Hey all, I turned 21 just two Wednesdays ago, and tonight I’m going to make an attempt at going to some bars here in town (I live in West Chester, PA, a college town). I haven’t gone the last two weekends because I have no one to go with (I’m the first person in my close group of friends to turn 21). My roommate Paul has mentioned the possibility of asking one or two of his fraternity brothers (who I consider mild aquaintances) to go with me, but so far no such plans have materialized, and they usually have their own parties on Fridays and Saturdays.
Well, rather than waiting, I might just venture there by myself tonight. Is going to a bar alone a bad idea, as far as wanting to be able to socialize with people considering how shy I am? Seeing as how it’s a bar, all the girls there will be older than me so I just need some general advice.
So, what do I do? How would I go about approaching someone?
You don’t need to approach anyone. Just go to a place that looks friendly, order a beer, sit and stare into it, or at the TV. Repeat. Go home.
That’s all you need for a first taste of it. It’ll give you time to check the place out, and decide whether you like bars or not. There is no shortage of shy people in those places.
Sometimes there are free peanuts.
Don’t eat the free peanuts.
Seriously though, I don’t know if you’ve drunk before, but try to skirt your limits; drink enough to be slightly tipsy, without getting into drunkeness. That way, if you do strike up a conversation with someone, you can get a soft drink or just wait a while and get back to sober easily.
Actually, in a college town, half of everyone there will be younger than you with fake ids, but that’s not important. Meeting people in a bar when you’re both by yourself and shy is gonna be tough. If it wasn’t for alcohol, I’d say it was hopeless. Have you done much drinking before? If not, don’t overdo it. You want to drink enough to loosen up but not enough to be sloppy, probably something like 1-3 drinks depending on your size and tolerance.
Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself your first trip. Have a drink or two, try to strike up some casual conversations with people (male or female), leave if you’re not having fun. Telling people you just turned 21 can be a good icebreaker, depending on how you do it.
Yeah, it will be pretty tough, especially considering that most college bars have obnoxiously loud music playing, making conversation difficult without getting very close to the person you’re talking to. Are there any weeknights that you can go out? If so, I’d just buy some booze and hang out with your friends on the weekend, then pop your cherry on a Tuesday/Wednesday night when it’s not so crowded and rowdy.
For god’s sake, order DRAFT Beer…do not order a light beer (should you opt for beer at all).
In a bar, it is quit cool to just hang out and be there, sans being self conscious. It is one of the few places where being alone could be very very favorable.
I’m not sure how widespread “pubs” as such are in the US (I know they exist), but I’d recommend a pub-like bar, so go to a Cheers kinda place. Late afternoon is good. It’s busy enough that you won’t feel everybody’s eyes on you when you walk in (that can be disconcerting for the newbie, but actually you’re just a moving object breaking the monotony, and nobody really cares about you), but it’s not so busy that it’s noisy, rowdy, and you have to push your way in to get service, or shout to be heard over the music.
Threse Cheers or Moe’s Tavern workingmen’s places are usually pretty friendly, and a good starting point. In the rare event that somebody did want to hassle you, the other locals would be on your side. Those places are little communities, and they don’t like assholes. In fact, when I’m in a strange town, and I want to ask directions or such, I forget the Tourist Information Centres and the like - the bar is where you go for friendly advice.
Go there and drink alone the first time or two. Before long, somebody, probably as bored as you, will say, “like a game of pool?”, and then you shake hands and introduce ourtself, and you know somebody. It goes from there.
If you don’t like that particular bar, don’t be turned off. Just find another one. There are good and bad bars, but there are also great ones out there, and they are gold.
I usually always drink in moderation. Enough to get a buzz but never enough to get sloppy. And no worries, I wouldn’t think of touching that piss water they call light beer. I’m taking a liking to Sam Adams.
As for timing, I’m sort of hoping for a crowd so I have a better chance to meet someone. And cutting right to the chase I would like to meet a woman there (though I don’t know how good my chances of meeting the kind of girl I would like to meet are going to be in a college bar). If it wasn’t for my hope of meeting someone of the female persuasion I really wouldn’t have any interest in going at all.
I wouldn’t announce your age. If you get carded, the bartender will probably notice and sponsor your first drink. If the crowd is light enough and it’s a corner bar type place, they may turn the spotlight on you and announce it for you.
Go to a bar that has something to do, like pool, trivia (NTN), darts, a game on TV.
Tip the bartender. Be polite, say please and thank you, and chat them up if they’re not too busy. This should be a general rule, though, not just for tonight. After a while, perhaps they can point you to a bar with a more favorable atmosphere for you if you aren’t really enjoying yourself.
If you have the means, buy someone a drink. You’re having a polite conversation with someone next to you or playing pool with, buy 'em a drink. You see a pretty girl, buy her a drink, and be casual. Want to make a trip to Scranton, say, to Andy Gavin’s, buy ME a drink.
Okaaay…,I assume you are a straight male college student so these tips will apply specifically to you. I’ll also assume you drank before.
First a little preparation:
Pick a local college bar. You pretty much want to avoid PA “townie” bars until you’re more advanced. This way, anyone you meet will already have something in common with you.
Dress casual, comfortible, but put together. Jeans and polo shirt or whatever college kids wear these days is fine.
You will need the following items: Drivers license, cash (about $100 should do), ATM card, credit card, cell phone, your keys to get back in your place, condom. Try not to lose this stuff.
