Hey, he asked us to tell him how wrong he is. I’m just trying to give the man what he wants. 
My own opinion of the matter would hinge on exactly what was the focus of their activities.
If the focus is loosening up, having a few drinks, and enjoying time with friends in a nice atmosphere, all is a-ok with me.
If the focus is more on the club scene itself, then I’d be displeased (CrazyCatLady’s “body shots off each other and go home with strangers” quote fits what I’m getting at).
If my wife wanted to go out with her friends, I definitely would want to clarify the situation (in the same way that she would ask me a few pointed questions were the situation reversed).
If she indicated that she was doing something that I found displeasing, we would have to work it out somehow. I would trust her responses. I suspect that if any funny business were to actually happen, it would be hard to hide for long, and then I would worry about it.
Clint:
Let’s dig a bit deeper. What are you concerned might happen if she gets drunk with her friends?
Be honest with youself, us.
Only one night? Heck, my girlfriends and I are getting a hotel downtown next weekend.
If it’s happening too often for you to feel comfortable and you feel like she is doing it to blow you off, I would talk to her about it. Do you feel like she is trying to get away from you, specifically, or that she just wants time with her friends? My husband has his ‘guys nights’ every few weeks or so too and I think it’s great. He even will invite people over and I will leave to let them be guys once in a while.
The real issue, IMHO, is trust. We both trust each other so we don’t worry what the other one is doing when we’re not there. I know his friends and he knows mine, in fact we are all friends and often all hang out together. Do you know her friends? I can see it being more difficult if you don’t, or if you don’t like them.
I guess it’s hard to say if this certain behavior is a problem or not since we don’t really know the circumstances. I can think of cases where it would be a problem, but it is not necessarily one, in fact time apart can be beneficial. Like most things, it depends on how both people feel about it.
Shit, my missus recently went to Amsterdam with seven other women.
The way I see it is that this is an ace I have up my sleeve, that I can play the next time I want to go out on a bender with the boys. Bwa ha ha ha.
If I’m out with the SO, only one of us can drink, because we are very careful about drinking and driving (as in, we don’t do it, not we carefully plan it.)
If I want to go out with my girlfriends, he usually stays home (unless we’ve planned something for the guys), because he’d be bored.
Want to hear about my Valentine’s Day? I got together with 2 girlfriends and went to see the Vagina Monologues while the SO’s stayed home, babysat the 6 month old, and played PS2 for 4 hours.
I wouldn’t worry about it, in other words. But talk to her, without getting upset, and she won’t get defensive (unless she is doing something bad, in which case you have a whole different problem.)
I actually prefer to go out without my wife for several reasons.
- We enjoy different kinds of bars. She likes dance-clubs, I prefer sports bars.
- I usually go out with people from work. If she comes along, she’s usually left out of shop-talk and work-related jokes. She’s uncomfortable, I’m uncomfortable, and neither one of us has as good a time.
- When she goes out, sometimes she gets hit on. OK, I’ve accepted that. She’s a good looking lady. She never leads them on though. If they insist on buying her drinks all night, that’s $xx less that she spends, and that’s more money we have for “house issues” like food, electricity, etc…
- When we do go out together, it’s usually with her brother and sister. Those two, when they get a couple drinks in them, get really obnoxious, both towards each other and everyone else. I generally don’t like being around sloppy drunk “woo-hoo, let’s party!” people. I usually wind up having to seperate them from someone or each other, occasionally make sure they don’t fall asleep at the bar, and generally put up with their drunken nonsense until I can get them home. The less I have to do that, the happier I am.
- It’s easier, baby-sitter wise. The wife and I take turns going out, so one night, I’m home having quality male bonding-time with the boy (“watching hockey and drinking beer” was what I got him to tell my wife we were planning for one night that she was going out), and the next time, she goes out with her sister or friends. It’s all good.
As long as you take opportunities to go out together, a once a month or every other week “boy’s night out” or “girl’s night out” is absolutely fine, as long as the night doesn’t turn into a weekend bender, or 4A.M. “honey, please bring bail money” phone call.
“and the next time,” (from #5, above) is Pennsylvanian for “while”. We talk funny.
It’s threads like this that make me so incredibly happy to be single.
More trust Clint.
That’s the answer.
I’m usually several hundred miles away from irishfella, and the boy likes to go out and drink with his friends.
I like to do the same.
I’ve honestly never had a second thought. I behave myself, and I know he will too.
I might worry he’ll get into a fight, or be sick after eating a dodgy kebab, or have a really bad hangover, but I don’t worry about him cheating on me!
Does she have a mobile phone? irishfella and I text each other a lot when we’re out.
you know the sort of thing
“Out with the boys, having a good night, love you”
“Ok babe, you have fun, and have a drink for me”
Would being able to contact her when she’s out on the lash help?
A romantic call or text from you might be nice, just to let her know you love her.