Not that they were trying to make a comedy.
I think.
Anyway, ya gotta like a Big “G” movie that begins with people setting up antennas as part of the Godzilla Prediction Network, or “GPN.” Do the nightly TV news shows have a report? “There is a sixty percent chance of an attack by Godzilla tonight, but only a thirty percent chance tomorrow, so plan accordingly.” The GPN team is a middle-aged scientist and his annoying genius ten-year-old daughter. Also hanging around is an annoying, whiny female newspaper reporter. She stupidly tries to take a flash picture of Godzilla while only a few feet away from his gigantic eyeball. This does not make Godzilla happy.
There is a also another monster in this movie, though it is never named. It comes forth from a UFO buried under the sea for sixty-five million years. It first looks like a giant rock (the UFO, I mean), and it flies in this form, bringing forth the memorable line, “Did you see that flying rock go by?” The monster is supposed to be a Godzilla clone, though it changes form a lot. It first looks like a jellyfish, then like the American Godzilla, then like a cross between Godzilla and a Venus fly-trap. Godzilla sticks his head into it.
Other characters are a villain (leader of Crisis Control Institute) who wants to kill Godzilla. He and the leader/creator of GPN know one another. In one sequence, the villain tries to destroy the UFO and kill the scientist at the same time. Another character is a nerdy guy at CCI who ultimately turns against his leader and works to help GPN. Also memorable is the General who proudly shows off his new missiles, claiming, “Our new weapon will go through Godzilla like crap through a goose!” (I nearly fell out my seat when I heard that.) No, he was not named Patton. But he must have seen the movie.
Toho Studios has discovered CGI effects, though they are used sparingly. They still used a guy in a rubber suit shlumping through finely-crafted miniature cities. But one memorable CGI effect was of Godzilla swimming underwater that actually looked pretty cool. The UFO was also both CGI and a large model. Godzilla’s fire breath is now CGI and looks cool. Godzilla’s mouth moves a bit more realistically, but his eyes are still obviously either plastic or glass. His dorsal spines are absurdly long now. They do a better job of combining location work with model effects than they used to, though some scenes look so amateurish, you may cringe when you see them. As far as optical effects go, Japanese studios are still about ten years behind most Hollywood studios and fifteen years behind Lucas’s ILM.
The movie must have been poorly edited by TriStar when they adapted it for America. Godzilla disappears for long stretches with no explanation. The GPN van loses its windshield which reappears later without explanation. As I said earlier, the alien monster is never given a name, which is totally unheard of for a Toho creature. Characters say dialogue which make no sense. (Maybe it’s the translation?) The scientist observes that Godzilla seems to be destroying energy sources, but this plot thread is dropped for no reason. We do find out that Godzilla has an amazing ability to heal injuries, which explains why he keeps coming back. And I hope he does.
SCOREBOARD:
No sex.
No breasts.
Monster fu.
UFO fu.
One annoying child actress.
One annoying adult actress.
Three annoying adult actors.
Unable to determine number of dead bodies, though the monsters destroy a HUGE number of buildings, so there must be SOME under the rubble. (Ever wonder how they’re able to rebuild Tokyo so quickly between movies? And why they always re-construct it EXACTLY the way it was before Godzilla trashed it?)
Minor cursing.
Confusing ending:
NERD: We scientists created Godzilla! And we keep trying to destroy him!
REPORTER: So why does he keep saving us? (I was wondering that myself.)
SCIENTIST: There is a little Godzilla in each of us.
Uh, sure…
Anyway, I give it two stars as a creature feature, three-and-a-half as a comedy. jab1 says, “Check it out!”
