8-9 hours a day with them knows them very well. My son’s in a center, and we both love it there. Like Cranky said, although there is some turnover (a lot of the girls are students working on education or childcare degrees) there’s also a lot of constancy. My son had the same primary worker from day one, at age three months, until he moved up to toddlers this past fall. She was wonderful, and almost became a second mother to me with all the great stories and advice she had about Lil’guy. Not even close to a stranger. Even now in his new classroom, he’ll run inside each morning with hugs for his teachers, and then is instantly off and running with his “friends”.
And, truthfully, I trust these people with my child much more than I would quite a few of my family members. Everything is documented–from how they ate to what type of games they played. He gets to go outside regularly, do arts and crafts type things, sing songs, listen to stories. They even help the kids make “Happy Mother’s Day” or “Merry Christmas” type gifts for the parents. Try getting that from a frazzled sister with three kids of her own. (And–added bonus–my pediatrician swears by the “day care immunity” by which kids exposed to all the bugs and germies in centers have way more of a defense against the assorted illnesses that run rampant in many kindergarteners and first graders. )
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So . . .
Can I bring up breastfeeding now?
::d&r really fast::
There’s one in every crowd. 
Seriously, though, since we’re not debating working vs. staying at home, the analogous BF debate might be someone saying “I’m breastfeeding because it creeps me out to think of sticking the equivalent of DRIED PAINT in my baby’s mouth 8 times a day.” As in, a latex nipple being a horrible thing for a parent to use, the whole “breastfeed or not” decision being related but not the immediate subject of debate. As in, there could be numerous reasons to make that choice, but that particular reason is FUCKING DUMBASSED and factually inaccurate just like the “strangers raising my child!” one is.
I’ve been trying to post all day… try again.
I don’t drop off. And there is a shift change at my center in the eight and a half hours my kids spend there. So I don’t meet the morning shift of staff for a while. But my husband does. They may be strangers to me, but they aren’t to him.
How did he “recover” from autism? Or do you just mean his therapy? I’m genuinely curious.
I read all ten or so pages of the train wreck that I think spawned this thread. I laughed, I cried, I pondered and I was genuinely pissed off by that particular comment.
To paraphrase the OP stated that not only because she had the resources but also because she cared enough, her child would not be attending any daycare or be cared for by strangers.
What The Fuck!?!?!!?
Mothers who use day care may care but obviously they don’t care enough? Certainly not as much as Perfect Mom® cares.
How fucking pretentious can you get.
True Confession: One major reason Aaron is in daycare is because I just don’t know what to do with him all day to keep him stimulated and happy. Television only goes so far (not that I want him to watch it all day), and there is only so much that a five-month-old can do on his own, and I have my limits in terms of money to buy the cool, federally-approved developmental toys and space to keep them. And I know no one with kids his age.
At least at daycare, he can play with their cool, expensive, federally-approved developmental toys (which he loves to do, and which keep him motivated to try to do more in terms of developing new motor skills), and he can play with other kids his own age, which he likes to do, as well. And his caregivers seem to genuinely like what they do. When I pick Aaron up in the afternoon, he seems happy and content. When I drop him off in the morning, he seems eager to get started. He looks at me as if to say, “Okay, Mom. You can go now.”
Robin
Robyn,
I can relate. I know I’ll be a super mom when Cranky Jr is about eight. Up until then, I am getting by on sheer blind love for him. I mean, I’m just not good at entertaining babies or coming up with toddler games. I always watch my mom friends for ideas (some of them amaze me–they’re so good at considering what a toddler would like!) and I do the best I can, but I have to admit I’ve got some shortcomings when it comes to the characteristics that would make me a good playmate and solitary caregiver to my little crumbsnatcher 24/7.
So this is another reason why I am pro-daycare for my own child. Pro-stranger, you might say. Ha ha.
I suppose there are those who might argue “If you can’t embrace the whole parenting job, then why have kids in the first place!?” But you know, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. I know my strengths will shine through once we get past toddlerhood.
I know what you mean, Cranky. I’m not good at playing Barbies, or pretending to be favorite characters, getting down on the floor and playing with Little People. It’s just not me.
Thankfully, my two youngest have each other to do that with (they’re 7 and almost 5). I do enjoy taking them out on daytrips to museums, parks, zoos and the like. We have a lot of fun baking together, especially cookies that need to be decorated. We play computer games together and I enjoy watching some of their movies and TV shows (Spongebob rocks!).
I know some moms who lives focus only on their children. A friend of mine wouldn’t even play her own music in the car; it had to be tapes with kids’ songs on them. My kids are growing up with an appreciation for classic rock.
I used to feel guilty because I wasn’t on the floor surrounded by Little People, because my mother used to sit on the floor with me all day. But I know that if I forced myself to do those things, my kids would know my heart wasn’t in it, and none of us would enjoy it.
I’m actually pretty good at it…unfortunately, I’m only good at it for a few hours at most. Not the 24 x 7 x 365 required for SAHMness. We enjoy our weekends, but the kids are eager for daycare and I’m eager for adult converstation by Sunday afternoon.
I am going to point my sister to this thread. She’s a SAHM and does day care for two other kids- one is about 2 and one is an infant. Her 2 year old and the little boy she sits have all sorts of activities during the day- she’s a great daycare provider. She had an older child before- she was about 4- who used to have regular arts and craft classes at her house, they baked cupcakes, they made decorations for all occasions, cards for mom and dad- you name it. She is as good to those kids as she is to her own and loves them like there’s no tomorrow.
It’s a great atmosphere for those kids to be in, and while she’s technically a stranger at first to the kid and the parents, that usually doesn’t last long. It’s a win/win for everyone.