GodfuckingDamnit, a daycare provider isn't a stranger

The BBQ Pit
41

And just when was “the whole parenting job” redefined to mean being the only adult interacting with a young child 24/7?

For most of human history, we lived in extended family groups, and EVERYONE helped raise the kids. It was normal to pass the young 'uns off to an aunt or a sister-in-law or a cousin for a while while you worked on something else. People who are using daycare today are just doing what humans have done for most of history. It’s the idea that a mother SHOULD be the sole adult caretaker of a young child that’s new and radical.

So buck up, daycare users! As long as you select the caregiver carefully, and your child is showing no signs of distress, you’ve nothing to feel guilty about. Your kids will grow and flourish without your needing to be glued to their sides all day - they’ve been built to be adaptable.

42

When my son was 11 months old, I re-joined the workforce. Luckily for me, our landlady (we rented a suite within her house) didn’t work outside of the home. She was like a second mother to me, and a grandma to Matthew. I would leave at 4:45 am, and the baby monitor would be on in her bedroom upstairs. I would arrive home at around 1:00 in the afternoon to a happy buglet.

When we left Calgary, I placed him into a dayhome. Also a positive experience - I had known the provider for about 15 years or so, as she was a good friend of my sister’s.

Well. We moved to Yellowknife. I had a horrible time finding a dayhome provider for him, but I finally did. One day, my sister was laid off from her job, and went to pick up my son from the sitter, earlier than usual. My baby was sitting in half-dried from wetting himself pants, with lord-knows-what all over his face, and sitting at the door, crying for Mommy. This is from a happy, well-adjusted child. My sister picked him up, took him home, and called to tell me that he would never, ever go back to that house. She postponed her career for 6 months so that she could watch him for me.

When she finally did return to working, we put Matthew into the best daycare I have ever encountered. It was close to my office, so if there ever was any problem, I only had to walk across the street. He was a happy boy again. When we left YK for a year down east, he was very sad to leave his ‘school’ behind. The daycare teachers still send email and Christmas cards.

I have had good luck and bad luck with childcare providers. I would have preferred to stay home with him until school started, but it’s not an option when you’re a single parent. Then, when I was no longer on my own, I didn’t dream of staying home with him, because that would have deprived him of interaction with other children his own age, and age-specific activities. Now that he is older, and in school, we get plenty of family time and we enjoy each other more. But, when he was younger and I was not working, it was all I could do to stay sane with a child 24 hours a day.