I don’t know if the term “going stag” is gender neutral so if there’s an alternative expression for women, let me know! “Going deer” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
My younger cousin is getting married in August. Recently, she has been asking for a family head count of who are planning on attending and who are bringing dates. Since I’m the perpetually single old maid cousin, this is a lot of pressure for me. I thought I had seven months to hit the bus stops and bars to get me a date. Because Lord knows it will be painful going alone to that wedding. I believe I’m the only cousin who isn’t seeing anyone (besides the 5 - 14 set).
Anyone out there have any good stories about going alone to weddings? I’d appreciate funny comebacks to “When are you going to get married?” or “Why didn’t you bring a date?” Any tips on how to make this experience less painful would be greatly appreciated!
Perennially single woman here – I call it “going doe,” which no one but me seems to find funny. This is, perhaps, why I’m perennially single.
It doesn’t bother me to fly solo at these things, so I don’t have any useful tips for you. (In other words, since I don’t feel like I’m “coping,” I have no tips on “coping.”)
Lord, honey, the only wedding I’ve ever had a date for was my own. It was never really that big a deal for me, though. I mean, my family’s going to be obnoxious and annoying no matter what. If I don’t bring a date, I get the pitiful old spinster repertoire. If I do bring a date, I get the when are you getting married barrage. If I get married, I get all the when are you having kids onslaught. If I have a kid, I get set upon about when I’m having another. So I just make sure my eye muscles are well-stretched and warmed up (I expect to be rolling them a lot and don’t want to strain anything) and go on. Besides, I know these people love me and don’t have a particle of malicious intent in them. The questions aren’t an attempt to annoy or upset me, just their misguided attempt to try to be involved in my life. I can appreciate the sentiment behind the whole thing, which makes it much easier to just let it all roll off my back.
If it makes you feel any better, during a bouquet toss I flatly refused to take part in, an elderly female relative reached over and patted my hand. “Don’t you worry, honey, your day will come,” she assured me. I was twelve. It was almost as funny as the time my cousin earnestly assured me that I wasn’t fat, I was just wide. Daddy’s family means well, they really do. They’re just not real good at the whole tact thing.
When people ask why you’re single, tell them you had a boyfriend but he was tragically run over by a cement mixer. Then, start crying. That ought to shut them up!
You’re in Massachusetts? Heck, I’ll go with you. Watch your family’s concerned questions change to: “Have you thought this through?” and “Is he really the right guy for you?”
I’ve been to a couple of weddings by myself, and both times I had a fabulous time. At one, I got to dance with a very handsome man in a kilt, and at the other, I got to dance with my cousin’s very handsome friends. The only downsides I can think of is that 1) if you’re driving, you either better have a place to stay or a friend to drive you home in case you drink too much, and 2) well, I can’t think of a #2.
OK, I’ve been to a grand total of about four weddings as an adult, so I’m no expert on these matters, but it’s news to me that bringing a date to a wedding is expected. Acceptable, yes, but certainly not obligatory. Weddings don’t really strike me as ideal date-type events, to be honest. They’re about socializing with family and old friends, and surely it’s easier to do that if you don’t have some guy who doesn’t know any of these people at your elbow the whole time?
Besides, it’s easier to check out the groom’s single friends if you come alone, no?
Unless you are seriously dating a person, bringing a date to a wedding is a cruel thing to do, with one exception. If you know few other people who are invited, a date is ok, because you need someone to talk to. Bringing a date to a family wedding is just mean, you will likely be flitting around socializing with longtime friends and relatives and the poor sap who went with you is chatting with the bartender until you grab him for the obligatory slow dance. Yes, I’ve been the “date” before, can you tell?
As to the snappy answer… Why didn’t you bring a date? Because I want to spend my time with YOU and the rest of my family, not babysitting some piece of beefcake.
I’ve only been to a few weddings as an adult, twice I went with friends, once with my now-fiance.
I never even thought about whether or not I had a date. I was there to see the bride and groom, not show off my current boy-toy. I think it’s odd that it never occurred to me to be anxious about it, as it’s usually stuff that worries me.
I’ve never had a date when I attended a wedding, even when I was dating someone at the time. Not a word was said, even when I ignored the bouquet toss.
The last wedding I attended, there were two big tables full of people on their own and it was a blast.
Amen to that. I’m a 26 year-old guy, and I’ve been to a lot of weddings (20ish I think, I stopped counting. I have 9 on the schedule in the next 18 months). I had a date for one of them, where, ironically, I was good friends with the bride and my girlfriend was good friends with the groom. For another wedding I was on a friend-date with a good female friend of mine (the aformentioned bride, her husband was in Europe at the time).
If I had a girlfriend (I don’t currently), I ask her if she’d like to go with me, but I certainly wouldn’t force her to go. After all, I generally know 20-30% of the wedding guests, whereas my girlfriend would know… me. If she’s ok with that, fair enough, but I know I wouldn’t much fun if the tables were reversed.
I always go alone. When asked the standard questions about why I’m still single, I just say, “No one’s good enough for me,” and give a smile that is open to one of three interpretations:
I have a great way to explain going stag to the wedding now! My dentist informed me yesterday I have some abnormal cell growth in my mouth. Oral cancer is always a wonderful excuse.