Figure out how you will get back and forth - walking, taxi, etc. Don’t drive. Don’t expect your friends to come get you at 2:00am cause thats just ignant.
Pick a day and time. Thursday and Friday happy hours are fun (usually 7pm) and gives you a chance to regroup with your friends afterwards. You could go on a Sat or Sun afternoon and watch a game. Or Fri or Sat after around 10:00 till whenever.
Being this is your first trip, it’s unfortunate that you don’t have your friends to feed you drinks until you puke. That was a 21st birthday tradition in my fraternity, but I digress.
You might want to “pre-game” with a few beers before you go. This will not only save you some money, but it will also make the experience more relaxing. Even at 33, I find it somewhat jarring to walk into a bar totally sober.
Free drinks are a good thing. Telling people it’s your birthday often leads to free drinks.
If young drunk college girls are your pursuasion, I think you will find college bars to your liking. Usually “hey” works as an opening line.
If you go with some friends, it is customary to order in “rounds”. As it is your first time, they should buy the first round. After that you take turns buying the drinks for the group. Alternately, you can run a “tab” where one person puts down his credit card and you all pay up at the end of the night. You might avoid running a tab if its too busy and crowded though.
Remember there are different kinds of bars and they change depending on the night you go. Also keep in mind that bars are more fun with a group of friends. Don’t get discouraged if you go by yourself and it sucks.
I’m assuming your going to The Rat, it’s probably the best bar in town. $100 will last you a week there. They used to have killer draft beer specials, I’d be surprised if they still didn’t. West Chester has a significantly higher number of female students than male, so your good there!
Oh, Giraffe, don’t know how it is in CA, but here in PA most bars are dead serious about keeping underage drinkers out. A fake idea at a college town bar is a bad idea.
Well, didn’t muster up the guts to go in. Did what is quickly becoming my Saturday night routine. Go out at 11, walk around the bar and club district, walk home.
I always have such intense feelings of being stared at or intimidated when there are a lot of people out and about. It pretty much starts right when I walk out the door with all the people who are out in groups. Whenever I see a group of guys I hold my breath as I pass and pray they don’t try to mess with me, which has happened on a few occasions. I make it a point to move out of their way as I pass by them but they will move right back into my path, get directly in my face and make all sorts of condescending remarks until I just push by or give them a terse answer and then scuttle away. When I pass by groups of girls I simply avoid eye contact.
To be perfectly honest, I have no real desire to ever go into a bar. It’s just that I feel it’s something I have to do if I want to meet anyone. Sure, I live in a college town but I don’t go to the college. My roommates Paul and Lil go to school here and I commute to class at Drexel. So meeting girls in classes is an impossibility for me here, which pretty much leaves bars because I’m far to unconfident and intimidated to ever walk up to a group of people just chilling on a porch or at a pizza parlor.
And even if I did try to get into the bar, I can just imagine some of the comments I might get from those big guys who check ID at the door. I look 5 years younger than I am, so they would probably playfully mock me while checking my ID, right in front of the groups of people that convene by the door and so I would simply slink away. If in the bar I don’t really know how I would go about talking to a girl. I have a few female friends, I know I’m capable of conversation, and yet I’m incapable of starting one. I don’t just need a friend at the bar to egg me on into talking to a girl, I would need someone to start a conversation with a girl and then rope me into it. I’m that inept when it comes to approaching people.
I couldn’t even go to Paul’s fraternity’s party tonight because it was a costume party and given the fact that I wasn’t asked if I wanted to tag along it’s probably Greek only. And I had been hopeful for a while that Lil might one day introduce me to some girl in her sorority but now that we’re half way through our junior year it seems less and less likely.
Of course, every once in a great while I get lucky. Just a few weeks ago at one of the fraternity parties this really nice outgoing girl introduced herself to me and then took it upon herself to take me by the hand and help me mingle with people because she had taken notice of my being a wallflower. Of course she’s dating one of Paul’s fraternity brothers. Outgoing girls like that are never single. And why would they be?
Sorry for the long windedness, I just felt like venting, and there was no point in opening another thread with this one still here.
“And even if I did try to get into the bar, I can just imagine some of the comments I might get from those big guys who check ID at the door. I look 5 years younger than I am, so they would probably playfully mock me while checking my ID, right in front of the groups of people that convene by the door and so I would simply slink away.”
No, you’re wrong about that. They want you to come in and spend money. There are girls in there that WANT to meet somebody, that’s why they are there. You seem to think you will be swimming upstream, but it’s not that way. Go for it!
On the occasions this has happened, it was never in a bar, it was in the residential part of town where all the fraternities and groups of college students have their houses and apartments. I dunno, I guess I just give off the impression that I’m easily intimidated, so certain douchebags attempt to take advantage of it.
OK man I already appreciate your friendliness and intelligence so as of this moment we’re friends, okay?
MDMA is Ectasy, the drug. It was a joke, and you probably shouldn’t take it. But the major thing it does is make you happy and non-selfconcious.
You answered your own question. I’m 34 and I’d pay good money to be far far away from fraternities. I suppose it’s hard if you’re still in college. Don’t know what to say there other than know those jerkwads will be still be stuck in the faceman/dumbgirl/fratboy/moneyman meme 10 years later… and you’ll have moved on and have built a nice life.
