Going to a bar for the first time tonight

In My Humble Opinion
21

I had a friend like you…only difference was that he was Gay and had been waiting to go to his first Gay bar.

He had been looking forward to this a LONG time, had done his research, scoped out what was supposed to be the best bar in Berlin and went there. He walked up and down the street 30 times before he got the courage to go to the door. In Berlin, many Gay bars used to have a doorbell and you had to ring it to get in. This was one of those bars.

Terrified, he rang the bell.

Nothing.

He rang the bell again.

Nothing.

He assumed he looked too young and was about to walk away when the door opened.

“Hello?”

My friend could barely speak and said, “hi”. And then he went in.

The place was deserted.

It was the owner who had opened the door and when my friend went in he said, “we don’t even open for another hour, but have a seat.”

My friend was so humiliated, he did as the owner suggested and sat down. The owner was no fool and knew it was the guy’s first time in a bar, let alone a Gay bar.

By the time the first “real” guest came, my friend had calmed down, had two drinks and was feeling comfortable. He wound up having a great time.

Lessons to learn here:

Everybody has a first time.

Maybe go a little early and scope out the place and let the bar “come to you” so to speak.

It will never live up to your expectations (in your case, wild and wonderful women in wet t shirts, dancing on the bar and begging for your phone number), in his case, he was terrified it would be full of leather guys who would strap him to the wall.

But go and have a good time…and I personally like to sit in the corner and observe if I go out alone. You will be surprised how often someone will come over and say hello to that new loner in the corner.

22

a couple tips from a big time bar regular.

If your that nervous, don’t go out at 11, go earlier. Particularly if you can find a place that’s also a decent food place. Go around 7-8 the first time. The bartender will be bored, serving a mostly empty bar while families finish eating. The bartender will usually be willing to talk while getting amped for the rush ahead. Just get to know the dude/chick and be friendly and tip well. I wouldn’t suggest trying a 7pm to 2am shift the first time out, so have a couple, feel comfortable, and leave when your ready. With a few people at the bar and a quieter atmosphere you’ll probably end up talking to a few of the regulars.

After a couple times of that, then come back during peak hours. Bartenders never get a chance to notice the screaming drunken hordes, but they will remember you(it’s basically their job) and give you a smile, a hi or even better a hand shake. This is a good thing. Bartenders know more about the chicks in their bar then anyone.

However don’t ask for a set up or anything, that’s just cheese. If the bartender appears to think you are a good guy, the rest of the bar will notice, and give you a notch or two on the positive side. And a good bartender(one who understands his tips) will even subtley get a conversation started for you if you are shy, The Bartender is the key, take care of them, they will take care of you. :slight_smile:

23

This is the Irish perspective, so it might not work for you.

Find a nice, friendly neighborhood bar that serves food. Go during the day, either at lunchtime or about 5pm, just before the after-work crowd arrives.

Bring a book or newspaper, sit at the bar and order a sandwich and a pint or two. Chat with the bartender, and anyone who stands beside you while they order. Sitting at a table or booth will just mark you out as someone who wants their privacy, and that’s not what you’re aiming for.

Do it a few times until you’re more relaxed, and the staff knows you. Then go in one day at 6pm and repeat your usual routine, this time skipping the reading material. Stay longer and drink a little more (aim for a maximum of a pint an hour if you’re planning to stay for more than 3 drinks).

The other option is to sit at a table, and wait for a group you like the look of to arrive, then offer them seats at your table…but that’s sneaky and requires skill!

If it was here, you’d probably find the pub packed whatever time you went in at, and you’d find some hardened drinkers buying you pints before you could blink…

24

Since ‘tip well’ has been mentioned a few times I figured I’d ask…How much is tipping well to a bartender? Something like 20%?

25

I tip a straight $1 per drink, at least. Having been on both sides of the bar, I can say that seems pretty standard. If the drink is, say, $3.50, I’ll usually just hand the bartender a five and tell him to keep the change.

26

I bartended in a college town. I can tell you you will absolutely not be the only patron looking young for your age. That’s why they check ID’s, to make sure your as old as you say you are. The bouncer is not going to make fun of a patron.

The bar I worked at had plenty of people who were probably in a similar situation as yours. They were alone at a huge University and were looking for a place to hang out. Many sat at the bar for hours alone, hardly speaking, and many would chat up the bartender or try to get in on a game of pool. The guys I became friendly with didn’t make a huge impression the first night, but I saw them often enough that eventually they were part of the bar “family” (that’s Joe, he’s here all the time, he’s cool, stuff like that). If you want to make friends at the bar, go regularly between 5 and 8 pm. Screaming over the music at 12:30 isn’t going to get you anywhere. Once the regulars recognize your face, it will be alot easier.

All that being said, the only reason I spent that much time in the bar was that I was getting paid to be there. I am definitely not a “bar” person. I’d much rather hang with my friends at a house or apartment. Can’t you join a club, or other social group?

BTW, why are you leaving Philadelphia to hit the West Chester bar scene? Philly has some of the greatest bars in the country- from every end of the spectrum. Google “Philadelphia bar guide” and go nuts!

27

Plus, I don’t think ecstasy s a good combination with people who a drinking, at least not in a bar. Different vibes.

28

I guess this is a major reason why I don’t go through with going in. I know I’ll be in the corner. And having been that guy in the corner my whole life, I know from experience that people rarely come over and say hello. But if that’s really not the case in a bar I will be pleasantly surprised.

29

I was mostly motivated to move here not only to get a place with my two best friends, but also because of the ratio of girls to guys here. At Drexel I think we’re just starting to level out at 1:1 between guys to girls. When I started there it was something like 1 girl to every 3 guys. At West Chester it seems to be the opposite. I figured I would try living someplace where my chances were better statistically, even if not realistically.

30

Something I wouldn’t do if it were my first time going to a bar: go alone to a college bar on a Saturday night. Wayyyy too intimidating! I’d go to a friendly local place, maybe a place that has a couple of TV sets and a ball game going on, so you can at least pretend you’re watching the game if you feel too awkward. Also, if you don’t want to feel like people are staring at you while you’re walking, just don’t look at them. If they’re looking at you, it’s probably because they’re worried someone is staring at them. You’ll probably feel more at ease sitting at a barstool where people are less likely to be looking you straight in the face. I find it easy to talk to people this way, because people are coming up to the bar and ordering drinks, usually drunk and willing to start conversations with complete strangers. Of course if you’re trying to pick up chicks, this gets a lot more complicated.

Don’t you have bars that will let 18 year olds in? I’d think a college town would definitely have a couple of those. Good luck!

31

Be the guy standing in the middle of the dance floor. Eventually a girls will notice you and be like “why aren’t you dancing?”.

It’s tough to meet people in a crowded college bar by yourself. It’s a good skill to have though. When I used to go to bars with my friends, generally what would happen is we would hang out in a group drinking. Every once and awile one of us would break formation to talk to some girls. If there was interest, you didn’t see him again for a while, if at all. If he got shot down, he just comes back to the group. Problem is what do you do when you’re by yourself? Hang out in another corner of the bar?

32

Not in PA. You have to be 21 to be in a bar. Some bars that sell food will let you in to eat only, but after a certain point (8:00, I think–going on what it was like when I worked at the local corner bar) you have to leave. The tables weren’t seperated from the bar enough to consider them the “restaraunt” section.

Way too risky to allow 18 yr olds into a crowded bar, as far as the establishments liquor license goes. Even if they aren’t served specifically, that’s no guarantee that they won’t be drinking there (friends giving them a beer on the sneak, etc.), and that puts the bar in a lot of hot water.

33

This is exactly right. It’s much, much easier to meet people in a bar when you’re with a group of friends. You have people to talk to while you size things up, you can take a wingman (or wingmen) with you to approach someone in a group, and a guy hanging with his friends simply projects more self-confidence than someone sitting alone.

Soapbox Monkey, it sounds like you would be better off waiting until your roommates are 21 and go to the bar with them. There’s no point in forcing yourself to go alone if you’re not going to have a good time.